DOI Heft:
March 30, 1889
DOI Seite / Zitierlink: https://doi.org/10.11588/diglit.17687#0166
156 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [March 30, 1889.
resembling each other, inasmuch as no progress made with Supply,
Jennings’s gentle heart was touched. Postponed Amendment, and
saved up speech. Has got hold of a capital subject, and deserves
encouragement. Shall back him up myself on parallel lines. Mean
to take up the subject of the Pmt Catcher. Just handed in Notice of
Motion, which will appear on paper to-morrow.
“Toby, M.P. To reduce the Yote for the Royal Palaces by the
sum of £18, being the salary and emoluments of the Rat Catchers at
the Royal Palaces of Buckingham and Windsor.”
Buckingham Palace man has £8 a year and residence; Windsor
Castle dignitary runs up to £10. These sums paid year after year
during present reign. Shall move for Return, going back to 1837,
showing how many rats have been caught per annum per Palace.
Not quite the breed for the business myself, but I know a friend
who occasionally indulges in the rat business, and who_ would, if he
could be induced to devote his attention to the affair for twelve
months, not leave a rodent on the premises. Why should British
taxpayer, in addition to other burdens, pay £18 a year for rat-
catchers, when there are thousands of unemployed dogs starving in
our streets ? No desire to set class against class, but here is inde-
fensible incursion upon the rights of a not unimportant portion of
the community.
[These are quotations from my speech ; look a little bald, perhaps,
as they stand, but shall work them up. Believe Harcourt’s very
best impromptus don’t look any better at first.]
Morning Sitting; spent it in discussing whether and when we
we shall take Yote on Account. Old Morality wants it on at
once, and done with. Opposition burning with desire to discuss it;
but, before they begin, want to know when they will be expected to
finish ? On this, talk for four hours. Harcourt takes full share,
in spite of engagement at Lambeth Baths to-night to deliver set
oration. Meet him going out; condole with him; tell him his
health too precious to the country to be trifled with. He says
“ Yes,’’.but doesn’t mind sacrificing himself for public weal.
“ Besides, dear boy,” he whispers in my ear, “ it suits me exactly.
Should like every day to make a speech or two in Commons, and
address at night public meeting; say there all the things I cannot
say in House. Don’t you see ? ” Business done.-—Hardly any.
Thursday.—Occasionally words pass between Irish Members and
Balfour. They boo him; he intimates state of feeling with respect
to them, not altogether inspired by respect. But these only little
affectations, of manner. Deep underneath runs stream of affection
binding Chief Secretary and Irish Members. They cannot bear him
out of their sight ■ grudge every moment that parts them. To-
night Balfour a little late in taking seat. Irish Members looked
on vacant place with yearning eyes. Tim Healy, not usually
regarded as emotionable man, after long wrestling, breaks down.
Cried aloud in broken voice for Balfour, and would not be com-
forted. Had question on paper addressed to him ; declined to put
it to anyone else. Other Irish Members, who had hitherto dissembled
their love, blurted it all out when Tim gave way. In vain Solicitor-
General for Ireland proffered his services. Wouldn’t have him.
Balfour, only Balfour !
“Send for him,” said Old Morality,
himself not free from emotion. “There’s
something good in these Irish Members,
after all. No one, to see them baiting Bal-
four, would imagine true state of their
feelings. But man is a compound organism ;
here to- day, and gone to-morrow. Indeed
nothing is quite as it seems. Have heat
and cold any effect on the barometer ? Cer-
tainly not of themselves ; but as cold
weather is generally dry,
or accompanied with north-
east winds, therefore the
mercury rises in cold
weather ; And as warm
weather is generally moist,
and accompanied by south-
west winds, therefore the
mercury sinks in warm
weather. So it is with
the IrishMembers. ‘ Manfs
inhumanity to man makes
countless thousands
mourn.’ ”
Scarcely a dry eye in
assembly, when, a little
. . ,, . TTlater, Balfour entered.
