Punch (93.1887)

82

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

.[August 20, 1887.

"zings vun voot rahzer haf left oonzet!"

Herr Wohlgemuth. " Ach, ta ! Yott must haf hat a ferry coot Master ! Youa

FoiCE has LASTET so yunderfolly long !"

A BALLADE OF THE HOUSE.'

(Sung apologetically at a recent Banquet.)

" You do not know the number of muzzled
Ciceros who are sitting in the House of Commons,
men who have come from the constituencies con-
scious of their power, anxious to render service
to the State."—Mr. Goschen at the Mansion
House.

What if garrulity be rife,

And what if bald debate.
Spun out in empty Party strife.

Has sealed the Session's fate !
"What if the tap-room jest has sped,

And hot retort has stirred,
While threats to punch, a Member's head

Have been distinctly heard!
Ah, what ?—If but the House disclose
A score of Muzzled Ciceros!

What if things are not as they were

Some twenty years ago ;
And manners that might make one stare

Are now thought comme ilfaut ;\
What if the tongue of Billingsgate,

The grace of Seven Dials,
Now modestly subserve the State ?

There's one at them who smiles,1
And points to where there sit in rows
A score of Muzzled Ciceros I

Nautical Superstition. — Mr. David
Jones, of the Welsh Mercantile Marine,
Shipowner, proposed to call a vessel re-
cently completed the Eisteddfod. A Saxon
seaman objected to that as an unlucky
name, because any ship so denominated
would be sure to spring a leek.

AH the Difference.

" Every Poet hates to be called ' Mr.' "—Globe.

Formality sometimes is Scorn's twin
sister—

The prefix to the Poet means disaster:
But though no Bard would be addressed as
"Mister,"

How they all love to be addressed as
"Master!"

WHY HE WENT.

Some doubts having been expressed in influential quarters as to
the genuine character of the Manifesto alleged to have been recently
put forth to the European Powers by Prince Ferdinand on his entry
into Bulgaria, the following, whatever subsequent changes may
have been diplomatically introduced into it prior to publication,
may be confidently regarded as an authentic transcript of that
document in its original form.

To the Crowned Heads of Europe, and others whom it does or does
not concern, greeting, fyc.
Be it known to those who have been interested in, and somewhat
mystified by our recent movements, that we, Ferdinand the
First, by the voice of the Regents, and the will of the Great
Sobranje, elected Monarch of Bulgaria, wishing to make clear and
explain why that we, having originally held aloof from any idea of
acceptance of the post, and even having snubbed the Deputation who
came to offer it to us in the name of the Bulgarian people, have
apparently at the eleventh hour, to the exasperation of Russia, the
consternation of the Porte, the indifference of Germany, the
annoyance of Austria, the chagrin of France and the hearty amuse-
ment of England, suddenly turned round, and accompanied by a
small portmanteau and a suite of two, accepted the situation and
started on a penny steam-boat for Sofia, wish to make statement as
follows :—

Having discovered upon inquiry that the palace required re-
papering and was sadly out of repair, with both gas and water-rates
Beven quarters in arrear, while it appeared that both the throne and
crown would have to be hired, and possibly only a lame omnibus
horse available for our use at the Coronation procession, and taking
in regard the fact that no guarantee was forthcoming that our
allowance from the Civil List would touch anything like £150 a-year,

we at first reluctantly decided, spite its undeniably flattering nature,
to decline the offer so spontaneously made to us. And we conveyed
as much to the delegates who received the news crestfallen,
and were about to depart in sulky silence when a telegram arrived
from Sofia of such an encouraging and startling description, that it
seemed, to us at least, to put thequestion in an entirely fresh and original
light, and in one that we felt might make us waver in our determina-
tion. It simply announced the fact that the Government, never
doubting of our acceptance of the crown, had already taken the bull
by the horns, and ordered at a local Ready-Made Clothing Establish-
ment a complete brand-new Uniform for us to wear the moment we
set our foot on Bulgarian soil. "Buttons and all?" we asked.
" Buttons and all! " was the reply. This gracious and patriotic,
and quite unexpected act profoundly touched us. Indeed, it decided
us ; and when it was further intimated to us that the bill would not
be sent in to us, but go to increase the deficit in the forthcoming
Budget, we did not hesitate, but accepted the full responsibilities
of the situation, and informed the Deputation that, spite the
hostile attitude of Europe, we would go to Sofia, and at least " try
it on."

Thus, and for this reason, we have started on our venturesome
journey, whether or not to a successf al issue the future alone can
show. We have, however, made provision for emergency, and
stipulated that, in the event of any sudden revolution obliging us to
scuttle back again over the frontiers post haste, the uniform in
question shall be regarded as our own personal property, and not be
liable to be claimed as a royal perquisite, and altered to fit our pos-
sible successor. This, then, is the true statement of the reason that
has induced us to assume the recent attitude that we have felt con-
strained to take in the face of the European Powers, concerning whom
we may add, in conclusion, that their laughter if they are amused,
or their howling if they are angered, are at the present moment
equally matters of supreme indifference to us.

(Signed) Ferdinand, Prince Elect of Bulgaria.