Punch (93.1887)

118 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [September 10, 1887.

NAUGHTICAL?

Yachting Friend (playfully). "Have you any experience or Squalls, Brown?"
Broum. "Squalls !" (Seriously.) "My dear Sir, I 'ye brought up Ten in Family!'

FOR AN IRISH TRIP.

(Some Preparatory Memoranda.)

To get up the early Celtic history, and establish my undoubted right to call myself an
Irishman, by tracing my pedigree directly back to Fergus the First.

2. Lend colourable certainty to this by hiring a low-comedy Donnybrook Fair suit from
QHiiir ?' 111(1 wearinS it on all public occasions.

6. Make arrangements to take a dozen lessons in jig-dancing and shillelagh-flourishing
from some recognised Mu8ic-Hall celebrity engaged in this special line of business.

4. Wet the words of the We 'U have the Tail off the Cow, Pat, and other patriotic songs, by
heart, and have an encore verse ready in case of being called upon to give it in any popular
emergency.

5. Familiarise myself with the use of such expressions as " Whist! Whist I" " Arrah! are
ye shure now, aiyil a bit!" and other Irish colloquialisms, and accustom myself to
interspersing my orations with shrill whoops to give emphasis to a sentence or point to a period
as occasion may require or Buggest.

6. Conceive a defence of boycotting and
bring it oratorically, in an airy and genial
way, within a measurable distance of
legality, and back it up if possible with some
biblical and Homeric analogies.

7. Study the Plan of Campaign practically,
by hurling boiling pitch, meal, lime and
brickbats through a besieged cabin-window
into the faces of imaginary constabulary
without.

8. Habituate myself to mild indulgence
in " potheen," occasional drinking of con-
fusion to the " Sassenach," and to taking
care not to lose sight of my return ticket.

CASE-O'-MY-BANKER.

(The Story of Another Child.)

The Boy stood in the sweltering street,

Whence all but he had fled ;
The fast-departing dog-days' heat,

Flamed full upon his head.

He was not heautiful nor bright,

Nor born to rule the storm;
A most unlucky urban wight;

A small, yet grimy, form.

His parents could not grant the boon

—A fortnight's Country air;
They would have spared him precious soon,

Bat had no cash to spare !

He called aloud: " Kind Public, say,

If me you have forgot! "
But. far from Town the Public play

Unconscious of his lot.

" Speak, millionnaires," again he cried,

" If I may not levant! "
And but the falling leaves replied,

And daylight growing scant.

Upon his brow he felt the breath

Of summer slowly fail.
And looked and prayed for kindly aid,

As seaman for a sail.

Meanwhile the Children's Country Fund,
Formed near the roaring Strand,

(At Buck'n'ham Street, the Number Ten,)
Had no more cash in hand!

He murmured faintly once again,
" Kind Public, must I stay ? "

While to the seaside cab and train
Bore happier lads away.
*****

Ah, Public! You this Summer's heat
Have felt at Pleasure's marts ;

Think how you'd like it in the street,
Before it quite departs I

A Real Sporting Event.

Arrow-throwing is said to be the latest
new sport—in Yorkshire. Newer even than
Frog-spearing in France! What next?
Perhaps "Javelin-men" will Eoon mean
something modern, and not perfunctory.
Then " Hatchet - throwing "—in a sense
having no relation to travellers' taradiddles
—may become the vogue ; and Mr. Han-
bury, who is so much concerned about the
Salary of the Master of the Hawks, may
move in the House to have it transferred
to a new and actual public functionary—
the Master of the Tomahawks.

Geologists talk learnedly about the im-
mense antiquity of what they call "the
Coal measures." The modern coal-measures,
needed now, are measures for arming our
Coaling Stations.