Punch (94.1888)

PUNCH. OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

203

ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.

extracted pbom

THE DIARY OF TOBY, M.P.

House of Commons, Monday, April 16.—More debate on Second
Reading' of Local Government Bill. Cotjbtnet led off, dragging into
his Memorial the reference to Proportional Representation which
serves him as head of King Chakt.es the Fiest served another
eminent man. After him came Chambeklain. Aspect of House
suddenly changed. Benches filled up. Members became really in-
terested. Seems to be, after all, something intelligible in Bill. A
striking speech, fluent, concise, admirably phrased, and mercifully
brief. Touched up, moreover, with some of those little thrusts at
former friends, which bo delights House. Cotjbtnet playfully
chaffed; Gladstone who, fortunately, did not happen to be present,
Put hopelessly in the wrong. Mtjndella at one point ventured to
say, " Oh I; thought he would have been
chawed up on the spot. Concluded to listen
«° remaining portions of speech in silence.

Habtington so far interested, that he didn't
Set more than forty winks' sleep throughout
the speech. Unite exception this. Has pro-
fited immensely out of debate as far as it has
?one. Looks forward to many peaceful even-
ts in Committee; doesn't mind an occa-
sional late night or exceptionally hard work
through the day. Whenever Local Govern-
ment Bill is on goes down to House, settles
Jumself in corner seat on Front Benoh,
crosses his legs, closes his eyes, falls asleep
a shot. Chambeblain's vivacity little
<ustiubing. But Hartington made it up
»ater,^hen Chaplin rose.
r. ' Washington Mission nothing to this," said
^B-andolph, moodily regarding the scene.

Anyone could arrange a Fishery Treaty.
xBambeblain the only man who has been
59fe to make debate on Local Government
Pul interesting since Ritchie brought Bill

Wtxfeid Lawson poked fun at Chambeb-
i^N's championship of Selected Councillors.
Ejected only to name. Call them Aldermen,
J?0- all would be well, Lawson agreed,
rew moving picture of Alderman Chaplin exit gt hen mabon_
W- man BAaTTEL0T going to Church.
8t« nt move(i to-day for election for Mid-Lanarkshire. So exit
i^hen Mason. Pity he wasn't here just another night to take
tdff^ rmVolt aSamst L°rd Advocate. This burst forth after mid-
dow Mackintosh moved Opposition to particular Scotch En-

8ovlmerit scheme. Lord Advocate rose, said not a word for or against
J5oti 6' s&Ye Scotch Members terrible wigging for coming to
Qse and presuming to call in question a scheme approved by Scotch
Education Department. Something in appear-
ance of Lord Advocate that would have carried
terror to Southron mind; the towering form, the
majesty of wrath, the flashing eye, the quivering
lip, all terrible. But Scots-wha-hae not to be
cowed. Turned upon Lord Advocate ; angrily
protested against his scolding.

A pretty scene. Joseph Gillis looking on
from below Gangway, smiled approvingly. No
knowing but what, in time, something might be
made of these Scotch Members. House didn't
adjourn till quarter to one.
Business dune.—Local Government Bill.

Tuesday Night.—What a night we
have had to be sure! Makes up for the
ponderous performance through morn-
ing sitting. All began in little mistake.
Everybody thought House would be
counted when Sfeakeb took Chair again
atNine o'clock. Consequence was, every-
one, including Lord Advocate, settled
down comfortably to dinner. But Tee-
totallers interested in Second Order,
introducing Local Option in Scotland.
Teetotallers don't want as much time for
dinner as other people; so down in full
force at Nine o'clock. Count tried ; de-
v Tlle Judicinni. m„t o „ feated. Beyce moved Second Reading
r 0r<l Adv 7 Lagan- of Access to Scotch Mountains Bill.
a rd AH* lnstructed to oppose measure. But where was
^Vo0atAVO Scouts sent out in search. Access to Lord

even more difficult than aooess to Scotch Mountains. Bill

passed Second Reading. McLagan moved Scotch Looal Option Bill
without saying a word. A good deal to say; but Lord Advocate
might be in any moment; so the judicious McLagan pocketed his
speech, and got his Bill passed. At this moment Lord Advocate
arrived with shining face and dinner dress. Cordially cheered by
Scotch Radical Members who had just passed most important stage
of two Bills designed to undermine Constitution.

