DOI Heft:
June 1, 1889
DOI Seite / Zitierlink: https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17687#0277
268
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [June 1, 1889.
Debate on Naval Defence Bill set in with accustomed severity.
Thought it was all settled on Second Beading ; _ broke out again in
Committee; now begins again on Third Reading. Members who
could not catch Speaker’s eye on earlier stages, now grab at it.
Members stand it well enough till half-past seven; after that,
patience breaks down. Illingworth, rising at twenty minutes to
Eight to continue talk, uproar burst forth in deafening shouts for
Division. Aird moved Closure ; Speaker took no notice.
“Yet he must have ’Aird him,” said Charlie Bereseord, who
had made his speech, and was getting hungry.
Wilfrid Lawson followed Illingworth ; heartrending groans
from famished Members ; Lawson talked on. Eight o’clock struck;
ten minutes past; dinner spoiled in three hundred desolate homes.
Howls increase; Wilfrid immovable.
“They’ll only drink wine and cherry brandy,” he said, “if I let
’em off. * Better stop here few minutes longer.”
Quarter past eight; division called; ten minutes later three hundred
hungry men racing downstairs, and Palace Yard resonant with the
tramp of the sympathetic cab-horse and the roll of the wheels of the
hurrying brougham.
Business done.—House “kept in” over dinner-hour. Third
Reading of Naval Defence Bill carried by 183 votes against 101.
Tuesday.—Buzzing round Sugar Convention again ; Harcourt
quite in high spirits. Looked up lot of questions he was going to
ask, when what now appears to have been premature announcement
of demise made; fires them off at Treasury Bench. Gladstone
backs him up. Hicks-Beach throws himself into breach; stands
fire for ten minutes. Didn’t make very much of him ; hasn’t the
unique, benevolent simplicity of Old Morality, off which objurga-
tion, reproach, and abuse run as harmlessly as water off duck’s back.
“ The worst of Old Morality is,” Harcourt says, “ that one gets
so little for one’s pains. Blows
that would pulverise another man
haven’t slightest effect on his im-
perturbable ingenuousness. It’s
like doubling up your fists
and hammering a feather-bed.
Feather-bed shaken up, and two
minutes later presents precisely
same placid, benevolent, inviting
appearance as it did before you
wore yourself out upon it.”
Less of the feather-bed about
Hicks-Beach at question time;
but result not much more satis-
factory to assailant. ‘ ‘ I must beg
for an answer from some member
of the Government,” Harcourt
blusters.
“The answer of the Govern-
ment is,” said Michael-Angelo
Beach, “that we do not consider
it consistent with our duty and
the interests of the public service
to give the Right Hon. Gentle-
man the information he wants.”
Harcourt persisted; Glad-
stone pounded away; Michael-
Angelo, leaning confidentially
on the box, fired his last shot.
“I must decline,” he said “to answer hypothetical questions.”
Harcourt not having any other kind ready at moment, performance
terminated.
Later, Joseph Gillis appeared on scene, a rare delight in these
days. National Debt Bill on for Third Reading. Harcourt up
again, dropping big tears over Goschen’s unfaithfulness to memory
and principles of Stafford Northcote. Destroyed two great works
of his financial life—Cheap Sugar, and Scheme for Rejection of
National Debt. Harcourt could scarcely control his emotion.
Others joined in. Jokeim, temporarily laying aside cap-and-bells,
earnestly pleaded his innocence. Then Joseph Gillis appeared with
outstretched hand that instantly stilled tumult of controversy, and
left him the centre of a listening Senate. If you ’d given your mind
to it, might have heard a pin drop, as Joey B., with gaze sternly
fixed on prostrated Chancellor of the Exchequer, chanted forth
his notes of regret, attuned more to sorrow than anger, that there
should be a Government capable within the space of fifteen years of
having twice attacked financial principles of his late Right Hon.
friend, Sir Stafford Northcote.
