DOI Heft:
June 15, 1889
DOI Seite / Zitierlink: https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17687#0293
June 15, 1889.]
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
285
A Menace to “ La Perfide Albion.’
TO CALAIS AND BACK BY PEN AND PENCIL.
Mr. Punch, the Most Respected,
When I told you how I wished to see the beautiful France,
to inaugurate the harbour of Calais, you replied, “ Do so, Parkins.”
When I said I was an exile from a country I love like a mother—
0 my female parent! —
that were I to return (to
music), I should he arrested,
and perhaps (oh, horrible !)
he expelled! you suggested,
‘ ‘ Then why not go in dis-
guise ? ” It was a grand
idea! I love all that is of
the theatre! Still I hesi-
tated ! I questioned you
once again. “What dis-
guise?” Once more you
were ready with an answer
—“You might go as a
Member of the Punch
Staff.” I trembled! How
could I undertake such a task—such a responsibility ? You continued
—“ You will find it easy enough—you are already considered comic.”
So I started. I was full of amusing anecdotes (ancient and
modern), and wore my best smile. We left the Victoria Station at
half-past eight—our train carrying a most distinguished freight.
There were high Government officials and authors, but, above all,
there were those admirable gentlemen, the Commander-in-Chief of
the Continental Traffic, and the Secretary of State for London,
Chatham, and Dover Affairs. As we passed the various stations,
en route, I fancy I noticed the pointsmen tremble with emotion as
they recognised us. I motioned to them not to leave their work—
to cheer us—as I considered that a display of good-will at such
a time, although deeply gratifying, might cause an accident.
On our arrival at Dover, we were conducted, with every sign
of rejoicing, to the Calais-Douvres. This is the magnificent new
steamer of the L. C. & D. R., and worthily replaces its namesake,
the wonderful Siamese twin-vessel that, it mil be remembered, was
always at the service of passengers subject to mat de mer— except
in rough weather! In rough weather the old Calais-Douvres very
wisely remained at home. Our voyage was uneventful. Amongst
our number on board was a distinguished Member of the House of
Peers, who by an oversight had neglected to bring his robes with
him (he had even forgotten the box containing his travelling coronet!)
and who, consequently elected to keep in the background. I felt,
that my countrymen would pardon this noble self-effacement—when
they understood that of course Englishmen cannot forget that the
loss of Calais caused the gravest regret to an illustrious ancestress
of Her present Majesty. The commemoration of the French Revolu-
tion cannot be officially recognised, nor can the cession of Calais by
England to France!
As the Calais-Douvres reached its destination (in admirable time)
The President Visits the Sight of Waterlow.
my heart increased its pulsations. I nearly fainted with emotion as
1 noticed there was a new buffet. Would it be safe to land ? I would
risk it! As the Representative of the noblest form of Literature, I
was soon eating and drinking all that was of the best. Fearing
to be recognised (although my proceedings did not appear to cause
surprise) I returned on hoard shortly after the dejeuner, and awaited
the visit of the President. But first, we had a procession. It was
led by a dispatch-boat occupied (by M. Carnot, and followed by a
second dispatch-boat, then came some torpedo vessels (representing
the French Navy) then sample vessels from the Railway Companies.
One of the latter—the Albert Victor belonging to the S. E. R.—
seemed to me to get out of hand and would stroke the quay with her
paddle-box. I could not see those on board, hut felt intuitively
that this (proceeding must have given great delight to Sir Edward
and his ever genial colleague S’ Myles—I beg pardon, I should say
Sir. Myles. As the President passed, there was a little cheering,
which sounded to me as if it came from British throats. We watched
the procession as it disappeared, and then after an hour’s pause we
noticed a crowd approaching. It was headed by M. Carnot. After
a careful (and probably exhaustive) inspection of the resources of
the new Railway Station, the crowd emerged from a waiting-room,
and made for the Calais-Douvres. This was the supreme moment
of my day! The President (such a President! not even in a cocked
hat and on foot !) attended by his Generals (such Generals !—were I
at the Bureau de la Guerre I would-but stay, I must dissemble),
came on hoard. Sir Sydney Waterlow, the D. C. of the L. C. &
D. R., received him. Mr. William Forbes bowed. I who speak to
you, concealed my face! I smiled grimly as I saw M. Carnot
shudder and grow paler than ever, as he noticed the preparations
in some of the cabins for what you call “ dirty weather.” Ah ! this
President! he is no sailor! His suite were dressed de rigueur—
gibus, evening clothes, and an umbrella ! He did not recognise me !
