Punch: Punch (96.1889)

April 13, 1889.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

1GD

ART AND LETTERS.

As our Merry-Go-Round Inspector of Studios couldn’t go every-
where, we hit upon the simple plan of inducing some of the leading
artists themselves to furnish ns with their own notices of their
principal works intended for public exhibition this season.

Fromfhe President to the Editor— Caro Mio,—I shall he more
than enchanted to oblige you. Metis que voulez-
vous f' Every minute is precioso to us both. As to
the pictures, eh, hien, I need hardly call to your
memory how purely Schiller renders my senti-
ments when he says, “ Prsuche Sie aber haupt-
sachlich mit grosster Pile zu verfahren.” You
will see some Greek maidens—ah!—to quote the
witty epigram of Apelles, our own poetic fellow-
craftsman :—“ Tyv£> 7tot /3oi\epei ttcuvt, ptitioi, MetV
/3?70e ypar5 arSde xXacrmK. areiAe.” Vieni, Caro mio,
and as Dante said to Francesca, “Suonate il campanello alia porta,”
— an action into which may he thrown all the grace of a Greek
god, or which may exhibit only the gaucherie of .
a Boeotian clown. You remember that wise and
witty- saying of Cervantes, ‘ ‘ Ps muy hermosa dia
despues la Lluvia.” Perhaps you will retort with
Pedrillo, “ Tu eres otro. A Dios.” F. L.

From Alma-Tadema, P. A.—No, my dear Yallow,
not anoder pragtigal choke of Helly O’Gobbleus
out of all dese rose-leaf now, hot a bersbactive
sobjack called “Hard Pines.” Some Roman chorus-
girls zleeping on de wed marble floor afder a light
bregfast of honey and gugumbers. Bootiful! Bootiful! Bud'nod
in time for dese Agademy und Krovenor Kallery. A. T.

From J. C. Horsley, P.A.—Dear Editor, my big picture is “ The
Remorse of Godiva,” showing her in bed, only the
tip of her beautiful nose visible. J. C. H.

From John Brett, RA.—Belay and avast, Mr.
Editor! You ’ll see. Breezy and fine picture.
“ The Lion, the Lizard, and the
Stag,” a little geographical joke
on the Coast of Cornwall. Shall
get Academy to engage policeman
to keep off crowd, who will crush
in to see the joke. J. B.

From Professor Hubert Herkomer, A.R.A.,

M.A., F.S.A.—My good man, don’t bother about
pictures. Come to Bushey, see my new moon,—
great scenic effect, — and hear the Cantata.

Wagner not in it. Chorus of students. H. EL

From Marcus Stone, R.A.—Dear Editor,—Picture ? Oh, yes,
“ The Lncomplete Letter Writers ”—you know—
same lot—still going on with their correspondence—
eh?—“To he continued in our next.” Well,
the public appreciate this sort of thing and so
does M. S.

From T. Faed R.A.—My picture is Our Dear
Old Home. Scotch subject. There are evidences
of recent obstreperousness on the part of the
gudeman, over whose prostrate form stands the
gudewife, with a broken bellows in her hand. The
bairns ‘ skeered ’ are huddled up together in a corner, crying out,
“ Aiblins, what’s hame without a mither! ” Yery fine. T. F.

From J, P. Frith, R.A.—Dear Ed.,—Your boy called twice.
I have done a few “Reminis-
cences.” You’ll see. J, P. F.

From Sir John E. Millais,

Bart., R.A.—Dear Old Chap,

Show you my pictures? With
pleasure. At M‘Clean’s place.

No more private views at my own
house. Lost too many umbrellas.

Names? Descriptions? Well,

’p_on my life, haven’t thought
of names—some critic fellows will call ’em names, hey?—and as
to their description — well — I can only say they ’re first-rate,
—“though I says.it as shouldn’t, eh?” Hope you’re well, but of
course, you scribbling chaps are always well, while we poor painters
—no, dash it, I’m not a poor painter!—shouldn’t like to hear anyone
else say this,—if he did, I’d punch his head. “Punch ! ” ha! ha!
appropriate that. And new, eh ? Capital cartoon of J. T.’s, that one
I mean about the what’s-his-name standing upon the thingumijig,
and saying to Lord What-you-may-call-’im,—I forget what, but
you know. Best thing I ever saw. Adoo! adoo! J. E. M.