Harcourt had said these very things, and had, indeed, the advan-
tage of uttering them first. But Joseph Gillis, unconsciously
imitating sweep of Harcourt’s arm as he delivered with Harcourtian
ponderosity the very sentiments he had heard delivered a couple of
hours earlier, was much more effective than the original. Jokeim,
listening to Harcourt, from time to time scornfully smiled and
defiantly shook his head. But when Joey B. delivered same lofty
Michael-Angelo.
sentiments, expounded identical principles of financial purity,
Jokeim’s guilty head sank on his alarmed breast, he folded his trem-
bling arms, and vainly tried to shut out with closed eyelids the spec-
tacle of the terrible accuser. Business done.—Budget Bill agreed to.
Wednesday.—London Coal Dues under discussion. Pease wants
to abolish them. Press heavily upon
the poor. Fowler (Alderman) shows,
on contrary, that prosperity of London
is derived entirely from regular exac-
tion of Coal Dues. To this source is
due Holborn Viaduct, Thames Embank-
ment, Polytechnic, Tower of London,
and Underground Sewage. If old
Charters of London are to be abolished,
then New Zealander better at once apply
to Cook’s agent for ticket for London
Bridge. Firth, urged by momentous
subject to unusual flights of eloquence,
expresses desire that ancient Charters
of London may ‘ ‘ remain in the womb
of the past.” Baumann makes clever
speech in moving rejection of Bill; but
Ritchie runs amuck at Dues. Old
Morality proposes compromise, and
Bill read a Second Time by 264 votes
against 104.
Thursday.—Scotland’s turn at last.
Ireland we have always with us ; Eng-
land gets an opportunity occasionally ;
Gallant Little Wales had evening and
morning sitting in succession last week.
Now Sandy takes the floor; all the
blue bonnets are over the border;
Westminster echoing with Scotch « All a-Mowin’ and a-gvowin’.”
accent; the wail of the pibroch heard
in distant corridor ; haggis figures prominently in menu in dining-
room. Jacoby, arrayed in lightest summer suit, perambulates
lobby. Smiles beamingly an all Scotch Members.
“We’ll hae a gude diversion the night, I’m thinkin’, Dr. Farr-
quharrson,” he said, just now to Member for West Aberdeen.
That not his usual way of speaking; but Jacoby a born Whip.
Rnows how to get at the heart of a
man. Only with greatest difficulty
his colleague, Philip Stanhope,
prevented his coming down to-night
in kilt.
“ It would fetch them,” he said;
“I’m sure Scotch very susceptible
on national matters. Would like
a little delicate attention like the
kilts.”
Stanhope said, No ; thought
they ’d better not try it yet. Jacoby,
not permitted to don Highland garb,
put on what he believed to be Scot-
tish accent; whistled “ Scots wha
hae ” as George Campbell passed
him ; asked Buchanan to lend him
copy of “ Meg Merrilees,” which he
believes is one of Scott’s novels.
Wonderfully enthusiastic man in
his new vocation!
Business done.—Debate on Scotch
Local Government Bill.
Friday Night. — A melancholy
day. At morning sitting, Scotch
Local Government Bill ; in the
evening, Pickersgill on Penal Sen-
tences. Prevailing dulness momen-
tarily varied by interesting story
told by Matthews, of How They
Went to the Prize Fight at Mose-
ley. Seems “Fancy” had them-
selves packed up in covered fur-
niture-van. Police placidly watched ponderous vehicles _ passing
along highway ; never suspected anything, though on qui vive to
stop fight. When furniture-van—“ Taking-all-Risks ”—arrived at
selected spot, unpacked, and “the furniture” went at it un-
disturbed. Busmess done— Much talk.
It is-the fashion, as a matter of business, for the Managers of sea-
side Hotels to telegraph up to town, daily, informing intending
visitors of the state of the weather, chez eux. One sends up, “ Dull
morning, warm. Glass steady.” Glad to hear it—it’s better than,
“ Dull morning, dry. Hand shaky.”
The new Whip.
0^=* NOTICE.—Rejected Communications or Contributions, whether MS., Printed Matter, Drawings, or Pictures of any description, will
in no case be returned, not even when accompanied by a Stamped and Addressed Envelope, Cover, or Wrapper. To this rule
there will be no exception.
