Punch (96.1889)

168

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

[April 6, 1889.

full well bill will never be paid ; then retire to some remote alley ;
commit suicide. A week later, sometimes next morning, unde-
terred by former experience, do it all over again. b>ne. round
of infamy,” sighs Samuel; “a wasted life. Determined to
J ’ put a stop to it;

came down to-
day with ques-
tion, addressed to
Fergusson, ask-
ing what Her
Majesty’s Go-
vernment are
goi ng to do with
respect to this
scandal? _ Fer-
gusson intimates,
in diplomatic
pnrase, that, on
the whole, Her
Majesty’s Go-
vernment are
going to do no-
thing ; are, in-
deed, not quite
sure whether all
the stories about
Monte Carlo that
come from Nice
are true. Gran-
doeph, not long
back from Monte
Carlo, winks
across at Hart-
ington, who tries
to look as if he
had never been
there. Old Mo

1 Think'I ’ll run'over to Monte Carlo ! ”

radixr, who got through a visit to Monte Carlo quite safely, finds
opportunity, later, of meeting Samuel behind Speaker’s chair.

“Know you spoke with best intentions,” he said, “ but are you
quite sure of your facts ? Ever been to Monte Carlo ? Place to spend
a happy day m, I can tell you. Most interesting proceedings in Ca-
sino. Not that I ever played, of course. Left that for Grandolph and
Hartington. But I looked on, and saw a thing or two. Nothing in
the world so easy as to make pot of money. Great secret is get it on
and leave it on ; make a thousand pounds in a thousand minutes.”

; ‘ Ah ! ” said Samuel, growing interested, ‘ ‘ but how do you do it ? ”
“That’s it,” said Old Morality. “Nothing easier when you
know it, but, as they say in choirs and places where they sing,
you’ve got to know it fust. Now look here.” (Samuel “ looks
here ” ; on hack of copy of Orders where Old Morality ragndly
traces diagram.) ‘ ‘ Every beam of light is composed of three coloured

rays, blue, yellow, and red. As the beam passes through the atmos-
phere A, these are separated from each other, the blue being drawn
most down, the yellow next, and the red least. As the earth with
its clouds and atmosphere turns round the pole P. in the direction
A.C.D., any given cloud would pass first under the blue rays at B.,
then the yellow rays at Y., and then the red rays at R. ; and, be
tinged by their respective colours. An observer, placed at E., just
as he was turning into darkness towards C., would see the clouds
tinged red at R., resting upon the western horizon. You follow me ?
Well it’s just the same with the tables. No need to shoot yourself,
or anyone else.”

Samuel walks away, pondering over these things. “Very
curious,” he says; “Old Morality not flighty kind of man
Intense air of respectability about him. A thousand pounds in a
thousand minutes ! What a lot of good one could do with it. Won-
der if Grandolph and Hartington would join syndicate to try Old
Morality’s plan? Let me see: ‘As the earth with its clouds and
atmosphere turns round the pole P.’ ; exactly. That seems indis
putable. Think I ’ll run over to Monte Carlo, and see with my own
eyes how things are.” Busmess done.—Committee of Supply.

Thrirsday.—Government very nearly defeated to-night. All about
Constitution Hill. Those two desperate Revolutionists, Novar, and
the Grand Young _ Gardner, determined to make stand against
exclusiveness of this thoroughfare. Runs nearly parallel between
two of busiest thoroughfares of. Metropolis. A short cut from the
teeming East by Charing Cross to the fertile West. Fine broad,
tree-planted Avenue. Yet, whilst Piccadilly is blocked, Constitution
Hill left undisturbed for the solitary horseman or the occasional
brougham. Early_ in week Grand Young Gardner scribbling
message, written with his own blood, on back of envelope, summoned
Novar to midnight meeting. Novar arrived armed with Claymore ;
swore solemn oath they would free Constitution Hill, or die. Come
down to-night prepared for worst. Novar led off attack. Moved to
reduce Yote for Parks and Pleasure Gardens with reference to Con-

stitution Hill. “It’s restriction,” said Novar, “ an absurdity, and
a relic of the past.”