Then I remembered that I was hidden in the personality of a
member of the Staff of Punch, and laughed ! Who would not laugh
at such a sight ? The pro-
cession—the President, the l;
Generals (such Generals!),
the bouquet-bearer (such a
bouquet!), the gentilhommes
in evening dress (such even-
ing dress !) — once more,
vanished. 1 was not known \f
—I was not denounced! I
was saved!
In the evening I assisted
at the Banquet. It was
very good. A dream—not
followed by a nightmare !
Is there more to tell ? No,
I think not—save to say
that I returned in perfect safety to England. And yet I must add
this : In spite of the necessity of concealing my identity ; in spite
of whatever may have been the blandishments of that grand old
farceur, Sir Wilfrid Lawson (who was on board the Calais-
Douvres) ; in spite of the disappointment of not having the
opportunity of choosing a second horse at a circus—I did not return
disguised in liquor ! Accept my consideration the most distinguished,
The Brav’ General.
[We are a little surprised at the above communication, as we have no
recollection of asking any foreigner to represent us at the inauguration of the
Calais Harbour. We were under the impression that the gentleman who
accepted the post of “Our Special Commissioner” (and whose handwriting,
although rather shaky, strangely resembles that of our unknown Correspon-
dent) was British born. It is right to add that we are told, on what seems
to us to be good authority, that this individual did not return by the Calais-
Douvres. It is said that, having attempted to dance (under the inspiration
of the moment) the “ Pas de Calais ” at the Ball following the Banquet, he
was promptly removed, and, through the kindness of the Authorities, was
subsequently provided, free of expense, with an apartment in that well-
known hostelry, the Ildtel de Yille. We still await from him an explanation
of what appears to be a mystery.—Ed.]
New Version of the “ Pas de Calais.”
STABLE COMPANIONS.
Abroad and At Home.
\m
The “Oaks” 1)ay, June*7, 1889.
VOI. XCVI,
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
285
A Menace to “ La Perfide Albion.’
TO CALAIS AND BACK BY PEN AND PENCIL.
Mr. Punch, the Most Respected,
When I told you how I wished to see the beautiful France,
to inaugurate the harbour of Calais, you replied, “ Do so, Parkins.”
When I said I was an exile from a country I love like a mother—
0 my female parent! —
that were I to return (to
music), I should he arrested,
and perhaps (oh, horrible !)
he expelled! you suggested,
‘ ‘ Then why not go in dis-
guise ? ” It was a grand
idea! I love all that is of
the theatre! Still I hesi-
tated ! I questioned you
once again. “What dis-
guise?” Once more you
were ready with an answer
—“You might go as a
Member of the Punch
Staff.” I trembled! How
could I undertake such a task—such a responsibility ? You continued
—“ You will find it easy enough—you are already considered comic.”
So I started. I was full of amusing anecdotes (ancient and
modern), and wore my best smile. We left the Victoria Station at
half-past eight—our train carrying a most distinguished freight.
There were high Government officials and authors, but, above all,
there were those admirable gentlemen, the Commander-in-Chief of
the Continental Traffic, and the Secretary of State for London,
Chatham, and Dover Affairs. As we passed the various stations,
en route, I fancy I noticed the pointsmen tremble with emotion as
they recognised us. I motioned to them not to leave their work—
to cheer us—as I considered that a display of good-will at such
a time, although deeply gratifying, might cause an accident.
On our arrival at Dover, we were conducted, with every sign
of rejoicing, to the Calais-Douvres. This is the magnificent new
steamer of the L. C. & D. R., and worthily replaces its namesake,
the wonderful Siamese twin-vessel that, it mil be remembered, was
always at the service of passengers subject to mat de mer— except
in rough weather! In rough weather the old Calais-Douvres very
wisely remained at home. Our voyage was uneventful. Amongst
our number on board was a distinguished Member of the House of
Peers, who by an oversight had neglected to bring his robes with
him (he had even forgotten the box containing his travelling coronet!)
and who, consequently elected to keep in the background. I felt,
that my countrymen would pardon this noble self-effacement—when
they understood that of course Englishmen cannot forget that the
loss of Calais caused the gravest regret to an illustrious ancestress
of Her present Majesty. The commemoration of the French Revolu-
tion cannot be officially recognised, nor can the cession of Calais by
England to France!