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [June 1, 1889.
Debate on Naval Defence Bill set in with accustomed severity.
Thought it was all settled on Second Beading ; _ broke out again in
Committee; now begins again on Third Reading. Members who
could not catch Speaker’s eye on earlier stages, now grab at it.
Members stand it well enough till half-past seven; after that,
patience breaks down. Illingworth, rising at twenty minutes to
Eight to continue talk, uproar burst forth in deafening shouts for
Division. Aird moved Closure ; Speaker took no notice.
“Yet he must have ’Aird him,” said Charlie Bereseord, who
had made his speech, and was getting hungry.
Wilfrid Lawson followed Illingworth ; heartrending groans
from famished Members ; Lawson talked on. Eight o’clock struck;
ten minutes past; dinner spoiled in three hundred desolate homes.
Howls increase; Wilfrid immovable.
“They’ll only drink wine and cherry brandy,” he said, “if I let
’em off. * Better stop here few minutes longer.”
Quarter past eight; division called; ten minutes later three hundred
hungry men racing downstairs, and Palace Yard resonant with the
tramp of the sympathetic cab-horse and the roll of the wheels of the
hurrying brougham.
Business done.—House “kept in” over dinner-hour. Third
Reading of Naval Defence Bill carried by 183 votes against 101.
Tuesday.—Buzzing round Sugar Convention again ; Harcourt
quite in high spirits. Looked up lot of questions he was going to
ask, when what now appears to have been premature announcement
of demise made; fires them off at Treasury Bench. Gladstone
backs him up. Hicks-Beach throws himself into breach; stands
fire for ten minutes. Didn’t make very much of him ; hasn’t the
unique, benevolent simplicity of Old Morality, off which objurga-
tion, reproach, and abuse run as harmlessly as water off duck’s back.
“ The worst of Old Morality is,” Harcourt says, “ that one gets
so little for one’s pains. Blows
that would pulverise another man
haven’t slightest effect on his im-
perturbable ingenuousness. It’s
like doubling up your fists
and hammering a feather-bed.
Feather-bed shaken up, and two
minutes later presents precisely
same placid, benevolent, inviting
appearance as it did before you
wore yourself out upon it.”
Less of the feather-bed about
Hicks-Beach at question time;
but result not much more satis-
factory to assailant. ‘ ‘ I must beg
for an answer from some member
of the Government,” Harcourt
blusters.
“The answer of the Govern-
ment is,” said Michael-Angelo
Beach, “that we do not consider
it consistent with our duty and
the interests of the public service
to give the Right Hon. Gentle-
man the information he wants.”
Harcourt persisted; Glad-
stone pounded away; Michael-
Angelo, leaning confidentially
on the box, fired his last shot.
“I must decline,” he said “to answer hypothetical questions.”
Harcourt not having any other kind ready at moment, performance
terminated.
Later, Joseph Gillis appeared on scene, a rare delight in these
days. National Debt Bill on for Third Reading. Harcourt up
again, dropping big tears over Goschen’s unfaithfulness to memory
and principles of Stafford Northcote. Destroyed two great works
of his financial life—Cheap Sugar, and Scheme for Rejection of
National Debt. Harcourt could scarcely control his emotion.
Others joined in. Jokeim, temporarily laying aside cap-and-bells,
earnestly pleaded his innocence. Then Joseph Gillis appeared with
outstretched hand that instantly stilled tumult of controversy, and
left him the centre of a listening Senate. If you ’d given your mind
to it, might have heard a pin drop, as Joey B., with gaze sternly
fixed on prostrated Chancellor of the Exchequer, chanted forth
his notes of regret, attuned more to sorrow than anger, that there
should be a Government capable within the space of fifteen years of
having twice attacked financial principles of his late Right Hon.
friend, Sir Stafford Northcote.
