DOI Heft:
May 11, 1889
DOI Seite / Zitierlink: https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17687#0227
May 11, 1889.] PUNCH, OK THE LONDON CHAKIVAKI. 217
ON COMMISSION.
April 30, May 1, 2, and 3.—I may safely say that both Bench
and Bar are all the better for the Easter Recess. Mr. Justice Day,
whose exertions and successful exertions to keep awake during the
tedious proceedings, in which he takes so active a part, quite
warranted a period of recreation, has (I
Ap understand) found that period at East-
/C bourne, and my learned and laughter-
Szf.j’W leading friend Mr. Lockwood, who also
seemed, a little out of spirits, has got
jBwlli“quite a colour” by a short sojourn (I
Awl ' believe), at Folkestone. Even that vener-
fl'l / able mystery the wig of Sir Heady
mW/Mamm ; it A James, seems fresher than it-did a fort-
night ago. Monday was not very eventful.
^') Mr. Parnell was put in the box and
yjl j examined by my friend the future Lord
Chancellor Asquith. The chief item of
.. interest in the evidence was the witness’s
ihrf• dAf. pronunciation of his own name. We
now have it on the authority of the
1 i'H'bT - Home-Rule leader himself, that he should
In-wig-orating breeze at the be called “ Parnell”—the stress on the
Law Courts. first syllable—not on the second. The
“uncrowned king” gave his opinion anent the characters of several
of his colleagues, and had generally a fine time of it. A good
deal of latitude was certainly permitted in Mr. Parnell’s examina-
tion-in-chief ; but it is only just to say that he did not criticise, nor
seek to criticise, Miss Ellen Terry as Lady Macbeth, and was
equally reticent as to his ideas about the management of the London
General Omnibus Company (Limited).
On Wednesday the Court was crowded, and the Lord Chief
Justice occupied a place on the Bench. I noticed that the L. C. J.
was telling stories to his neighbours, and regretted that I had not
the advantage of hearing what I felt must be the most amusing and
kind-hearted of narratives. The examination-in-chief over, Mr.
Attorney took Mr. Parnell in hand. Of course, it would be
impossible for me at this stage of the proceedings to write anything
about the witness’s evidence qua evidence, but I may hint that he
once described what may have seemed to some in Court a discrepancy
by the words, “Electioneering exaggeration; ” and spoke of another
variation from the truth as “probably a piece of bounce.” Like
other witnesses in this extraordinary inquiry, Mr. Parnell does not
appear always to have a very good memory. His cross-examination
might be given in a dramatic form as follows; but I beg to say
that (of course) what I subjoin is not in the least like the real thing
—let that be clearly understood—not in the least.
Mr. Attorney-General. Now, Sir, I wish to read all your speeches
since 1879 out of Hansard.
The President (mildly remonstrating). Is this absolutely necessary F
Mr. A.-G. Of course, I pay the greatest respect to your Lordship’s
expression of opinion, but I fear it is necessary.
The President [with a deep sigh of resignation). Yery well.
Mr. A.-G. Now I will begin.
Sir Charles Russell. Date, please. [Mr. A.-G. resents interruption.
Mr. A.-G. [reads long speech). And now, Mr. Parnell, what do
you say to that ?
Witness. I have no recollection of making that speech. However,
if it is in Hansard, it is highly probable that I did make it.
Mr. A.-G. I beg your pardon, Mr. Parnell, but I must press
you for an answer. Did you, or did you not ?
Witness [earnestly). When the fair land of Erin is ploughed by
the hoof of the ruthless invader who threatens, when might-
Mr. A.-G. [interrupting). Yes, I know; but please keep to the
subject. Did you, or did you not, make those speeches ?
Witness [with emotion). The man who lays his hand upon a
woman, save in the way of kindness, is unworthy of-
Mr. A.-G, [testily). Yes, yes, Mr. Parnell, I know all that;
but please answer my question.
Sir Charles Bussell [with warmth). Really I must complain of my
learned friend’s mode of conducting the witness’s cross-examination.
Mr. A.-G. Really, Sir Charles, you must let me judge of my
own actions [with a glance at the Bench). I have done nothing re-
quiring, I trust, their Lordships’ interposition ?
The President [answering his appeal). Certainly not. [Seeing Sir
Charles about to speak.) But when I say that, I do not wish to
reflect upon either of you. You both are right—quite right—every-
body is right! Pray let us grease the wheels and get on!