An Authority, Y.C. _ Parnellites almost leaped
at him; cheered vociferously. Immediately after began banging
him about the head, pinching him, pulling his hair, and otherwise
maltreating him. But that’s their way.
“ They’re like women,” says Eraser, Y.C., an authority on the
subject; “ petulant, puling, but passionately devoted. Scratch your
face in the morning, and hang round your neck as the dusk of
evening deepens.”
Business done.—Charges and allegations against Government.
Friday.—A long and lively night. At-
torney-General accommodated with seat
in the dock. Harcourt pluming himself
on reminiscences of occasional practice at
the Bar, assumes character of prosecuting
counsel. Couldn’t put on wig and gown ;
made up for omission by assuming his most
funereal manner. Draped himself in woe,
as it were ; spoke with stifling tears in
his voice. More than ever like Uncle
Pumblechook. If Attorney - General
had been Tip, and news had just come
that, after all, his fortune was illusory,
Uncle-Pumblechook-TLARCOVRT could not
have been more severely self-righteous,
more deeply pained (for Pip), more ex-
cruciatingly humiliated (for Pip), or more
supremely gratified (for Pip's sake), with
his own immensity of perfection. Looking
on, one almost expected to see him stretch
out hand across table and rumple Webster’s
hair the wrong way, as Uncle Pumble-
chook used to rumple Pip's. But the
table too broad ; so contented himself with
making suitable gesture indicating what
he would have done if he could only have
reached the culprit. Storm rose high whilst
Attorney-General was speaking. One
time J. E. X. O’Brien fixed upon by
Courtney, and ordered, out for instant
execution. Swore an alibi and just got off.
“ Remarkably lucky man, O’Brien,” said Henry Bruce, ‘
being sentenced to something or other, and getting off
moment.”
Business done.—Yote on Account passed.
The Bruce.
‘ always
at last
I AM old King Coal
(That jolly old soul),
Philanthropic, and pious,
proper ;
A patriot King,
Not the boss of a'Ring,
And I have no connection with
Copper.
I am grieved to declare
There are lies in the air ;
And I hear of most scandalous
rumours
That I, (who am just,)
Am proj ecting a Trust,
Which will dreadfully damage
Consumers.
Oh, thundering shame,
King Coal to defame !
My honour, of course, I must vin-
dicate.
A Corner in Coal ?
No ! I hold, on my soul,
That the worst form of sin is a
Syndicate.
I merely intend
(As a general friend)
To form a benign “ combination,”
To—buy up the mines,
On such liberal lines
As to help every class in the
nation.
Landlords to assist,
And the Capitalist;
I desire of no class to be spoiler.
But oh ! the chief aim
Of King Coal’s little game
to help the poor subterrene
toiler.
I’m trying to please
Coal-owners, Lessees,
Also Workmen, Consumers—the
fact is,
My theory is
That good will is good biz,
And I want to reduce it to prac-
tice.
It’s really sublime,—-
(Or it will be in time)
Eor I think you’ll admit it’s a
rarity—
To find a “ Big Boom”
In whose breast there’s no
room [Charity.
For aught save the Spirit of
Pure Love may find fault
With Copper or Salt,
But Coal’s a warm-hearted old
codger;
He never would hurt you,
He’s chock-full of virtue,
And hates the Monopolist dodger.
So let us all join
To buy up (not purloin)
The Coal-mines in Capital’s tether.
We soon shall be found
Most fraternally bound,
And—we ’ll all make our fortunes
together!
KING COAL’S DEFENCE.
and Is
“ Hands All Round.”
Hamilton’s scheme scarce satisfies Lord Charlie,
Lord Random seems, of course,_ a trifle snarly.
