DOI Heft:
February 2, 1889
DOI Seite / Zitierlink: https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17687#0059
February 2, 1889.]
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
49
SHAKSPEARE ON THE STREETS.
(See '■'•King Henry the Fourth,” Act III., Sc. 1.)
THE BLOOM OF LONDON (COUNTY) PRIDE.
(The Unreported Report of a Meeting that never Met.)
The Council had met, and were considering the election of
Aldermen. There was a goodly gathering, and in the centre sud-
denly appeared a Personage that seemed a combination of leaders
from newspapers, House of Commons speeches, and old traditions.
“ I am Public Opinion!” thundered the Personage, and then it
became known that it was the desire of Public Opinion that the
Councillors should give their individual views on the subject of the
election of Aldermen.
“ Well,” said the Member for West Marylebone, looking through
his pince-nez, and smiling, “I cannot help feeling that some one
should be selected—who has entertained Her Majesty to five o’clock
tea.”
“You mean Sir Reginald Hanson,” observed the Member for the
Strand, “ and I don’t agree with you. Give me an Alderman who
can organise a procession that will do credit to the City like-”
“Mr. Augustus Harris,” put in one Member of the City, with a
sneer. “ But you have horses. I know the very man to attend to
them.”
“You mean the Earl of Rosebery,” added the other Member for
the City. “Well, perhaps, yes; but horses are not so interesting
as ants or bees. Why not get a good Naturalist, and some one who
admires the Bank Holiday Movement.”
“ Like Sir John Lubbock, for instance,” murmured the Member
for Haggerston. “ Yes ; but we must do something more than look
at horses ; we must tackle Mayors—Lord Mayors ; and as for ants,
why the ’auuts of the City Companies (as a Cockney would say)
should be our game. Now, for an Alderman, we could not select
anyone better fitted for the post than that earnest reformer, Mr.-”
“Firth! ” lisped the Member for St. George’s, Hanover Square.
“I think Firth thould be lasth! Now a Volunteer-”
“Who is first-rate at organisation—that’s what you mean,”
interrupted the Member for Woolwich. “Yes, I know; but you
won’t find him in Howard Vincent— you had better far take me! ”
“ What ’8 the Hughes ? ” was the frivolous commentary of Public
Opinion — the mood of Public Opinion is very changeable. The
Voice continued, in a more earnest tone—a tone full of gravity, “You
say that the perfect Alderman should be beloved and respected by
Royalty ? ”
“ Hear, hear ! ” cried Sir Reginald.
“ And good at pageants.”
“ Certainly! ” ejaculated Augustus Druriolanus.
“And fond of animals—horses, ants, and bees ! ”
“ So we think,” replied Sir John and the Earl.
“ And a real reformer, a perfect organiser, and, in fact, a thorough
statesman and philanthropist! ”
“ Yes, yes ! ” was the universal shout.
‘ ‘ But where will you find a man, who in his own person combines
all these qualifications ? ”
There was a dead silence.
“ There is only one person in London, England, Europe, the world,
so qualified,” continued the Voice of Public Opinion, “and that
person is-”
Then the Power of Public Opinion was exhibited even in the
London County Council, and there was a shout that sounded far and
wide of “ Mr. Punch ! ”
“ Yes,” assented Public Opinion, “ Mr. Punch is the best possible
Alderman, as he is the best possible everything else, so would you
escape the ignoble fate of Bumbledom, keep your eye upon Mr. Punch,
and ask him to pull you through.”
And with this, Public Opinion disappeared, and the Members of
the London County Council were left (for the moment) to their own
devices, and the cheering influence of their pretty portraits as pub-
lished in the current number of the Illustrated London Neics.
STORIES OE THE PAST.
My Dear Mr. Punch,
There has been so much correspondence about Links with
the Past, that I think my own experience will be of interest to your
readers. If so, it is heartily at your service.
When I was a lad, I perfectly well recollect being taken on the
shoulders of my grandfather to see Her Majesty Queen Victoria
proceeding in State to Westminster on the occasion of her Jubilee.
My grandfather then told me (as the fireworks were being let off)
that he had spoken to a gentleman who was present at the execution
of King Charles the First.
“ How can that be ? ” I asked, “ for according to your own account,
you were not living at the time of the Battle of Waterloo ! ” which
indeed, was constantly his assertion.
“ I am surprised that you should doubt my word ! ” replied my
grandfather.
