Punch (93.1887)

84

PUNCH, OE THE LONDON CHARIVAEI.

[August 20, 1887.

In Commons sitting impartially divided between Scotch votes in
Supply, and Technical Education Bill, explained by Habt-Dyxe.

Hard to say which division
duller. Scotch debate lightened
by rather massive joke of pro-
posing to reduce salary of
Secretary for Scotland by
£1,000. Unanimous protest
of Scotch Members against
this office being held by Mem-
ber of House of Lords. If
there was £1,500 tobe pouched,
why should not representative
of the people have it, instead
of being lavished upon bloated
member of the aristocracy ?
Things looked so serious, that
Lord Advocate put up to beg
that Members be satisfied with
discussion as far as it had
gone, promising opportunity
for renewal to-morrow, when
(though didn't mention this)
care will be taken to have pre-
sent force strong enough to
resist raid on Scotch office.
Proposal unsuspiciously as-
sented to.
Business done.—Supply.
Wednesday.—A nieht wi'
Burns. AgooddrizzlingScotch
. / mist from noon till Six o' Clock.
Scotch Lunacy, Sheriff of

, Earl Sp-nc-r ta^IocantraT.rtiM. i£^J«^
° ' Instruction Bill were among

subjects dealt with. Might have been going on now had not one
of the Scotch Members, feeling his brain softening, moved the
Closure. Old Morality woke up from his sleep in condition of
righteous indignation. Here was audacity, indeed I An obscure
Scotch Member presuming to poach on his preserves, to interfere
with his sacred privilege of moving Closure! Began in tones of
mingled sorrow and anger to protest. Speaxeb interposed. Re-
minded him that Closure motion could not be debated. Must be put
forthwith. So done. Flood of talk stopped. Bill under discussion
read Second Time, and Old Morality led out, pallid and palpitating.

Lord Advocate coming back from visiting him, finds passage
obstructed by Arthur Baufour. Shall he jump over, or crawl

"Obstruction!"

under? Either difficult on August day for a stout gentleman. So
whispers across barricade that "Smith's much cut up," and sits
down on hither side.
Business done.—All Scotch,

Thursday.—ytry small attendance in Commons. Considerably
over forty remain on Opposition Benches to support Sage of Oueen
Anne's Gate's demand for Adjournment, in order to discuss cost and
consequences of Dbuhmond Wolfe's pic-nic in the East. Soon as

gained consent, general exodus, and Sage cheerfully chats across
deserted floor with Goschen, who takes incessant notes. John
Dillon, who, what with intolerable interposition of Scotland yester-
day, has not made speech since Tuesday, breaks in and shows that,
next to Ireland, Egypt is most distressful country that ever yet was
seen. Conversation drags along till after Ten o'Clock, when it dies
of sheer inanition. Then Government Allotment Bill on. Habcoubt
makes discovery that it promises only one acre and no cow at all.
Goschen hauled up again to whipping-post. Taunted with sudden
conversion to principle of compulsion. True, didn't like compulsion.
Had always said so, hut " impossible for a single member of a
Government to carry out his views on every point; " whereat
Opposition grinned.
Business done.—Allotments Bill read Second Time.

Friday.—Some sensation in moderately crowded House at Ques-
tion Time, when report ran round Benches that Sir John Puleston,
Knight, was approaching. Slight reaction of disappointment when
he entered. Vague, though prevalent notion, he'd come down
in knightly costume, with vizor down (or up, as
the case may be), armed " cap and pie," as Gent-
Davis says, with lance in rest, and Squire in
attendance. On contrary, lounged in just as if
nothing had happened, with slightly
preoccupied look and little start of
surprise when congratulated on
honour Government had done itself.
"OhI ah! yes! Know what you
mean. Thanks. It's very hot, ain't
it ? " he said, making way through
throng of congratulators. Clywch!
Clywch! " roared Abbahaji, humor-
ously looking over newspaper an-
nouncing Knighthood.

" What's the matter with you P "
I asked. " What are you clucking
about P "

"I was only coughing in my
native tongue," he said. "Clywch!
Clywch!" '

Various reasons suggested why
Puleston made Knight just now.
Howaed Vincent says it's because
he's the only Member for English
borough that can pronounce the
word " Eisteddfod," and knows the
Clywch! Clywch! plural ^ ., Eisteddfodj. What.

ever the reason, everyone heartily pleased. The new Knight, they
say, will keep his own Table Pound. Dean's Vard, Eight o'Clock.
Dress optional.

Business done.—Pow about Lords' Amendments to Irish Land Bill.

LAWFUL (?) LATITUDE.

As " cross examination to credit," has recently been considerably
developed by certain members of the legal profession, the following
questions are suggested to students studying for call to the Bar, or
admission to the roll of Solicitors, as likely to be peculiarly conducive
to qualification.

To a Bishop.—When your Lordship was _at_ school were you ever
flogged ? Will you swear it was not for committing petty larceny ? Did
you ever in your life steal an apple ? When at the University were you
ever sent down ? Will you undertake to say that you have never been
drunk ? When you were two-and-twenty years of age did you ever
swear or use profane language ? Remember you are on your oath,
my Lord, and answer this—will you dare to assert that you have
never in the whole course of your life been guilty of conduct that
had it been brought to light would not have been a proper theme for
denunciation from your Lordship's own pulpit ?

To a General.—Now, Sir, have you ever been accused of cowardice ?
Is it not a fact that some little time before you obtained your first
commission you were known as " Tell-tale Tit " ? Will you swear
you have never been guilty of cheating ? As a matter of fact, did
you not frequently get a comrade to do your verses at Eton, and then
allow your tutor to believe that you had written them yourself?
Had a brother-General been guilty of such a crime, would you have
not been forced to admit that it was conduct unworthy of an officer
and a gentleman ? As an expert in defining a standard of honour, will
you venture to say that there is any difference in the degree of shame
attaching to construing with a concealed crib and cheating at cards ?

To a Queen's Counsel.—Now, Sir, will you-

But no, it will be unnecessary to prepare any questions for a
Barrister, as he will know how to protect himself from insult.

At Low Water Make:.—The Channel Tunnel.

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