Harcourt had said these very things, and had, indeed, the advan-
tage of uttering them first. But Joseph Gillis, unconsciously
imitating sweep of Harcourt’s arm as he delivered with Harcourtian
ponderosity the very sentiments he had heard delivered a couple of
hours earlier, was much more effective than the original. Jokeim,
listening to Harcourt, from time to time scornfully smiled and
defiantly shook his head. But when Joey B. delivered same lofty
Michael-Angelo.
sentiments, expounded identical principles of financial purity,
Jokeim’s guilty head sank on his alarmed breast, he folded his trem-
bling arms, and vainly tried to shut out with closed eyelids the spec-
tacle of the terrible accuser. Business done.—Budget Bill agreed to.
Wednesday.—London Coal Dues under discussion. Pease wants
to abolish them. Press heavily upon
the poor. Fowler (Alderman) shows,
on contrary, that prosperity of London
is derived entirely from regular exac-
tion of Coal Dues. To this source is
due Holborn Viaduct, Thames Embank-
ment, Polytechnic, Tower of London,
and Underground Sewage. If old
Charters of London are to be abolished,
then New Zealander better at once apply
to Cook’s agent for ticket for London
Bridge. Firth, urged by momentous
subject to unusual flights of eloquence,
expresses desire that ancient Charters
of London may ‘ ‘ remain in the womb
of the past.” Baumann makes clever
speech in moving rejection of Bill; but
Ritchie runs amuck at Dues. Old
Morality proposes compromise, and
Bill read a Second Time by 264 votes
against 104.
Thursday.—Scotland’s turn at last.
Ireland we have always with us ; Eng-
land gets an opportunity occasionally ;
Gallant Little Wales had evening and
morning sitting in succession last week.
Now Sandy takes the floor; all the
blue bonnets are over the border;
Westminster echoing with Scotch « All a-Mowin’ and a-gvowin’.”
accent; the wail of the pibroch heard
in distant corridor ; haggis figures prominently in menu in dining-
room. Jacoby, arrayed in lightest summer suit, perambulates
lobby. Smiles beamingly an all Scotch Members.
“We’ll hae a gude diversion the night, I’m thinkin’, Dr. Farr-
quharrson,” he said, just now to Member for West Aberdeen.
That not his usual way of speaking; but Jacoby a born Whip.
Rnows how to get at the heart of a
man. Only with greatest difficulty
his colleague, Philip Stanhope,
prevented his coming down to-night
in kilt.
“ It would fetch them,” he said;
“I’m sure Scotch very susceptible
on national matters. Would like
a little delicate attention like the
kilts.”
Stanhope said, No ; thought
they ’d better not try it yet. Jacoby,
not permitted to don Highland garb,
put on what he believed to be Scot-
tish accent; whistled “ Scots wha
hae ” as George Campbell passed
him ; asked Buchanan to lend him
copy of “ Meg Merrilees,” which he
believes is one of Scott’s novels.
Wonderfully enthusiastic man in
his new vocation!
Business done.—Debate on Scotch
Local Government Bill.
Friday Night. — A melancholy
day. At morning sitting, Scotch
Local Government Bill ; in the
evening, Pickersgill on Penal Sen-
tences. Prevailing dulness momen-
tarily varied by interesting story
told by Matthews, of How They
Went to the Prize Fight at Mose-
ley. Seems “Fancy” had them-
selves packed up in covered fur-
niture-van. Police placidly watched ponderous vehicles _ passing
along highway ; never suspected anything, though on qui vive to
stop fight. When furniture-van—“ Taking-all-Risks ”—arrived at
selected spot, unpacked, and “the furniture” went at it un-
disturbed. Busmess done— Much talk.
It is-the fashion, as a matter of business, for the Managers of sea-
side Hotels to telegraph up to town, daily, informing intending
visitors of the state of the weather, chez eux. One sends up, “ Dull
morning, warm. Glass steady.” Glad to hear it—it’s better than,
“ Dull morning, dry. Hand shaky.”
The new Whip.
0^=* NOTICE.—Rejected Communications or Contributions, whether MS., Printed Matter, Drawings, or Pictures of any description, will
in no case be returned, not even when accompanied by a Stamped and Addressed Envelope, Cover, or Wrapper. To this rule
there will be no exception.