“I doubt your word,” I respectfully returned, “because your
story seems so marvellous. It is impossible to believe it! ”
“ Then, if you do not believe it, it is no use to tell you, that the
man who spoke to my grandfather, and was present at the execution
of Charles the First, was a Baron who had actually signed Magna
Charta! ”
“ You do not say so! ” I exclaimed, fairly astounded at the gigantic
jumps we were making from the Present into the Past. “ Why, in
two lives about five centuries are covered! ”
“ Yes, I fancy that is about the right measure,” said my grand-
father, musingly, “but I have not entirely exhausted the subject.”
“ Why did the man who spoke to my great-grandfather at the
execution of Charles the First, and who had signed Magna Charta
years and years before, serve for a further link with the past ? ”
‘ ‘ Certainly ; he was acquainted with persons who knew Richard
the First intimately, and had himself dined with the first of our
Henries.”
“Dear me,” I returned, “this is indeed interesting. Then he
might have taken part in the Battle of Hastings ?”
“ Taken part in the Battle of Hastings?” exclaimed my grand-
father ; “why, he had not only taken part, but had been killed in
the Battle of Hastings ! ”
Trusting that this brief recital of undoubted facts may advance the
cause of historical research. I remain, yours sincerely,
An Old-Fashioned Liar.
ADDENDA PAPER FOR THE L. C. C.
{Prepared, in the Interests of the Public, at 85, Fleet Street.)
To consider a plan for improving omnibuses, and establishing
shelters for those who have to wait for them.
To introduce newspaper kioskes, on the Parisian system, in the
streets of London.
To build Summer cafes (with Winter gardens attached thereto) on
the Thames Embankment.
To plant trees in Regent Street, the Strand, and the Edgware and
Tottenham Court Roads.
To call to account the Vestries in the matters of dust-removal and
street-watering.
To carry out a scheme for causing the emigration (either by force
or persuasion) of organ-men, German bands, and Italian penny ice-
cream vendors.
To bury three-fourths of the London statues, and overhaul the
remainder.
And last and most important of all, to take immediate steps for
causing the abolition of that old-established nuisance, Mud Salad
Market, with or without the consent of His Grease the Duke of
Mudeord.
The Latest Thibetting.
“ With his agent the Llama triumphantly tampers ! ”
Thus at Gnatong to-day
Every one seems to say
’Tis the Ampa alone who a settlement hampers 1
As the London School Board is going to meet the Free Meal Move-
ment half-way, why not take for its Motto “ Spero meal-iora f
VOL. XCVI,
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
49
SHAKSPEARE ON THE STREETS.
(See '■'•King Henry the Fourth,” Act III., Sc. 1.)
THE BLOOM OF LONDON (COUNTY) PRIDE.
(The Unreported Report of a Meeting that never Met.)
The Council had met, and were considering the election of
Aldermen. There was a goodly gathering, and in the centre sud-
denly appeared a Personage that seemed a combination of leaders
from newspapers, House of Commons speeches, and old traditions.
“ I am Public Opinion!” thundered the Personage, and then it
became known that it was the desire of Public Opinion that the
Councillors should give their individual views on the subject of the
election of Aldermen.
“ Well,” said the Member for West Marylebone, looking through
his pince-nez, and smiling, “I cannot help feeling that some one
should be selected—who has entertained Her Majesty to five o’clock
tea.”
“You mean Sir Reginald Hanson,” observed the Member for the
Strand, “ and I don’t agree with you. Give me an Alderman who
can organise a procession that will do credit to the City like-”
“Mr. Augustus Harris,” put in one Member of the City, with a
sneer. “ But you have horses. I know the very man to attend to
them.”
“You mean the Earl of Rosebery,” added the other Member for
the City. “Well, perhaps, yes; but horses are not so interesting
as ants or bees. Why not get a good Naturalist, and some one who
admires the Bank Holiday Movement.”
“ Like Sir John Lubbock, for instance,” murmured the Member
for Haggerston. “ Yes ; but we must do something more than look
at horses ; we must tackle Mayors—Lord Mayors ; and as for ants,
why the ’auuts of the City Companies (as a Cockney would say)
should be our game. Now, for an Alderman, we could not select
anyone better fitted for the post than that earnest reformer, Mr.-”
“Firth! ” lisped the Member for St. George’s, Hanover Square.
“I think Firth thould be lasth! Now a Volunteer-”
“Who is first-rate at organisation—that’s what you mean,”
interrupted the Member for Woolwich. “Yes, I know; but you
won’t find him in Howard Vincent— you had better far take me! ”
“ What ’8 the Hughes ? ” was the frivolous commentary of Public
Opinion — the mood of Public Opinion is very changeable. The
Voice continued, in a more earnest tone—a tone full of gravity, “You
say that the perfect Alderman should be beloved and respected by
Royalty ? ”
“ Hear, hear ! ” cried Sir Reginald.