Grand Young Gardner backed him up ; Committee deeply moved ;
Shaw Leeevre, momentarily forgetting
absorbing attraction of his new Dead
House, flung himself into fray. Sage
oe Queen Anne’s Gate much cheered
by this movement on part of younger
generation. Amid enthusiastic cheers
Cavendish Bentinck declared against
Constitution Hill. Even De Lisle,
putting both feet down, was for open-
ing the thoroughfare. Plunket stood
by the Constitution and the Hill, but
was visibly alarmed. House cleared
for Division; figures read out amid
breathless excitement. For keeping
thoroughfare closed, 80; for opening it,

78. Ministerial majority reduced to
Two!

The two conspirators shook hands.

Novar overcome with emotion. Grand
Young Gardner still capable of articu-
lation.

‘Let us,” he said, “ devote our lives
to this great object. Let us swear a
great oath that till Constitution Hill is
open to the people we will neither shave
nor have our hair cut. Swear! ”

“Dammy! ” said Novar.

Business done.—The shackles shaken
on Constitution Hill.

Friday Night.—This is John Bright1__

every part, all drawn to do honour to the great Englishman. None
so rich or so great as not to do him reverence. Old Morality
speaks first in tones of homely eloquence, well suited to occasion,
Then Gladstone rises on highest pinions of matchless eloquence,
extolling the dead orator and “his splendid eloquence, the loftiest
that has sounded within the walls of the House of Commons within
the present generation.” Hartington lamented the departure of
one who had been to him, in peculiar degree, guide, philosopher, and
friend. Justice McCarthy, as the envoy of Ireland, brought her
mourning wreath to lay on the tomb • and Chamberlain mourned
“the Member for Birmingham.” All admirably done, displaying
the House of Commons in one of its worthiest moods, and loftiest
moments. Business done.—Lament for John Bright.

“ Putting both’Feet down.”
Day. House crowded in

SHOULDER TO SHOULDER, AND HEART TO ART.

On Monday, the 25th of March, the Prince and Princess of Wales
opened the new Drill Hall of that gallant body of citizen soldiers,
the 20th Middlesex (Artists) Rifle Volunteers. The ceremony was

a pretty one, especially that part
of it wherein (to quote the pro-
gramme) ‘ ‘ The Princess of
Wales and her daughters were
presented with bouquets,” &c. Of
the entertainments, it maybe said
that a glimpse of their Royal
Highnesses proved a most at-
tractive item. However, there
were other features, to wit, songs
by Lieutenant Maybrick (Artists
R.Y.), in full uniform, and
Mr. Edward Lloyd ; and recita-
tions by Private Brandon Tho-
mas and Mr. Lionel Brough,
, ,, , . , unattached. Madame Antoin-

Thomas and Maybrick. ette Stirling sang, and so did

Mr. Charles Collette (late Lieutenant 3rd Dragoon Guards). The
card of invitation was embellishedwith a clever sketch by Mr. Horsley,
and the Drill Hall itself suggested a happy compromise between St.
Paul’s Cathedral and the London Terminus of the Midland Railway. A
paper handed to the Press contained, amongst other valuable informa-
tion, the facts that the hon. architect was the Colonel of the Regiment
Commanding, and a Fellow of the Society of Antiquaries ; that
Messrs. &c., &c., were responsible for the plumbers’ work, and that
the wrought-iron gas-fittings, “from the architect’s design.” had
been made by Messrs. &c., &c. Hon. Colonel Sir Frederick Leigh-
ton, Bart, P.R.A., was present in mufti, and a reference made in
the speech of the Prince of Wales to the advance of the corps in
prosperity during that gallant and accomplished officer’s period of
command, was received with well-merited enthusiasm. This was as
it should be. Honour to whom honour is due: and may the Artistic
Volunteers long live and prosper !

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