Thirty Bills on the Orders; all private Members' ventures; most
of them horribly Radical; scouts still out; Ministers dropping in
breathless and alarmed ; Benches filling up on both sides; every
man in dinner-dress looking as if he had just been torn away from
dinner-table when cigars and coffee coming on. In excitement of
moment, Richabd Temple got locked in "Aye" Lobby; Rescued
through "No" Lobby. Old Morality arrived just in time to
see him emerge, offering observations understood to be Hindustanee.

By Eleven o'clock House quite full; threw itself with ardour into
discussion of Steam Engines and Boilers BUI; here Jackson dis-
tinguished himself in quite unexpected fashion. Seems that, before
he became Financial Secretary, spent his youth in a boiler ; his early
manhood among the flues. Old Morality gazed at him with un-
feigned admiration. Edward Clabke began to think it was worth
while being rushed from dinner-table to hear this.

" If," said Jackson, with air of conviction, " an employer of
labour does not know that his boiler is subject to corrosion, where
has he livtd? Some one says 'No,'" Jackson continued, fiercely
turning in the direction of Mtjndella. "As an employer of labour,
I can say that I always looked after my own boiler. 1 have been in
a boiler several times, and through all its flues."

House cheered enthusiastically. Jackson not quite the figure for
a comfortable exploration of recesses of a flue. But as Clabke,
jealous for veracity of his colleague, says, " He entered the flue
before he entered the House." fJo resisting flood of Jackson's
eloquence. '' Speaks so fluently," said Geobge Jokin. _ Using phrase
in Parliamentary sense, Jackson burst the boiler. Bill rejected by
overwhelming majority.

" There's a Government for you," said Addison, Q.C. " Hit them
where you like, they ring out Bound. Only Ministry of modern times
that includes a Member at home in a boiler, and fluent about flues."

Business done.—Immense I Unprecedented I! Something like
half a score of Private Bills debated and disposed of I!! Jackson
emerged triumphant out of Boiler Flue I!! I

Wednesday. Full attendance to-day. Second Reading of Deceased

Wile's Sister Bill on again.
Lockwood says she's the
only Sister Bill he ever
heard of. Supposes her
full name is Wilhelmina.
Seems a little familiar to
allude to her as "Bill."
But that familiarity of long
standing. Been with House
for many years. Members
know all about arguments.
Have come to vote. Will
not remain to listen: so
missed mincing speech of
Home Secbetabt, in which
he sedulously trotted out
Cabdinal Manning to
sanction his illiberal views.
Htjghes-Hallett, sitting
just behind, much im-
pressed. Home Secbetabt
opposed Bill on ground
that it would lead to in-
vasion of sanctity of do-
mestic circle, and under-
mine social purity. " Ah I"
said Hughes - Hallett,
sniffing at scent of violets
in his button-hole, " that
Alderman Chaplin, M.P. wm neyer do."

So when time came, he went out with Home Secbetabt, Chaplin,
and other good men, to vote against Wilhelmina.

Simple John Simon met the Pieman, represented by Home Secbe-
tabt. Utterly routed him on question of Jewish practice. Henbt
Fowlee brought up reserves, pitting Cardinal Newman against Car-
dinal Manning, and throwing in Cardinal Wiseman. Fowleb suc-
ceeded in adding rare touch of interest to well-worn theme by
relating forgotten story of how the present law was established. AU
about a Duke who loved his Wilhelmina and married her. Ltnd-
htjbst brought in Bill in Lords, which said " Duke not guilty, but
no one else must do it again." That's the law in a nutshell. House
decided to crack it. 239 voted for Heneage's Bill, 182 against.

Business done.—Deceased Wife's Sister Bill read Second Time by
majority of 57.