As the Calais-Douvres reached its destination (in admirable time)
The President Visits the Sight of Waterlow.
my heart increased its pulsations. I nearly fainted with emotion as
1 noticed there was a new buffet. Would it be safe to land ? I would
risk it! As the Representative of the noblest form of Literature, I
was soon eating and drinking all that was of the best. Fearing
to be recognised (although my proceedings did not appear to cause
surprise) I returned on hoard shortly after the dejeuner, and awaited
the visit of the President. But first, we had a procession. It was
led by a dispatch-boat occupied (by M. Carnot, and followed by a
second dispatch-boat, then came some torpedo vessels (representing
the French Navy) then sample vessels from the Railway Companies.
One of the latter—the Albert Victor belonging to the S. E. R.—
seemed to me to get out of hand and would stroke the quay with her
paddle-box. I could not see those on board, hut felt intuitively
that this (proceeding must have given great delight to Sir Edward
and his ever genial colleague S’ Myles—I beg pardon, I should say
Sir. Myles. As the President passed, there was a little cheering,
which sounded to me as if it came from British throats. We watched
the procession as it disappeared, and then after an hour’s pause we
noticed a crowd approaching. It was headed by M. Carnot. After
a careful (and probably exhaustive) inspection of the resources of
the new Railway Station, the crowd emerged from a waiting-room,
and made for the Calais-Douvres. This was the supreme moment
of my day! The President (such a President! not even in a cocked
hat and on foot !) attended by his Generals (such Generals !—were I
at the Bureau de la Guerre I would-but stay, I must dissemble),
came on hoard. Sir Sydney Waterlow, the D. C. of the L. C. &
D. R., received him. Mr. William Forbes bowed. I who speak to
you, concealed my face! I smiled grimly as I saw M. Carnot
shudder and grow paler than ever, as he noticed the preparations
in some of the cabins for what you call “ dirty weather.” Ah ! this
President! he is no sailor! His suite were dressed de rigueur—
gibus, evening clothes, and an umbrella ! He did not recognise me !
Then I remembered that I was hidden in the personality of a
member of the Staff of Punch, and laughed ! Who would not laugh
at such a sight ? The pro-
cession—the President, the l;
Generals (such Generals!),
the bouquet-bearer (such a
bouquet!), the gentilhommes
in evening dress (such even-
ing dress !) — once more,
vanished. 1 was not known \f
—I was not denounced! I
was saved!
In the evening I assisted
at the Banquet. It was
very good. A dream—not
followed by a nightmare !
Is there more to tell ? No,
I think not—save to say
that I returned in perfect safety to England. And yet I must add
this : In spite of the necessity of concealing my identity ; in spite
of whatever may have been the blandishments of that grand old
farceur, Sir Wilfrid Lawson (who was on board the Calais-
Douvres) ; in spite of the disappointment of not having the
opportunity of choosing a second horse at a circus—I did not return
disguised in liquor ! Accept my consideration the most distinguished,
The Brav’ General.
[We are a little surprised at the above communication, as we have no
recollection of asking any foreigner to represent us at the inauguration of the
Calais Harbour. We were under the impression that the gentleman who
accepted the post of “Our Special Commissioner” (and whose handwriting,
although rather shaky, strangely resembles that of our unknown Correspon-
dent) was British born. It is right to add that we are told, on what seems
to us to be good authority, that this individual did not return by the Calais-
Douvres. It is said that, having attempted to dance (under the inspiration
of the moment) the “ Pas de Calais ” at the Ball following the Banquet, he
was promptly removed, and, through the kindness of the Authorities, was
subsequently provided, free of expense, with an apartment in that well-
known hostelry, the Ildtel de Yille. We still await from him an explanation
of what appears to be a mystery.—Ed.]
New Version of the “ Pas de Calais.”
STABLE COMPANIONS.
Abroad and At Home.
\m
The “Oaks” 1)ay, June*7, 1889.
VOI. XCVI,