And now, may I be 1 allowed to earnestly thank the correspondent
who _ dates from Hanwell, and says, that it is a thousand pities I am
not in the case myself. I am very grateful to him for his kind
reference to my abilities, but I must confess, I do not quite under-
stand the allusion to the Emperor of China eating pigeon-pies made
of pine-apples, with which his letter closes.
Pump-handle Court. [Signed) A. Briefless, Junior.
WHAT WILL THEY DO WITH THEM?
Sir,—What on earth does Sir John Millais mean by alluding to
the present provision for the housing of the Portraits of the National
Collection as a “ scandal outright! ” The phrase is a most misleading
one, for the shelter of the pictures in not only comfortably, but even
luxuriously, provided for. As to temperature the difference between
the extreme cold of the winter and the heat of the summer months
does not (I have measured it myself on my own self-registering ther-
mometer),—exceed eighty-five degrees, and such dripping as filters
through from accumulated snow is readily kept off by the ordinary
use of a common umbrella. The dampness of the pictures themselves
is easily seen to. Surely it is not too much to expect the attendant
to remove this, as occasion may require, from their surfaces with a
good serviceable kitchen house-mop ? I will yield to none, Sir, in
my devotion to these priceless treasures of National Art, and in
the regard I think that a jealous and appreciative Public should pay
to their legitimate guardianship and protection, and I am convinced
that here, with a good brick-wall behind them and a more or less
leaky glass and iron roof above them, they may be held, on the whole,
to be in excellent keeping. As to the talk of moving from their pre-
sent quarters to the West End,—this is preposterous. The humanising
and refining influence they have have had on the unemployed loafers
and the dregs of the river-side population, which form the majority
of visitors to them in their present habitation, must be seen to be
appreciated.
I do not write, Sir, as an enthusiast, but as one who trusts he
tempers a warm solicitude for the memory of the greatest men the
country has produced, with that sober common sense which should
be always available, and brought to bear on the handling of all ques-
tions of National importance. I am, Sir, your obedient servant,
A Commercial Road Mecasnas.
Sir,—May I ask how long this state of things is to last ? Here
am I, and my five daughters, all of us deeply interested in historical
research, that we can only prosecute satisfactorily by virtually living
surrounded by the portraits of the National Collection from morning
till night, absolutely paralysed, with our labours at a complete stand-
still, owing to our inability to face the hazards of a daily journey to
Bethnal Green. We attempted it once, but lost our way, and then
could find no first-class Hotel in the neighbourhood where they serve
a five-shilling luncheon at separate tables 1 Surely, Sir, Parliament,
or someone, will interfere, and come to the assistance of your
distressed Correspondent, A Famished Student.
Sir,'—I opine that the Government should bestir itself with a view
to taking some steps towards the more commodious housing of me
and my brother portraits, who, I may add, after taking counsel with
me, have unanimously expressed themselves in agreement with this
sentiment. I am informed that some one—surely an ill-conditioned
person F—has proposed that we should take up our temporary abode
in the Westminster Penitentiary at Millbank. I know not what fate
may be in store for us, but that we should be relegated to the chambers
recently tenanted by convicts seems to me to be a suggestion full of
vast inconvenience, from which a general sense of the fitness of
things should surely deliver us. In such a crisis, cannot the Arts
assist us P Surely my brothers of the Royal Academy might be
regarded and relied on as our natural and most proper helpers in
this our difficulty. Waiting to hear from them, I am, Sir, your
somewhat anxious and troubled shade, Joshua Reynolds.
Sir,—Let a short Bill be brought into the House, and let the
matter be settled forthwith. No great amount of money is required.
The site is the chief thing, but that surely can be found in one of
the new streets, or even on the Embankment. Isn’t there a fine
vacant place just South of Whitefriars F or is the site of the original
Opera House still available ? Anyhow a site can be found.
Meantime, let Parliament take the matter in hand, and put an end
to a palpably “ outright scandal.” At least so says,
Common Sense.
AT THE ACADEMY BANQUET.
H.R.H.’s speech was a model of brevity, and his allusion to the
late Frank Holl graceful and touching. Bishop Magee began
jocosely, but, feeling the eye of Cardinal Manning upon him, he
dropped into seriousness. Admiral Hood opened fire bravely on
“ So-called experts,” but sank to depths of dulness under the weight
of his own big guns. Salisbury’s Merry Markis stated that he
knew a party prepared to build a Home for the Houseless National
Portraits. The name of the party the Mysterious but Merry Markis
was not at liberty to divulge. It couldn’t be the Markis’s own
Party, as the offer came, evidently, from a thorough Liberal. Ere
this appears, the name will have transpired, but, at first, _ most
persons thought that it might be Walker. The only fault in the
President’s speeches was their perfection. His phrases were most
happy, and so were his audience.
