DOI Heft:
March 16, 1889
DOI Seite / Zitierlink:https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17687#0136
126
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
[March 16, 1889.
KINDLY MEANT.
Scene—A Dance at the Portman Dooms (late Madame Tussaud’s).
Ingenuous Masher [to Ancient Chaperons). 11 Aw—I say—awfully draughty here, don’tcherknow. Won’t you go and sit in
the ‘ Chamber of Horrors ’ ?—they ’ye got a Stove, and you ’ll feel so much more at home there, don’tcherknow ! ”
A WHITEHALL CANTATA.
Argument.—The Wizard of the Admiralty
attacked in his Official Mystic Domains by Mal-
content Spirits of the Opposition, defends his pro-
gramme, and ultimately, spite the intervention of
the Melancholy Demon of Peace-at-Any-Price,
carries it through triumphantly amidst the accla-
mations of his supporters.
Chorus of Malcontents.
We wait here in our silent watch of wonder,
Mark everything yon leave undone or do,
Keen to exult o’er every slip and blunder
That indirectly may be traced to you.
We care not for your facts, nor what your
case is,
The whoLe may he well drowned in party din,
Provided it supplies us with a basis
Of ousting you,—and getting ourselves “in.”
So mark us. If you prove to demonstration
The Navy for its work is all too weak,
And that the very safety of the Nation
Hangs on your getting the increase you seek :
If you prove this, and count on our assistance,
You ’ll find that you ’ll be disappointed quite,
Por what you say is black, with much per-
sistence
We ’re perfectly prepared to swear is white.
And this we ’ll do with will right true and
hearty,
For as a Politician you must know
That when the question’s simply one of
Party, [way go.
The “Country” to the dogs may straight-
So here we keep our silent watch of wonder,
Mark everything you do or leave undone,
And mean to trip you up. You ’re safe to
blunder,
And if we oust you, then begins the fun.
But as for danger threatening the Nation,—
That possibly may he, or not, the case:
But anyhow it means to us Salvation.
If it, ’mid chaos, brings us into “ place ! ”
The Admiralty Wizard.
What venomed streams on Office seem'to pour
From these malignant Opposition shelves !
And yet, such sentiments I’ve heard before !
When “ out,” we’ve given vent to them our-
selves.
But as my wish at present’s to keep “in,”
I ’ll with my spirited demand begin,
And boldly public agitation meet
By asking means to build a brand-new fleet!
Chorus of Alarmists.
Ask what you will! For untold millions call.
We’re dazed with terror, andwe grant you all!
[ They are about to kneel to him, when The
Melancholy Demon of Peace-at-Any-Price
slowly rises fro?n the depths of an official
ivastepaper - basket. The Malcontents
crowd, about him, and greet him with
manifestations of welcome.
The Melancholy Demon of Peace-at-
Any-Price.
Hot so ! Already far too much you spend!
Why fancy every foreign Power your foe ?
In every neighbour you should see a friend,
And at no outrage e’er resentment show.
Should war break out by chance, amid the
scare [prepare.
’Twould be quite time your programme to
A Half-Pay Admiral (confuoco).
Great Heav’n! Must I such rubbish sit and
hear!
\ Addressing The Wizard of the Admiralty.
We ’ll listen, please, to what you ’ ve got to say.
The Wizard of the Admiralty
I think that I can make my purpose clear.
Shall I begin ?
Chorus.
By all means. Fire away !
SONG.
The Wizard of the Admiralty.!
With reproaches too long I’ve been loaded
That the Navy’s deficient and weak ;
Till, by experts and Admirals goaded,
At length I’ve determined to speak.
It appears that, if we were invaded,
We should have no first line of defence
And, of this as you all seem persuaded,
You will not mind a little expense!—
And Twenty-one Millions is all that I ask,
With which to accomplish this National task.
Don’t imagine the matter I’m hot on,
Though I badger you here for a Fleet :
It’s the experts who’ve put the whole pot on,
And have left me no means of retreat.
So I’ve bid the Departments get ready.
If the F. 0. meantime makes no slips,
In five years, should things keep pretty
steady,
You’ll possess your new “ seventy ships,”
So give me the Twenty-one Millions I ask,
And I ’ll soon accomplish the National task !
PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
[March 16, 1889.
KINDLY MEANT.
Scene—A Dance at the Portman Dooms (late Madame Tussaud’s).
Ingenuous Masher [to Ancient Chaperons). 11 Aw—I say—awfully draughty here, don’tcherknow. Won’t you go and sit in
the ‘ Chamber of Horrors ’ ?—they ’ye got a Stove, and you ’ll feel so much more at home there, don’tcherknow ! ”
A WHITEHALL CANTATA.
Argument.—The Wizard of the Admiralty
attacked in his Official Mystic Domains by Mal-
content Spirits of the Opposition, defends his pro-
gramme, and ultimately, spite the intervention of
the Melancholy Demon of Peace-at-Any-Price,
carries it through triumphantly amidst the accla-
mations of his supporters.
Chorus of Malcontents.
We wait here in our silent watch of wonder,
Mark everything yon leave undone or do,
Keen to exult o’er every slip and blunder
That indirectly may be traced to you.
We care not for your facts, nor what your
case is,
The whoLe may he well drowned in party din,
Provided it supplies us with a basis
Of ousting you,—and getting ourselves “in.”
So mark us. If you prove to demonstration
The Navy for its work is all too weak,
And that the very safety of the Nation
Hangs on your getting the increase you seek :
If you prove this, and count on our assistance,
You ’ll find that you ’ll be disappointed quite,
Por what you say is black, with much per-
sistence
We ’re perfectly prepared to swear is white.
And this we ’ll do with will right true and
hearty,
For as a Politician you must know
That when the question’s simply one of
Party, [way go.
The “Country” to the dogs may straight-
So here we keep our silent watch of wonder,
Mark everything you do or leave undone,
And mean to trip you up. You ’re safe to
blunder,
And if we oust you, then begins the fun.
But as for danger threatening the Nation,—
That possibly may he, or not, the case:
But anyhow it means to us Salvation.
If it, ’mid chaos, brings us into “ place ! ”
The Admiralty Wizard.
What venomed streams on Office seem'to pour
From these malignant Opposition shelves !
And yet, such sentiments I’ve heard before !
When “ out,” we’ve given vent to them our-
selves.
But as my wish at present’s to keep “in,”
I ’ll with my spirited demand begin,
And boldly public agitation meet
By asking means to build a brand-new fleet!
Chorus of Alarmists.
Ask what you will! For untold millions call.
We’re dazed with terror, andwe grant you all!
[ They are about to kneel to him, when The
Melancholy Demon of Peace-at-Any-Price
slowly rises fro?n the depths of an official
ivastepaper - basket. The Malcontents
crowd, about him, and greet him with
manifestations of welcome.
The Melancholy Demon of Peace-at-
Any-Price.
Hot so ! Already far too much you spend!
Why fancy every foreign Power your foe ?
In every neighbour you should see a friend,
And at no outrage e’er resentment show.
Should war break out by chance, amid the
scare [prepare.
’Twould be quite time your programme to
A Half-Pay Admiral (confuoco).
Great Heav’n! Must I such rubbish sit and
hear!
\ Addressing The Wizard of the Admiralty.
We ’ll listen, please, to what you ’ ve got to say.
The Wizard of the Admiralty
I think that I can make my purpose clear.
Shall I begin ?
Chorus.
By all means. Fire away !
SONG.
The Wizard of the Admiralty.!
With reproaches too long I’ve been loaded
That the Navy’s deficient and weak ;
Till, by experts and Admirals goaded,
At length I’ve determined to speak.
It appears that, if we were invaded,
We should have no first line of defence
And, of this as you all seem persuaded,
You will not mind a little expense!—
And Twenty-one Millions is all that I ask,
With which to accomplish this National task.
Don’t imagine the matter I’m hot on,
Though I badger you here for a Fleet :
It’s the experts who’ve put the whole pot on,
And have left me no means of retreat.
So I’ve bid the Departments get ready.
If the F. 0. meantime makes no slips,
In five years, should things keep pretty
steady,
You’ll possess your new “ seventy ships,”
So give me the Twenty-one Millions I ask,
And I ’ll soon accomplish the National task !