“ And good at pageants.”
“ Certainly! ” ejaculated Augustus Druriolanus.
“And fond of animals—horses, ants, and bees ! ”
“ So we think,” replied Sir John and the Earl.
“ And a real reformer, a perfect organiser, and, in fact, a thorough
statesman and philanthropist! ”
“ Yes, yes ! ” was the universal shout.
‘ ‘ But where will you find a man, who in his own person combines
all these qualifications ? ”
There was a dead silence.
“ There is only one person in London, England, Europe, the world,
so qualified,” continued the Voice of Public Opinion, “and that
person is-”
Then the Power of Public Opinion was exhibited even in the
London County Council, and there was a shout that sounded far and
wide of “ Mr. Punch ! ”
“ Yes,” assented Public Opinion, “ Mr. Punch is the best possible
Alderman, as he is the best possible everything else, so would you
escape the ignoble fate of Bumbledom, keep your eye upon Mr. Punch,
and ask him to pull you through.”
And with this, Public Opinion disappeared, and the Members of
the London County Council were left (for the moment) to their own
devices, and the cheering influence of their pretty portraits as pub-
lished in the current number of the Illustrated London Neics.
STORIES OE THE PAST.
My Dear Mr. Punch,
There has been so much correspondence about Links with
the Past, that I think my own experience will be of interest to your
readers. If so, it is heartily at your service.
When I was a lad, I perfectly well recollect being taken on the
shoulders of my grandfather to see Her Majesty Queen Victoria
proceeding in State to Westminster on the occasion of her Jubilee.
My grandfather then told me (as the fireworks were being let off)
that he had spoken to a gentleman who was present at the execution
of King Charles the First.
“ How can that be ? ” I asked, “ for according to your own account,
you were not living at the time of the Battle of Waterloo ! ” which
indeed, was constantly his assertion.
“ I am surprised that you should doubt my word ! ” replied my
grandfather.
“I doubt your word,” I respectfully returned, “because your
story seems so marvellous. It is impossible to believe it! ”
“ Then, if you do not believe it, it is no use to tell you, that the
man who spoke to my grandfather, and was present at the execution
of Charles the First, was a Baron who had actually signed Magna
Charta! ”
“ You do not say so! ” I exclaimed, fairly astounded at the gigantic
jumps we were making from the Present into the Past. “ Why, in
two lives about five centuries are covered! ”
“ Yes, I fancy that is about the right measure,” said my grand-
father, musingly, “but I have not entirely exhausted the subject.”
“ Why did the man who spoke to my great-grandfather at the
execution of Charles the First, and who had signed Magna Charta
years and years before, serve for a further link with the past ? ”
‘ ‘ Certainly ; he was acquainted with persons who knew Richard
the First intimately, and had himself dined with the first of our
Henries.”
“Dear me,” I returned, “this is indeed interesting. Then he
might have taken part in the Battle of Hastings ?”
“ Taken part in the Battle of Hastings?” exclaimed my grand-
father ; “why, he had not only taken part, but had been killed in
the Battle of Hastings ! ”
Trusting that this brief recital of undoubted facts may advance the
cause of historical research. I remain, yours sincerely,
An Old-Fashioned Liar.
ADDENDA PAPER FOR THE L. C. C.
{Prepared, in the Interests of the Public, at 85, Fleet Street.)
To consider a plan for improving omnibuses, and establishing
shelters for those who have to wait for them.
To introduce newspaper kioskes, on the Parisian system, in the
streets of London.
To build Summer cafes (with Winter gardens attached thereto) on
the Thames Embankment.
To plant trees in Regent Street, the Strand, and the Edgware and
Tottenham Court Roads.
To call to account the Vestries in the matters of dust-removal and
street-watering.
To carry out a scheme for causing the emigration (either by force
or persuasion) of organ-men, German bands, and Italian penny ice-
cream vendors.
To bury three-fourths of the London statues, and overhaul the
remainder.
And last and most important of all, to take immediate steps for
causing the abolition of that old-established nuisance, Mud Salad
Market, with or without the consent of His Grease the Duke of
Mudeord.
The Latest Thibetting.
“ With his agent the Llama triumphantly tampers ! ”
Thus at Gnatong to-day
Every one seems to say
’Tis the Ampa alone who a settlement hampers 1
As the London School Board is going to meet the Free Meal Move-
ment half-way, why not take for its Motto “ Spero meal-iora f
VOL. XCVI,