YOl, XCVT. TJ
ON COMMISSION.
April 30, May 1, 2, and 3.—I may safely say that both Bench
and Bar are all the better for the Easter Recess. Mr. Justice Day,
whose exertions and successful exertions to keep awake during the
tedious proceedings, in which he takes so active a part, quite
warranted a period of recreation, has (I
Ap understand) found that period at East-
/C bourne, and my learned and laughter-
Szf.j’W leading friend Mr. Lockwood, who also
seemed, a little out of spirits, has got
jBwlli“quite a colour” by a short sojourn (I
Awl ' believe), at Folkestone. Even that vener-
fl'l / able mystery the wig of Sir Heady
mW/Mamm ; it A James, seems fresher than it-did a fort-
night ago. Monday was not very eventful.
^') Mr. Parnell was put in the box and
yjl j examined by my friend the future Lord
Chancellor Asquith. The chief item of
.. interest in the evidence was the witness’s
ihrf• dAf. pronunciation of his own name. We
now have it on the authority of the
1 i'H'bT - Home-Rule leader himself, that he should
In-wig-orating breeze at the be called “ Parnell”—the stress on the
Law Courts. first syllable—not on the second. The
“uncrowned king” gave his opinion anent the characters of several
of his colleagues, and had generally a fine time of it. A good
deal of latitude was certainly permitted in Mr. Parnell’s examina-
tion-in-chief ; but it is only just to say that he did not criticise, nor
seek to criticise, Miss Ellen Terry as Lady Macbeth, and was
equally reticent as to his ideas about the management of the London
General Omnibus Company (Limited).
On Wednesday the Court was crowded, and the Lord Chief
Justice occupied a place on the Bench. I noticed that the L. C. J.
was telling stories to his neighbours, and regretted that I had not
the advantage of hearing what I felt must be the most amusing and
kind-hearted of narratives. The examination-in-chief over, Mr.
Attorney took Mr. Parnell in hand. Of course, it would be
impossible for me at this stage of the proceedings to write anything
about the witness’s evidence qua evidence, but I may hint that he
once described what may have seemed to some in Court a discrepancy
by the words, “Electioneering exaggeration; ” and spoke of another
variation from the truth as “probably a piece of bounce.” Like
other witnesses in this extraordinary inquiry, Mr. Parnell does not
appear always to have a very good memory. His cross-examination
might be given in a dramatic form as follows; but I beg to say
that (of course) what I subjoin is not in the least like the real thing
—let that be clearly understood—not in the least.
Mr. Attorney-General. Now, Sir, I wish to read all your speeches
since 1879 out of Hansard.
The President (mildly remonstrating). Is this absolutely necessary F
Mr. A.-G. Of course, I pay the greatest respect to your Lordship’s
expression of opinion, but I fear it is necessary.
The President [with a deep sigh of resignation). Yery well.
Mr. A.-G. Now I will begin.
Sir Charles Russell. Date, please. [Mr. A.-G. resents interruption.
Mr. A.-G. [reads long speech). And now, Mr. Parnell, what do
you say to that ?
Witness. I have no recollection of making that speech. However,
if it is in Hansard, it is highly probable that I did make it.
Mr. A.-G. I beg your pardon, Mr. Parnell, but I must press
you for an answer. Did you, or did you not ?
Witness [earnestly). When the fair land of Erin is ploughed by
the hoof of the ruthless invader who threatens, when might-
Mr. A.-G. [interrupting). Yes, I know; but please keep to the
subject. Did you, or did you not, make those speeches ?
Witness [with emotion). The man who lays his hand upon a
woman, save in the way of kindness, is unworthy of-
Mr. A.-G, [testily). Yes, yes, Mr. Parnell, I know all that;
but please answer my question.
Sir Charles Bussell [with warmth). Really I must complain of my
learned friend’s mode of conducting the witness’s cross-examination.
Mr. A.-G. Really, Sir Charles, you must let me judge of my
own actions [with a glance at the Bench). I have done nothing re-
quiring, I trust, their Lordships’ interposition ?
The President [answering his appeal). Certainly not. [Seeing Sir
Charles about to speak.) But when I say that, I do not wish to
reflect upon either of you. You both are right—quite right—every-
body is right! Pray let us grease the wheels and get on!
And now, may I be 1 allowed to earnestly thank the correspondent
who _ dates from Hanwell, and says, that it is a thousand pities I am
not in the case myself. I am very grateful to him for his kind
reference to my abilities, but I must confess, I do not quite under-
stand the allusion to the Emperor of China eating pigeon-pies made
of pine-apples, with which his letter closes.
