Punch: Punch (96.1889)

February 2, 1889.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

59

The dread Fiend of Fire
In his grasp did expire,

Labour’s earnings no longer land-shark ate—land-shark ate ;
He was up to trade tricks,

And like millions of bricks
He came down upon Mud Salad Market—lad Market.

Then Winter no more,

As so often before,

Could the Town under cold Arctic snows bury—snowsbury,
For Bumble the dense
Had perforce to 11 y hence,

And the new City broom was smart Rosebery—Rosebery.
Slum-farmers felt sore,

For at Housing the Poor

Lubbock laboured from Shad well to Brompton—to Brompton ;
And Water and Gas
Found Monopoly pass

At the challenge of Firth and Lord Compton—Lord Compton.
The Councillor saw,

With a rapturous awe,

Stern Law big Trade Trusts close it jaws on—its jaws on.

And—oh, what a larks !—

Open Spaces and Parks

Grew rapidly, nursed by young Lawson—young Lawson.
The dingy East End
Grew a beautiful blend

Of Sweetness and Light, not a Hades—a Hades.

Woman’s world, a sad land erst,

From good Lady Sandhurst
Learned what sweet reformers are ladies—are ladies.

A wonderful dream!

Rather mixed it may seem,

And to cynics a bit optimistic—’timistic.

’Tis early at least,

Just set down to the feast,

Of the viands to be eulogistic—’logistic.

But London as well
Has her dream. Who shall tell
If she ’ll wake to fulfil or regret it—regret it ?

But all wise men and true
See the boon she’s in view,

And most earnestly hope she may get it—may get it!

SERVICE FOR VETERANS.

Rather! Here’s a chance for some of ’em! See this ad-
vertisement in the Daily News of Thursday last ?—

TWO GENERALS. One for cooking, one for housemaid’s work. Small
quiet family. Age 20 to 25. Wages £14 to £16.

Fancy Lord Wolseley and Sir Evelyn Wood applying for
the places! Lord “ Garnish” Wolseley would be his name as
cook, while “Evelyn” would be charming for a housemaid.
It’s too pretty. But, of course, there must be a number of
unemployed Generals who would be only too delighted to serve,
if the wages of the service were just a trifie higher. And now
that women are taking so much work that used to be done by
men only, it is right that our middle-aged warriors en retraite
should have a chance, as members of “ the Household Brigade,”
in small quiet families. But we doubt whether any Generals are
to be found as young as from “20 to 25.” This, perhaps, is a
misprint for “40 to 55.” Army prospects are good. If “Lady
Guides”—bless ’em!—are to be substituted for Commission-
naires, then, by all means, let us have ‘ ‘ old soldiers ” as cooks and
housemaids. Uncle Toby and. Corporal Trim might possibly be
of our opinion. __

PHELPS’S FAREWELL.

At the Munching House. Great Representative Gathering
last Thursday at Lord Mayor’s Farewell Banquet to Mr. Phelps.
Pretty speech by Lord Mayor Torpedo with neat quotation.
Telling epigram by Mr. Phelps, “A man who never makes a
mistake will never make anything.” Mr. Phelps must have
made plenty of mistakes, or he never would have made this epi-
gram ; for this is an epigram and no mistake ! A really pathetic
and graceful good-bye. Lord Rosebery seemed to have had his
usual joyousness taken out of him bv his elevation to the dignity
of County Councillor, and was absolutely dull in proposing the
health of Her Majesty’s Judges and Bar of England. Lord Cole-
ridge in returning thanks was in excellent vein. Nothing in his
speech became him like thefinishing of it. Sir Frederick, P.R. A.,
admirable as usual, and Mr. Lecky replying for literature was
“lengthened sweetness long drawn out.” Quite a serious
LECKY-ture. Altogether a memorable occasion. Specially so

ARCHITECTURE OF THE FUTURE.

The Architect. “It’s a splendid quality of Stone I ’ve employed
for your House—lasts for ever, and grows a beautiful Colour
with age. Of course it’s hideous when it’s new.”

The Squire. “And how long will it be before it grows a
beautiful Colour ? ”

The Architect. “Well, you can hardly expect it to look decent
in your Lifetime !”

because the dinner-hour was at the sensible time of 7 for 7'30, and we
didn’t sit down till nearly 8, an innovation which we trust will find
plenty of imitators in the City. Next Lord Mayor, Sir Henry Isaacs,
please copy. Nowadays “ 6 for half-past” is barbarous.

HARMONIOUS PROCEEDINGS.

Mr. Carl Armbruster is giving Matinees of Wagner’s Tristan und
Isolde, this week. The last one is announced for February 4. This
last date will clash with the first Matinee of Pickwick, at the Comedy
Theatre—the dramatic Cantata composed by Edward Solomon. Rather
hard on poor Wagner this.

Madame Nordica looked charming, and was in splendid voice at St.
James’s Hall last Wednesday. Lloyd, too, was dellovdful! And, as
Mrs. Ram said afterwards, “Mr. Eggshell was received with rapturous
applause.” Evidently “Mr. Henschel.” Dr. Mackenzie (not Morrf.l,
but A. C.) conducted. His Dream of Jubal is announced for February 26,
first time in London. The dance-music occurs in a scene supposed to be a
Ju-bal Masque, where the orchestra consists entirely of Jew’s-harps, a very
fine effect. Another “first time in London,” is The Light of Asia, composed
by Dudley Buck,—quite an organ swell!—and it is hoped that Sir Edwin
Arnold will take a leading part in the solos. Sir Edwin has never done
anything of the sort before, and therefore this will be one of “ Arnold’s
first exercises.” The dramatic Cantata, to be produced at a Matinee at the
Comedy Theatre, Feb. 4, entitled Pickwick, Has nothing to do with 1 he
Light of Asia; quite another “ wick,” though the music is by Solomon.

Theatrical Intelligence.—It is understood that a sequel to Paul
Jones is in preparation. It is entitled Peter Robinson.