Punch (94.1888)

February 25, 1888.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

so

THE " SLOGGER."

'Twas the voice of the " Slogger." I heard him exclaim,
■' Is there bo one in England who Wever and game^ ^

m .. -ii, J l i 'v~ • .' ..:- -:- r, , his lair stalking forth,

1 So he threw up his head and
snorted with wrath.

"Just one hig triumph
more ; then to rest at my
leisure.
How happily living in

feasting and pleasure
I'd pas3 all my time, hut
I'm now forced to train,
Why tempt me with flat-
tery, weeds, and cham-
pagne ? "

I journeyed to "Windsor,

and saw in his suite
Every manner of man bow-
ing down at his feet:
Where he goes a triumphal procession is made;
"Though in train, not in training," says I, " I'm afraid."
I paid him a visit, for I thought, " While I can,
I '11 endeavour to see this most marvellous man."
He told me his hopes, his exploits in the ring ■
And thought a " pug" far better off than a king.

V Well, from this I a moral can glean.
What that hero's now, why might I not have been ?
it my parents had trained me for combat, not clerking,
righting and feasting, not starving and working."

A WORD IN SEASON.
°2Arles Dibdi_t, the British Sailor's Poet Laureate, should
lacJi a suitable Memorial, that his modeBt and little-known tomb,
even, should be in danger of disturbance and desecration, are things
snametui m themselves, and doubly disgraceful to a country which
Professes at least, like the lass in a song, to " love a sailor." Every
wind that blows would breathe the shame abroad, did England allow
+ ?ji PerPetuated. But only "lubbers and swabs" could con-
tentedly contemplate such a scandal.

" Since he died in honour's cause,
'Twas all one to Jack,"

was the characteristic sentiment of one of Dibbin's typical tars,
a sentiment which, like enough, Dibdin would have shared. But 'tis
not all one to John, whether the remains of his favourite Sea Singer
are treated with honour or dishonour. On Dibdqt's gravestone in
the cemetery of St. Martin's, Pratt Street, are the following lines
trom his own often sung, ever-applauded " Tom Boioling" .—

" His form was of the manliest beauty,
His heart was kind and soft;

Faithful below he did his duty,
And now he's gone aloft."

Yes, Charles Dibdin " did his duty," in a fashion that laid sea-
girt England under an eternal obligation. Now let England do hers!

SEYEN HUNDRED A TEAR.
A Ballade for the Hesitating Bachelor.

Wot;i,d you rj^e j_ trjm Hansoms, and go to the stalls,
mve your nice little dinners, indulge in champagne,

Accept all your invites; show at crushes and balls,
In the Morning Posts columns perhaps see your name?

Would you friends with the style of your menage impress,
tieep a good set about you, hear people admit,
a jour wife is a woman who knows how to dress,
And conjecture she costs you an average bit?
Tn,may manage this somehow I But this is quite clear,
Ihat you won't do it on Seven hundred a year !

But should you to fair Tooting, or Hackney, or Bow,

Steer your course and avoid all Society's rocks;—
-Lhe gay omnibus use, and the theatre but know,

As revealed from the gloom of the mild upper box :
JNot mind the cold mutton, get your clothes ready made,

Go to Margate in June when you yearn for the sea,
And regale all such friends as your household invade,

In the limits afforded by five o'clock tea:
ion may plunge! Take a wife ; face the goal without fear I

i ou '11 not fail—if you boast Seven hundred a year !

PLAY-TIME.

The axe, the hatchet, and the pruning-knif e have been at work at
the Haymarket, and Partners—
our advice, be it remembered, was
" Change Partners "—has been
improved, as we are informed,
almost off the face of the earth.

Mr. GrEEMAN-CHEISTMAS-TEEE

has been reduced to a shrub, a
rum shrub, and as the other
parts gain by his loss, an audi-
ence has no longer to accept "the
part for the whole," and so may
find more variety in the enter-
tainment than there was before.
But when all's said and done—
and of course there is even less Uuite _ uu.

said and done than at first—Partners can never be a good play, and
there's an end of it.

Evidently there are some Managers who are so 'umble as to take
critical slashing cheerfully, and profit by the process. Within the
last two months Frankenstein and Partners were slashed—a slashed
doublet—and straightway the Managers bowed to superior judgment,
made some alterations, and then by judiciously letting the critics
know that their invaluable suggestions had been adopted—highly
flattering this to the Critical Faculty —the_ astute Managers
obtained, and justly obtained, second notices, in which the same
critics, self-constituted for the occasion as a Court of Appeal, upset
their first verdict. After this, who shall say that Theatrical
Criticism is not beneficial ? Only it rather unsettles the_ faith of the
public in their guides, if one day they read that a piece is "in-
trinsically bad," and that " the sooner it is off the stage the better,"
and then within the next three weeks they hear of the same piece
that "it has now been worked up, and goes capitally," or "con-
siderable alterations have been made, and the piece, as now repre-
sented; is likely to have a long run._"_ Why not do away with
premieres altogether, except for the critics, who, each individually,
should deliver his written judgment as to whether the piece was a dish
to be set before King Public or not, and if not, what alterations would
make it so? Then criticism might do some good. The premiere
should be heard in camera, and one week at least should elapse
before it was brought before the Supreme Court of Final Appeal,
the Public. There are a great many objections to this plan, which I
have not time nor space to consider now.

Mr. Toole re-appeared on Saturday. There was joy in
King William Street when "Johnnie came marching home,"—
although perhaps a trifle halting—"Doi and go one "—after his
severe attack. Never mind an occasional halt, as long as he stops
where he is, and is as droll as ever.

I paid a second visit to Ariane, and see no reason for modifying
in the slightest degree the favourable opinion I expressed last week.
I have seen it stigmatised as an "immoral play." A play is not
immoral unless in some way or other it makes vice attractive. Had
the dialogue in this piece been as brilliant as that of the School for
Scandal, and had the death of the husband set Ariane free to marry
the would-be co-respondent, and live happily ever after, then, indeed,
the piece would have been justly styled "immoral." As it is. how-
ever, the wretched set of dramatis persona lead a miserable ex-
istence, and two of them come to a wretched end. I should like
Mrs. Campbell Pbaed to omit two short speeches, of which one is in
questionable taste and absolutely unnecessary. I should also like
Ariane to "die and make no sign." Her last words are, I admit,
consistent with the character of her life, but here, I contend, that
silence would indeed have been golden. Let me recommend everyone
to see The Ticket of Leave Man, at the Olympic, not for the sake of
the acting generally, but of Mr. Willabd particularly. His disguise
and his assumption of character in the Second Act are admirable.
Mrs. Stephens is as old and as good as ever—not a day older—and
Mr. Sjiedlet Yates makes the most of that highly absurd and
old-fashioned comic character Green Jones, in fact makes him a very
bright Green Jones.______

Suggestive of a Cell.—Some of the Members who have been
entertained at the expense of the country seem to be anxious to
appear in the House of Commons in prison costume. The idea was
anticipated some time since in the streets, where sandwich men were
employed to advertise certain pieces by appearing in the garb ot
convicts. Thus the notion is not new. Besides this, will they not
be suspected of drawing the long-bow when they begin to speak, it
they are found wearing marks of the broad-arrow ?

Historical—When was England a real Sporting Country
When the entire Nation had one great Bet on the throne.