DOI Heft:
June 8, 1889
DOI Seite / Zitierlink: https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17687#0278
June 8, 1889.]
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
269
of rope—and get through the novel easily
within a three hours’ railway iournev.
“Alone I did it!”
SPECIAL COMMISSIONERS EAR FROM THE MADDING CROWD.
President. “Smith, oub noble selves ! Quite eight to adjoubn foe the Deeby, Day !!
ON COMMISSION.
May 28, 29, 30, and 31.—The feature of
the week has been the examination and
cross-examination of Mr. Biggae. Of course,
it would he very wrong to comment upon the
evidence of the distinguished humorist in
question, hut I must be permitted to say,
that there were many present who expected
a scene, when he was called, something like
the following
Counsel (rising and referring to his brief).
Mr. Biggae, I think you are a politician ?
Witness (rubbing his head). Bedad, Sorr,
that am I, as the pig said when he turned
himself into bacon f [Roars of laughter.
Counsel (quietly amused). Never mind the
pig for the moment, Mr. Biggae.
Witness [quaintly). But begorrah, Sorr, if
I don’t mind the pig, the pig won’t mind me!
[.Renewed laughter.
Counsel filing his lip). How long have you
been in the House of Commons ?
Witness. The House of Commons, is it ?
(.Stroking his nose ivith his forefinger.) Shure
it became the House of un-Commons when I
jined it! [Further laughter.
Counsel (suppressing a smile). Pray he
serious, Mr. Biggae.
Witness. Serious is it! Look at that,
now! How will 1 he serious? (With a
merry twinkle in his eye.) Do ye take me
for an ould blind fiddler, who can’t rade be-
cause it’s too dark for him to say ! &c., &c.,
&c. [General merriment.
I must admit that certainly Mr. Biggae
did not give his evidence in a manner closely
resembling the above. On the other hand,
I should be exceedingly loth to assert that
his cross-examination was at all like the
following:—
Counsel (rising deferentially). I think,
Mr. Biggae, you have devoted many years
of your life to public affairs ?
[Every one in Court on the alert for some
thing witty in reply.
“EN BON PRINCE.”
Weites our Prince to Howaed Vincent :—
“ I prefer to think you inn’cent
Of the mess at the Parade
Of the gallant Fire Brigade,
“When the crowd would have been cleared
Had you never interfered,
And the Medals would have been
Graciously bestowed, I ween.
‘ ‘ I forgive and I forget,
But, Unt-’Oward Vincent, let
That unlucky Saturday,—
’Twas the twenty-fifth of May,—
In your mems he marked, en noir,
‘ Medal and Muddle.’ Au revoir ! ”
PETITES BOUCHEES DE BUSHEV.
“ A good play needs no Bushey.”
“ Off with bonnets! Hat-tention! ”
“ Light modern Comic Opera I do not des-
pise, as is proved by my engagement of
Dorothy-Dene.”
FANCY IMPRESSIONIST PORTRAIT.
{By Bon Lunatico Inky Kendo.)
Witness (gravely). Certainly.
Counsel. I do not wish to unduly press
you, but can you give me any idea of how
many years have been thus devoted ?
[The Public smilingly expectant for a bon-mot
of unusual brilliancy.
Witness (solemnly). 1 cannot say.
Counsel. May we take it that you have
been engaged in public affairs for some
twenty years or so ?
[Audience on the qui vive for the best thing
heard during this century.
Witness (with a sigh). 1 believe so.
Counsel. I am sure you will credit me,
Mr. Biggae, when I say that I have no inten-
tion of fixing you to dates ; but may I take
it that those twenty years may he said to
extend from 1869 to 1889 ?
[General anticipation of something waggish
beyond parallel.
Witness (wearily). Probably, &c., &c., &c.
[General somnolence.
A less important incident of the week was
the appearance of Mr. Aethue O’Connoe
(late of the War Office, and now a member
of the British Bar) without his wig. On Fri-
day, the Court adjourned until the 18tli of
June, on the understanding (which, however,
was not expressed in terms) that, if neces-
sary, there should be a purely informal in-
terim meeting of both sides on the 5th—at
Epsom. (Signed) ^ Beiefless, Juniob.
Pump-handle Court.
OUR BOOKING-OFFICE.
A Mystery of Queen Anne's Gate, by
Richabd Arkwright, is a good story in two
volumes, for which the author must be praised,
as he might have spun it out into three. It
would have been better in one volume, as
though the story is interesting and the ex-
citement well sustained, yet you can skip
handfuls of it at a time—plenty of skipping
exercise, and you can give yourself any amount
Professor Hair-Comber of Bushey.
“ If Miss D. D. makes a great success here,
I shall engage her permanently and call this
the Deanery.” ___
‘1J ohn Smith, I ’ ve heard that name before. ’ ’
“ I compose these little things in my Idyl
moments.” _____
“lam going to compose an ode to the County
in which I dwell.
“ I shall call it Herts, mein Herts ! ”
“ Hope to give this performance in the Hall
of my College, All Souls’ Oxford. ‘ Bene natus,’
I’ve always enjoyed excellent health. Was
horn well, and hope to continue so—lBene
vestitus,’ everyone will come in evening dress;
no bonnets or hats, ‘ Moderate doctus ’—
Mustn’t know too much about it. Don’t like
self-sufficient critics.