Well, here’s a Naval Toast which can't be wrong :
“ Strength to the Fleet, and Fleetness to the Strong! ’
(Cr* NOTICE.—Rejected Communications or Contributions, whether MS,, Printed Matter, Drawings, or Pictures of any description, will
in no case be returned, not even when accompanied by a Stamped and Addressed Envelope, Cover, or Wrapper. To thi3 rule
there will he no exception.
resembling each other, inasmuch as no progress made with Supply,
Jennings’s gentle heart was touched. Postponed Amendment, and
saved up speech. Has got hold of a capital subject, and deserves
encouragement. Shall back him up myself on parallel lines. Mean
to take up the subject of the Pmt Catcher. Just handed in Notice of
Motion, which will appear on paper to-morrow.
“Toby, M.P. To reduce the Yote for the Royal Palaces by the
sum of £18, being the salary and emoluments of the Rat Catchers at
the Royal Palaces of Buckingham and Windsor.”
Buckingham Palace man has £8 a year and residence; Windsor
Castle dignitary runs up to £10. These sums paid year after year
during present reign. Shall move for Return, going back to 1837,
showing how many rats have been caught per annum per Palace.
Not quite the breed for the business myself, but I know a friend
who occasionally indulges in the rat business, and who_ would, if he
could be induced to devote his attention to the affair for twelve
months, not leave a rodent on the premises. Why should British
taxpayer, in addition to other burdens, pay £18 a year for rat-
catchers, when there are thousands of unemployed dogs starving in
our streets ? No desire to set class against class, but here is inde-
fensible incursion upon the rights of a not unimportant portion of
the community.
[These are quotations from my speech ; look a little bald, perhaps,
as they stand, but shall work them up. Believe Harcourt’s very
best impromptus don’t look any better at first.]
Morning Sitting; spent it in discussing whether and when we
we shall take Yote on Account. Old Morality wants it on at
once, and done with. Opposition burning with desire to discuss it;
but, before they begin, want to know when they will be expected to
finish ? On this, talk for four hours. Harcourt takes full share,
in spite of engagement at Lambeth Baths to-night to deliver set
oration. Meet him going out; condole with him; tell him his
health too precious to the country to be trifled with. He says
“ Yes,’’.but doesn’t mind sacrificing himself for public weal.
“ Besides, dear boy,” he whispers in my ear, “ it suits me exactly.
Should like every day to make a speech or two in Commons, and
address at night public meeting; say there all the things I cannot
say in House. Don’t you see ? ” Business done.-—Hardly any.
Thursday.—Occasionally words pass between Irish Members and
Balfour. They boo him; he intimates state of feeling with respect
to them, not altogether inspired by respect. But these only little
affectations, of manner. Deep underneath runs stream of affection
binding Chief Secretary and Irish Members. They cannot bear him
out of their sight ■ grudge every moment that parts them. To-
night Balfour a little late in taking seat. Irish Members looked
on vacant place with yearning eyes. Tim Healy, not usually
regarded as emotionable man, after long wrestling, breaks down.
Cried aloud in broken voice for Balfour, and would not be com-
forted. Had question on paper addressed to him ; declined to put
it to anyone else. Other Irish Members, who had hitherto dissembled
their love, blurted it all out when Tim gave way. In vain Solicitor-
General for Ireland proffered his services. Wouldn’t have him.
Balfour, only Balfour !
“Send for him,” said Old Morality,
himself not free from emotion. “There’s
something good in these Irish Members,
after all. No one, to see them baiting Bal-
four, would imagine true state of their
feelings. But man is a compound organism ;
here to- day, and gone to-morrow. Indeed
nothing is quite as it seems. Have heat
and cold any effect on the barometer ? Cer-
tainly not of themselves ; but as cold
weather is generally dry,
or accompanied with north-
east winds, therefore the
mercury rises in cold
weather ; And as warm
weather is generally moist,
and accompanied by south-
west winds, therefore the
mercury sinks in warm
weather. So it is with
the IrishMembers. ‘ Manfs
inhumanity to man makes
countless thousands
mourn.’ ”
Scarcely a dry eye in
assembly, when, a little
. . ,, . TTlater, Balfour entered.
An Authority, Y.C. _ Parnellites almost leaped
at him; cheered vociferously. Immediately after began banging
him about the head, pinching him, pulling his hair, and otherwise
maltreating him. But that’s their way.
