Punch (94.1888)

January 28, 1888.]

PUNCH, OE THE LONDON CHAEIVAEL

37

BRAYVO, 'ICKS!''

"I stand here for 'justice'—to Ireland."

NOT SO BAD AS IT SEEMS.

(An Echo from the Hue Faubourg St. Honors.)

_ ' What is now Lord Lytton's official residence has teen allowed to fall
into almost squalid disrepair. The furniture and fittings would look shabby
in a second-rate pension."—St. James's Gaieite.

The British Ambassador paced the room with thoughtful brow,
pausing only now and again when one or other of his feet caught in
a rent in the well-worn carpet.

" How can the signing of the Treaty be avoided ? " he asked him-
self. "An hour's delay and the present Government will bave
fallen, and we should then have to deal with their successors! "What
do you do here F " The query was addressed to a young man who
had silently entered the room.

" I have to apologise to your Excellency," replied the new-comer,
respectfully, "for having presented myself before you without a
signal, but the last time I knocked on the door the panel cracked
beneath my knuckles. It is a wonder to me that you have been
able to entertain in this ruinous place."

" How I did it is my own secret," said the Poet Diplomatist, nod-
ding half scornfully, half goodnaturedly, and by a gesture inviting
his visitor to place some papers he carried in his hands on a table.

" Again, my Lord, I ask pardon," continued the Private Secretary,
for that was his position; " but I have_ my doubts about the advi-
sability of following the course you seemingly propose. I have good
reason for believing that were I to put anything on that table it
would not bear it."

" And this new Treaty is no light matter," laughed the British
Ambassador. " I wish therefore that I could delay its signature."

"The Foreign Minister is sure to be punctual. Ah! I hear his
ring," and the Private Secretary looked out of the window. Then
he stamped his foot with annoyance. "He has pulled the handle
with sufficient force to break the bell-wire ! "

" And you by your thoughtless impatience have driven your foot
through the floor. See your leg is imbedded in the lath and
plaster! You should be more careful!" was the angry response.

The British Amhassador had not time to offer further expostula-
tion before the French Minister for Foreign Affairs presented himself.

" Your Excellency," said the Gallic Official, " I have brought the
Treaty with me, which now awaits your signature."

" Are you quite sure it is all right ? " drawled out Lord Lytton,
evidently bent upon prolonging the preliminaries of the interview.

" Quite sure, my Lord; if you will take a pen the matter can be
settled at once," and the Frenchman began an anxious search for
ink and paper.' „ j n

" Are you sure you are authorised by your Government to do all
this ?" asked the British Ambassador, carelessly.

" A thousand times yes," was the Frenchman's reply, lhen he
continued, "See, I have laid out the document on that table, and
nil you have to do is to seat yourself on this chair, and sign it.

" Seat myself on that chair! Never! " cried Lord Lytion, with a
shudder. "Never!"

" Then I suppose I must^ give you a lead ; " and the Frenchman
smilingly sat down on the ancient chair. The Ambassador and the
Private Secretary stood gazing at him transfixed with teTror.
Suddenly there was a shriek and a heavy fall. The chair had given
way under the very considerable weight of the Frenchman, who was
now lying in an undignified position on the fluor. The two English-
men immediately assisted him to rise.

" We really must apologise," began Lord Lytton.

'' Never mind apologies," replied the Gaul; " let us sign the Treaty."

" Too late! " said the English Ambassador, with his ear to a
telephone. "I regret to inform you that your Government has
fallen, and that you consequently are no longer in charge of the
bureau of Foreign Affairs."

" Baffled ! " hissed out the Frenchman, as he took his departure.

" Just in time," said Lord Lyitojt ; " just in time."

" That chair giving way under Mm was most fortunate," observed
the Private Secretary.

"Yes," returned Lord Lytton, solemnly, " the honour of England,
nay, the peace of the World, have been protected by our defective
furniture! Let us complain of it no longer."

And they did not.

UPON AMARYLLIS

Causing him some displeasure.
By Sedley Spouter.

They told her, when a wayward

Her temper to deter, [child,
A bogey man, unkempt and wild,

Would run away with her ;
That richest quarry soonest falls

By simpering mien beguiled,
Till wide through fashion's gilded
halls

Young Amaryllis smiled.

With frozen glee her growing
fears

She struggled to restrain,
As through the uneventful years

She smiled, and smiled in vain.
And now she tries the infant plan,

And sulks the livelong day,
That so at least a bogey man

May carry her away.

"CELEBRITIES" NOT "AT HOME."

We have just seen the first number of Men and Women of the
Bay, containing admirable photographs of Miss Mary Anderson,
Lord Hartington (Ex-Cabinet size), and Cardinal Newman, quite
the best we have seen of these Celebrities. If the series is equal to
this first sample, it will be historically interesting, and most valuable
as specimens of the Messrs. Barraud's photographic art. They do
not say whether their intention is to give us one lady and two
gentlemen every month, or to vary this proceeding occasionally, but
the arrangement in this first number, with " Our Mary" between
the Cardinal in a brown study, and Lord Hartington, " himself to
the life," that is in rather an awkward position and looking some-
what puzzled, and neither of them paying the slightest attention to
charming Perdita, is decidedly humorous.

Cheerful!

Wasn't this a nice advertisement for the Christmas holidays ? It
was in the Morning Post (not the Evening Post—don't let there be
any mistake about this, Sir Algernon) for December 30 :—

GOVERNESS (English) for Three Children, eldest 15; must be a thorough
disciplinarian and well able to_ administer corporal punishment; good
salary ; age about 24 ; write full particulars as to mode of inflicting punish-
ment, also salary required; personal interview in London necessary.

Isn't that pleasant, Dr. Birch ? Such advertisements ought to
have a paper all to themselves,—say, for example, The Whipping
Post.__

Scent per Scent.

" Jockey Club " we know's a pleasant scent,
But now 'tis clearly honesty's intent
(And genuine sport of the result's expeotant)
That Jockey Club shall be—a disinfectant I

Just what might be Expected.—The Odium Medieum runs so
high, that at one West-End Club, on a Homceopathist being put up
as a candidate, the Allopathists banded together and "pilled" him.

Vale !

Denning departs ? Pleasure has Punch in penning

A fond farewell. " Give you good den'," good Denning !

The Indian Main.—A Bill before the Indian Legislature pro-
poses to constitute cock-fighting an indictable offence. But is that
pastime really so cruel as it is called? The cocks themselves like
fighting, and, whilst living, they " live like fighting cocks. _

vol. xciv.