Punch (93.1887)

72

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

[August 13, 1887.

" This is only the beginning," he said. " Geandolph and CnAM-
beblaln have evidently quarrelled. Habtlngton doesn't bind him-
self to go with Chambebxaxn ; and altogether the Unionist Party
seems a little disunited."

Business done.—Irish Land Bill in Committee.

more guilty, so John " named " him; denied the soft impeachment.
Haxset admitted it, and was backed up by half-a-dozen Members,
including Maclean". Bore personal testimony to having heard the
applause when incident was mentioned.

I say it is true!" they repeated one after the other.
" And I say it is false !" John Dillon roared, and proceeded to
denounce Members opposite in language which speedily brought up
the Speakeb.

After a while Maclean again interposed. Demanded to be heard
whilst he asserted in detail the general accuracy of the newspaper
paragraph, whilst of course acquitting Dillon "if he said he did
not join in applause." Parnellites, oddly enough, left all the fighting
to John, who was finally put down by Speakeb. After this pleasant
interlude, House resumed Committee on Land Bill. Proceedings
dolorous, and House empty. At one time sitting nearly brought to
end by a Count.
Business done.—Irish Land Bill.

Tuesday.—Questions over there was a pretty scene. John Dillon
complained of allegation in provincial newspaper that he had ap-
plauded a statement that in a riot at Belfast several children and a
young lady school-teacher, the daughter of Lord Sligo's Agent, were
seriously hurt. Hadn't proceeded far with explanation when voice
from neighbourhood of Treasury Bench called out, " It is true! "

" Who says it's true ? " shouted John, flashing a baleful glance
on Treasury Bench.

At first he thought the interrupter was Old Morality, but his air
of perfect innocence repulsed suspicion. Was it De Woems, turning
as, it is written, his family sometimes do ? Edwaed Claeee looked

Thursday.—Enter Teeveltan ; exit Edwaed
Rhssell, the latter carrying with him the consci-
ousness of that rare possession—popularity with
both sides of the House. Everybody sorry he has
gone, especially "the Dissentient Liberals." As
Plunket says, "He was the gentlest-mannered
Radical in the House." Crowded House. Teevel-
tan brings his sheaves (1401) with him, in shape
of rattling majority won at Glasgow. Everybody
there but Haetingion and Chambeelain. Meeting
in such circumstances with old colleague would have
been too touching. But older colleagues, under
wing of Gladstone, in full force. Determined to
kill the fatted calf for the returning prodigal.
Gladstone would, of course, play the part of
Aged Parent; Teeveltan the repentant son. But who was to stand
for the fatted calf ? General impression that Haecouet best suited by
natural gifts for the character. Haecotjet's habitual modesty not to
be overcome. "Wouldn't," he said, "like to play such a prominent
part." Finally agreed that they should " imagine the calf." All went
admirably well. Might have been managed by that veteran strategist
the Sage of Queen Anne's Gate.

Childees and Cajieeon (both out of step with new Member)
personally conducted him to Table. Enormous cheering, which
Childees gently deprecated. "No, my good friends," he said. " This
is very kind of you. But there's really no credit due to me. I
bring our young friend up because I, too, am a Scotch Member.
Perhaps my success at Edinburgh may have given fillip to Liberalism
Enter Tr-v-ly-n. in the Lowlands. But pray don't mention it. Any little services Exit K-ss-11

1 may have rendered are overpaid by this magnificent ovation."

More cheers when new Member was introduced to Speakee.
Delighted to see him. Had often heard his name. Pleased with
this opportunity of making his personal acquaintance. Should be
sure to know him again if he met him. All this lively and enter-
taining. But great scene artistically conceived for end of play.
Teeveltan, passing round back of Speakeb's chair, proceeding in
search of quiet seat, beheld strange spectacle on Front Opposition
Bench. There was the Aged P. signalling from his tent. Signal
taken up by retainers and carried down crowded bench. Only in
the place of honour must the new Member sit. Never made so much
fuss of before. Last time took oath and seat, no particular notice
taken of double event. What had happened in meantime ? Had he
grown more eloquent; had he performed some conspicuous service;
or had he increased in personal esteem of those who know him P
The latter impossible. In the former no change. He had merely
kicked over traces and was now come back to run in them. Thought
of this with some bitterness. But reception well meant. There was
the Aged P. violently beckoning with venerable forefinger, and the
errant son made his way up to him, fell on his neck and kissed him
-this of course in a Parliamentary sense.

Business done.—Army Estimates.

Friday.—ILouse of Lords rent to its centre by; deadly, blood-
curdling, butter-melting controversy. Question is, shall it be
Butterine or Margarine ? The usually hostile camps streaked with
enemies. A Noble Lord, who stands stoutly for Butterine, finds
himself seated with another Peer, who swears by Margarine, and
vice versa. When division comes there is woful cross-voting. It
is Basing who appropriately brings on subject, and Wemxss who
moves that the compound be called Butterine, instead of Margarine.
Everyone in high spirits, sustained by a free collation, served out at
the door. This attraction rather militated against full success of
debate. Noble Lords " asking for more," of course having to linger
outside till they 'd eaten it. Basing (long known to us as Sclatee-
Booth) revelled in his subject, and thanked the Markiss he was
made a Peer in time to take part in discussion. Aegtll brought
his massive mind to bear on Butterine ; Geanville toyed with the
subject; and Wehtss was more than usually emphatic. Beamwell
had promised to speak for Butterine. Place empty when turn came.

" Where's Beamwell ? He should be up next," said Wemyss.
"Ah," said Rosebeby,

" "Would you know where last I saw him,
He was eating bread and butterine.''

Messengers despatched to corridor and Beamwell brought in with
his mouth full. A stirring debate, but Butterine was nowhere.
Beamwell having demonstrated Margarine was "not the correct
name for the substitute known as Butterine," their Lordships by
large majority voted for Margarine.

Business done.—In Commons Land Bill again.

A NEW WERSION OF AN OLD SONG.

(By a thorough Port-soakian.)

He nobly dines, has naught to pay,
And has his health drunk ev'ry
day.

And though he has to sham delite
At weary speeches nite by nite,
And to administer the Law
Without no blunders or no flaw,

The Loed Maee leads an appy
life,

He has no cares of party strife,
He drinks the best of hevry wine,
I wish the Loed Maee's lot was
mine.

And, yet all appy's not his lot,
Although he has his title got;
He hardly once alone can dine—
1 would not that his lot was mine.

A Alderman more pleases me,
He leads a life of jollitee;

Still, though I but a Waiter be,
The Loed Maee's life would not
suit me,

But, while I drains myflowingcan,
I '11 fancy I'm a Alderman!

Robeet.

Poetey op Paeliament.—A debate in the House of Commons
corresponding to the verse named Alexandrine—" Which, like a
wounded snake, drags its slow length along."

Seasonable Fleld-Spoet.—Leather-hunting.

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