“ They’re like women,” says Eraser, Y.C., an authority on the
subject; “ petulant, puling, but passionately devoted. Scratch your
face in the morning, and hang round your neck as the dusk of
evening deepens.”
Business done.—Charges and allegations against Government.
Friday.—A long and lively night. At-
torney-General accommodated with seat
in the dock. Harcourt pluming himself
on reminiscences of occasional practice at
the Bar, assumes character of prosecuting
counsel. Couldn’t put on wig and gown ;
made up for omission by assuming his most
funereal manner. Draped himself in woe,
as it were ; spoke with stifling tears in
his voice. More than ever like Uncle
Pumblechook. If Attorney - General
had been Tip, and news had just come
that, after all, his fortune was illusory,
Uncle-Pumblechook-TLARCOVRT could not
have been more severely self-righteous,
more deeply pained (for Pip), more ex-
cruciatingly humiliated (for Pip), or more
supremely gratified (for Pip's sake), with
his own immensity of perfection. Looking
on, one almost expected to see him stretch
out hand across table and rumple Webster’s
hair the wrong way, as Uncle Pumble-
chook used to rumple Pip's. But the
table too broad ; so contented himself with
making suitable gesture indicating what
he would have done if he could only have
reached the culprit. Storm rose high whilst
Attorney-General was speaking. One
time J. E. X. O’Brien fixed upon by
Courtney, and ordered, out for instant
execution. Swore an alibi and just got off.
“ Remarkably lucky man, O’Brien,” said Henry Bruce, ‘
being sentenced to something or other, and getting off
moment.”
Business done.—Yote on Account passed.
The Bruce.
‘ always
at last
I AM old King Coal
(That jolly old soul),
Philanthropic, and pious,
proper ;
A patriot King,
Not the boss of a'Ring,
And I have no connection with
Copper.
I am grieved to declare
There are lies in the air ;
And I hear of most scandalous
rumours
That I, (who am just,)
Am proj ecting a Trust,
Which will dreadfully damage
Consumers.
Oh, thundering shame,
King Coal to defame !
My honour, of course, I must vin-
dicate.
A Corner in Coal ?
No ! I hold, on my soul,
That the worst form of sin is a
Syndicate.
I merely intend
(As a general friend)
To form a benign “ combination,”
To—buy up the mines,
On such liberal lines
As to help every class in the
nation.
Landlords to assist,
And the Capitalist;
I desire of no class to be spoiler.
But oh ! the chief aim
Of King Coal’s little game
to help the poor subterrene
toiler.
I’m trying to please
Coal-owners, Lessees,
Also Workmen, Consumers—the
fact is,
My theory is
That good will is good biz,
And I want to reduce it to prac-
tice.
It’s really sublime,—-
(Or it will be in time)
Eor I think you’ll admit it’s a
rarity—
To find a “ Big Boom”
In whose breast there’s no
room [Charity.
For aught save the Spirit of
Pure Love may find fault
With Copper or Salt,
But Coal’s a warm-hearted old
codger;
He never would hurt you,
He’s chock-full of virtue,
And hates the Monopolist dodger.
So let us all join
To buy up (not purloin)
The Coal-mines in Capital’s tether.
We soon shall be found
Most fraternally bound,
And—we ’ll all make our fortunes
together!
KING COAL’S DEFENCE.
and Is
“ Hands All Round.”
Hamilton’s scheme scarce satisfies Lord Charlie,
Lord Random seems, of course,_ a trifle snarly.
Well, here’s a Naval Toast which can't be wrong :
“ Strength to the Fleet, and Fleetness to the Strong! ’
(Cr* NOTICE.—Rejected Communications or Contributions, whether MS,, Printed Matter, Drawings, or Pictures of any description, will
in no case be returned, not even when accompanied by a Stamped and Addressed Envelope, Cover, or Wrapper. To thi3 rule
there will he no exception.