Pump-handle Court. [Signed) A. Briefless, Junior.
WHAT WILL THEY DO WITH THEM?
Sir,—What on earth does Sir John Millais mean by alluding to
the present provision for the housing of the Portraits of the National
Collection as a “ scandal outright! ” The phrase is a most misleading
one, for the shelter of the pictures in not only comfortably, but even
luxuriously, provided for. As to temperature the difference between
the extreme cold of the winter and the heat of the summer months
does not (I have measured it myself on my own self-registering ther-
mometer),—exceed eighty-five degrees, and such dripping as filters
through from accumulated snow is readily kept off by the ordinary
use of a common umbrella. The dampness of the pictures themselves
is easily seen to. Surely it is not too much to expect the attendant
to remove this, as occasion may require, from their surfaces with a
good serviceable kitchen house-mop ? I will yield to none, Sir, in
my devotion to these priceless treasures of National Art, and in
the regard I think that a jealous and appreciative Public should pay
to their legitimate guardianship and protection, and I am convinced
that here, with a good brick-wall behind them and a more or less
leaky glass and iron roof above them, they may be held, on the whole,
to be in excellent keeping. As to the talk of moving from their pre-
sent quarters to the West End,—this is preposterous. The humanising
and refining influence they have have had on the unemployed loafers
and the dregs of the river-side population, which form the majority
of visitors to them in their present habitation, must be seen to be
appreciated.
I do not write, Sir, as an enthusiast, but as one who trusts he
tempers a warm solicitude for the memory of the greatest men the
country has produced, with that sober common sense which should
be always available, and brought to bear on the handling of all ques-
tions of National importance. I am, Sir, your obedient servant,
A Commercial Road Mecasnas.
Sir,—May I ask how long this state of things is to last ? Here
am I, and my five daughters, all of us deeply interested in historical
research, that we can only prosecute satisfactorily by virtually living
surrounded by the portraits of the National Collection from morning
till night, absolutely paralysed, with our labours at a complete stand-
still, owing to our inability to face the hazards of a daily journey to
Bethnal Green. We attempted it once, but lost our way, and then
could find no first-class Hotel in the neighbourhood where they serve
a five-shilling luncheon at separate tables 1 Surely, Sir, Parliament,
or someone, will interfere, and come to the assistance of your
distressed Correspondent, A Famished Student.
Sir,'—I opine that the Government should bestir itself with a view
to taking some steps towards the more commodious housing of me
and my brother portraits, who, I may add, after taking counsel with
me, have unanimously expressed themselves in agreement with this
sentiment. I am informed that some one—surely an ill-conditioned
person F—has proposed that we should take up our temporary abode
in the Westminster Penitentiary at Millbank. I know not what fate
may be in store for us, but that we should be relegated to the chambers
recently tenanted by convicts seems to me to be a suggestion full of
vast inconvenience, from which a general sense of the fitness of
things should surely deliver us. In such a crisis, cannot the Arts
assist us P Surely my brothers of the Royal Academy might be
regarded and relied on as our natural and most proper helpers in
this our difficulty. Waiting to hear from them, I am, Sir, your
somewhat anxious and troubled shade, Joshua Reynolds.
Sir,—Let a short Bill be brought into the House, and let the
matter be settled forthwith. No great amount of money is required.
The site is the chief thing, but that surely can be found in one of
the new streets, or even on the Embankment. Isn’t there a fine
vacant place just South of Whitefriars F or is the site of the original
Opera House still available ? Anyhow a site can be found.
Meantime, let Parliament take the matter in hand, and put an end
to a palpably “ outright scandal.” At least so says,
Common Sense.
AT THE ACADEMY BANQUET.
H.R.H.’s speech was a model of brevity, and his allusion to the
late Frank Holl graceful and touching. Bishop Magee began
jocosely, but, feeling the eye of Cardinal Manning upon him, he
dropped into seriousness. Admiral Hood opened fire bravely on
“ So-called experts,” but sank to depths of dulness under the weight
of his own big guns. Salisbury’s Merry Markis stated that he
knew a party prepared to build a Home for the Houseless National
Portraits. The name of the party the Mysterious but Merry Markis
was not at liberty to divulge. It couldn’t be the Markis’s own
Party, as the offer came, evidently, from a thorough Liberal. Ere
this appears, the name will have transpired, but, at first, _ most
persons thought that it might be Walker. The only fault in the
President’s speeches was their perfection. His phrases were most
happy, and so were his audience.
YOl, XCVT. TJ