Punch (93.1887)

2C6

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON

CHARIVARI. [November 5, 1887.

" EMPLOYMENT."

First Loafer. "'Say, Mate, if they was to put a Shovel in yer 'Ands.
an' tell yer to go to "Work, would yer take it ?"
Second Loafer. "'Course I would."
First Loafer, "Would yer Use it?"

Second Loafer. '"Course I would?—like a Shot! I'd Spout it!"

EOBEET ON LUXTJEY.

Alderman Sir Renery Knight, late Lord Mare, and one of the werry best
as we ever had, and so was his good wife, the Lady Maress, hapening for to
be a setting at the Manshun House when the Lord Mare was gorn out for a ride
somewheres, had to receive what I thinks is called a Deputytashun—though not
a bit like reel Deputys, who is all werry rich—of poor working-men as ain't got
not no work to do, and, like the kind gennelman as he is, he gave 'em sum such
capital adwice as to the utter stoopidity of making theirselves noisy and dis-
agreeable when they wants to make people kindly dispoged towards 'em, and
as to the well-known fackt, that the best friends of the working-classes is them
as spends their money the most freest and the most liberalist, that he set the
hole City a ringing with it, and as always happens alike in exacly similar cases,
up starts a mere upstart of a Pollytickle Economist—how I hates the werry
sound of that larst word, which is ony another name for stingyness and
meanness and sham forgitfulness of the pore "Waiter—and says as it ain't true!
Like his imperance I think, but of coarse ewery body has a right to his own
opinion, however ridicklus it may be. But being a Lecturer, and therefore I
spose acustomed to use his tung pretty freely, he mite have been xpeeted to
have kept a civil one in his head when he rote his reply to Sir Renery. Instead
of which he fust calls him incorrygible, which I beleeve means that he carnt be
eonwicted, as if a Alderman and Magistrate could be ! He then writes of his
a. ? v. ignorance 1" I don't quite know what it means but I'm quite sure
that however small ;the Alderman's may he, the Lecturer's is ever so much
bigger, as 1U prove from my own pussonal knowledge.

He. acsnally has the ordassity to adwise the Rite Honerable the Lord Mare
not to employ so many cooks! Poor hignoramus! has he ever dined at the
Manshua House on a trewly grate ocashun ? Most suttenly not, or he never
would have written such a silly, not to say cruel sentence. Not so many cooks
indeed! Does he think that the Chef who has given his whole mind to the
preparing of the Thick and Clear Turtle, is not so utterly xhausted that he has

to drink two or three glasses of werry old Madeary, and
then lay down on his sophy and recover hisself by slow
degrees. Does he think that the Fish Cooks, with praps
six differing kinds of Fish to prepare, is fit for anything
else? and how about the Sauce Artists, let him try to
emagine, tho' he '11 try in wain, what they has to go
through in the tasting line. Then there are the French
gentlemen who superintend the production of those
wunders in what they calls the guestronommiok line,
wiz.: the Ontrays ! Is it supposed by this " curlossal"
hignoramus, that they can, after achieving brilliant
success in these wunders of hart, condescend to turn
their attention to such werry small deer as poultry and
jints ? Suttenly not, the thing's absurd. But they
requires cooks, tho' of coarse, not of the same hi horder
as the Hartists.

But, strange to tell, ewen this is not the wust. Not
only is the Lord Mare adwised not to employ so many
Cooks, but the trewly wunderful reason is given, becoz
he can then employ more railway navvies! Shades of
Frank Hurtelly and Swoyhay, rest tranquil in your
long graves I

But what a dedly_ hinsult to" one of the werry noblest
of all noble perfessions, to compare for usefulness a mere
railway navvy to a great Chef. Is this strange econo-
mist aware that the great Earl of Semon, prais to his
memory! used to allow his Chef £300 a year and a Horse
and Broom for the Park! But all sitch conclusive argu-
ments is I fear utterly lost upon him.

However, there is just one matter for which I have to
thank him. I confess that my face werry possibly turned
gashly pale as I read his orful letter, I fornatrally thort
if he is going to recommend less Cooks he may werry
posserbly be a going for to recommend less "Waiters!
But no, he had the good taste to draw his line there, and
for that I thanks him. What a treat it is to turn from
the wild projecks of the Lecterer to the wise counsels
of the Alderman. No doubt, he says, we could all do
without luxuries, but what would become of the millions
who produces themf No doubt, he says, we could all
live on plain food and drink water—what orful words for
a Alderman to write down!—but then what would be-
come of the millions who earns their living in preparing
them, and he might have added, as a clencher to his
staggering argument, and what would become of Hus ?
If there is one picter that presents itself to my orrified
imagination, that more than any other staggers it, it is
that of the hole splendid Army of London Waiters, with
their full dress black coats a gitting jist a leetle shabby,
and their lovely white chokers jest a leetle shady, a
parading the London Streets, and a singing in Chorus,
"We've got no work to do!" But no, I feels as that
orful dream will never live to be realised, but, to use the
classic langwidge as the Lecturer quotes from some frend
of his, and which I supposes as he intends as a comple-
ment, "let the idol rich still take their proper place as
drones in the hive, gorging at a feast to which they have
contributed nothing," and he might have added, and
never never forgetting the Waiter. Robert.

Me. Punch was pleased to notice that a certain noisy

„ s ___ Salvationist, who would

Jl/£jf& 'i i"8*8* on playing the
cornet — did he pro-
fanely call it " The horn
of salvation ? "—to the
disturbance of quiet citi-

zens, was made to move
on, and treated as a
I V common street - organ
_ nuisance by the Magia-
s» trate. Wanted, as soon
as possible, an Act to
stop all unauthorised Processions, be they what they may.

The disastrous fire at Whiteley's occupied the entire
attention of thirty-four steam fire-engines, " leaving,)f
says the Standard, " about a dozen for the rest of London.
The " rest" of London will he considerably disturbed w
this state of things continues. We are under-police'd ana
under-fire-brigaded. If Grandolph the Great is afraid
of becoming one of the Unemployed, and so getting in*0
mischief, let him turn his attention to supply and de-
mand in this direction, and the ex-Chancellor of the
Exchequer may do some good.