H.H., A.R.A., B.A., Oxon.”
vol, xcvi.
A a
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
269
of rope—and get through the novel easily
within a three hours’ railway iournev.
“Alone I did it!”
SPECIAL COMMISSIONERS EAR FROM THE MADDING CROWD.
President. “Smith, oub noble selves ! Quite eight to adjoubn foe the Deeby, Day !!
ON COMMISSION.
May 28, 29, 30, and 31.—The feature of
the week has been the examination and
cross-examination of Mr. Biggae. Of course,
it would he very wrong to comment upon the
evidence of the distinguished humorist in
question, hut I must be permitted to say,
that there were many present who expected
a scene, when he was called, something like
the following
Counsel (rising and referring to his brief).
Mr. Biggae, I think you are a politician ?
Witness (rubbing his head). Bedad, Sorr,
that am I, as the pig said when he turned
himself into bacon f [Roars of laughter.
Counsel (quietly amused). Never mind the
pig for the moment, Mr. Biggae.
Witness [quaintly). But begorrah, Sorr, if
I don’t mind the pig, the pig won’t mind me!
[.Renewed laughter.
Counsel filing his lip). How long have you
been in the House of Commons ?
Witness. The House of Commons, is it ?
(.Stroking his nose ivith his forefinger.) Shure
it became the House of un-Commons when I
jined it! [Further laughter.
Counsel (suppressing a smile). Pray he
serious, Mr. Biggae.
Witness. Serious is it! Look at that,
now! How will 1 he serious? (With a
merry twinkle in his eye.) Do ye take me
for an ould blind fiddler, who can’t rade be-
cause it’s too dark for him to say ! &c., &c.,
&c. [General merriment.
I must admit that certainly Mr. Biggae
did not give his evidence in a manner closely
resembling the above. On the other hand,
I should be exceedingly loth to assert that
his cross-examination was at all like the
following:—
Counsel (rising deferentially). I think,
Mr. Biggae, you have devoted many years
of your life to public affairs ?
[Every one in Court on the alert for some
thing witty in reply.
“EN BON PRINCE.”
Weites our Prince to Howaed Vincent :—
“ I prefer to think you inn’cent
Of the mess at the Parade
Of the gallant Fire Brigade,
“When the crowd would have been cleared
Had you never interfered,
And the Medals would have been
Graciously bestowed, I ween.
‘ ‘ I forgive and I forget,
But, Unt-’Oward Vincent, let
That unlucky Saturday,—
’Twas the twenty-fifth of May,—
In your mems he marked, en noir,
‘ Medal and Muddle.’ Au revoir ! ”
PETITES BOUCHEES DE BUSHEV.
“ A good play needs no Bushey.”
“ Off with bonnets! Hat-tention! ”
“ Light modern Comic Opera I do not des-
pise, as is proved by my engagement of
Dorothy-Dene.”
FANCY IMPRESSIONIST PORTRAIT.
{By Bon Lunatico Inky Kendo.)
Witness (gravely). Certainly.
Counsel. I do not wish to unduly press
you, but can you give me any idea of how
many years have been thus devoted ?
[The Public smilingly expectant for a bon-mot
of unusual brilliancy.
Witness (solemnly). 1 cannot say.
Counsel. May we take it that you have
been engaged in public affairs for some
twenty years or so ?
[Audience on the qui vive for the best thing
heard during this century.
Witness (with a sigh). 1 believe so.
Counsel. I am sure you will credit me,
Mr. Biggae, when I say that I have no inten-
tion of fixing you to dates ; but may I take
it that those twenty years may he said to
extend from 1869 to 1889 ?
[General anticipation of something waggish
beyond parallel.
Witness (wearily). Probably, &c., &c., &c.
[General somnolence.
A less important incident of the week was
the appearance of Mr. Aethue O’Connoe
(late of the War Office, and now a member
of the British Bar) without his wig. On Fri-
day, the Court adjourned until the 18tli of
June, on the understanding (which, however,
was not expressed in terms) that, if neces-
sary, there should be a purely informal in-
terim meeting of both sides on the 5th—at
Epsom. (Signed) ^ Beiefless, Juniob.
Pump-handle Court.
OUR BOOKING-OFFICE.
A Mystery of Queen Anne's Gate, by
Richabd Arkwright, is a good story in two
volumes, for which the author must be praised,
as he might have spun it out into three. It
would have been better in one volume, as
though the story is interesting and the ex-
citement well sustained, yet you can skip
handfuls of it at a time—plenty of skipping
exercise, and you can give yourself any amount
Professor Hair-Comber of Bushey.
“ If Miss D. D. makes a great success here,
I shall engage her permanently and call this
the Deanery.” ___
‘1J ohn Smith, I ’ ve heard that name before. ’ ’
“ I compose these little things in my Idyl
moments.” _____
“lam going to compose an ode to the County
in which I dwell.
“ I shall call it Herts, mein Herts ! ”
“ Hope to give this performance in the Hall
of my College, All Souls’ Oxford. ‘ Bene natus,’
I’ve always enjoyed excellent health. Was
horn well, and hope to continue so—lBene
vestitus,’ everyone will come in evening dress;
no bonnets or hats, ‘ Moderate doctus ’—
Mustn’t know too much about it. Don’t like
self-sufficient critics.
H.H., A.R.A., B.A., Oxon.”
vol, xcvi.
A a