[Perhaps next week we may be able to give some further interesting details,
on which our readers can place the most perfect reliance.—Ed.]

ON COMMISSION.

April 2, 3, 4.—The working days of'the week have been devoted to
paying the closest possible attention to an admirable Abridgment of the
History of Jr eland, by my learned friend, Sir Charles Russell. And
here let me say, in all sober seriousness, that it was comprised in a
speech that was worthy of the man and the theme—a speech that, by
itself, was sufficient to hand down the name of the Counsel for the
Defence to posterity, as one of the ablest lawyers and one of the most
eloquent orators that has ever graced the English Bar. As the great
speech has already been reported in detail in other quarters, it is
superfluous to.repeat it word for word in these columns. If it were,
it might possibly occupy more space than is put, and I may say
rightly put, at my disposal. So I will content myself with repro-
ducing the manner of Sir Charles in a dramatic form, adopting
for the purpose a well-known popular oration that in the past was
left unfortunately imperfect. I do this so that those who are to
follow in the footsteps of my learned friend, and myself, at the Bar
may have the benefit of what I may perhaps be permitted to describe
as a lesson in impressively-posturing elocution.

Orator (leaning gracefully back on bench, and in a colloquial tone).
So she went into the garden to cut a cabbage-leaf {he pauses, looks
at the Bench, produces from pocket a silken arrangement of green
and Lndian pink) to
make (pauses, lei-
surely uses silken
arrangement appro-
priately, and replaces
it in pocket)—to make
an apple pie. And

at the same time S
{pauses, places pince-
nez on nose, and ex- |yfp\
amines books in front |
of him, selects one
and reads) a great
she-bear, coming up
the street {puts down
book, takes off pince-
nez, and looks fixedly
at the Bench), pops
its head into the shop.

{Pauses. Raises his

Something like a Speech.

left hand with left fist clenched. Then, with great and grave earnest-
ness.) What, no soap! {Sadly and regretfully clutches with his
right hand at basket containing documents.) So he died ! And she
{uses snuff-box, which is then replaced) very imprudently {ivith right
hand outstretched, forefinger pointing to someone in the well of the
Court) married {ivith immense force)—married the Barber! '{Long
pause, during which the Orator looks slowly and gravely round at
audience. Then, in a more conversational tone.) And there were
present the Picinninies (Mr. Asquith touches him, he turns round,
listens, and bows thanks), and the Joblilies, and the Garyulies, and
the Grand PaDjandrum himself {puts up pince-nez, and reads scrap of
paper just passed to him),—and—yes—as my learned friend, Mr.
Asquith reminds me {clasping his hands persuasively), with the little
round button at top. {Produces linen handkerchief, gazes at it,
and returns it to pocket. Considers. Then with ever-increasing
energy.) And they all fell to playing the game Wight arm raised in
gesture of disgust) of catch as catch can, till {very distinctly, and
with his left hand raised to his ear and then brought down sharply)—
till the {very loud) Gunpowder!! ! {long pause, and then, in a voice
broken with deep emotion, which almost sinks into a whisper at the
last word) ran out at the heels of their {very softly) boots! {Tears
and suppressed sobs in Court.)

As to the matter of Sir Charles’s speech, it does not become me
to offer an opinion at this stage of the inquiry. I have already
expressed the genuine admiration I feel for my learned friend.

Pump-handle Court. {Signed) A. Briefless, Jun.

Electrifying !— In a speech last week, Lord Crawford is
reported to have said,—“ My Corporation proposes to take a large
area.” This was a propos of the project of “The Electric
Lighting Supply Corporation ” for illuminating the Metropolis. His
Lordship also remarked, that his ‘ ‘ Corporation was going to creep
from several centres.” Whereupon Mr. Will, Q.C., M.P., asked
him “ from how many centres the Corporation proposed to creep?”
{Laughter.) Where there’s a Will, there’s always a way of getting
a laugh with a good audience. But why wasn’t Mr. Lockwood, Q.C.
(Quizzing Counsel), present to illustrate it ?

“There is a Flower that Bloometh.”—The Flower of the
Opposition flock is indeed one that “ Blooms in the Spring, tra la,
after his Steeplechase victory last Saturday. In celebration the
Opposition should give an entertainment, and play Cyril's Success.

VOL. XCVR

Q