Punch: Punch (32.1857)

January 10, 1857.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

17

.ORD PALMERSTON AT SOUTHAMPTON.

Loud Palmers ion com-
plains that his confidence
lias been betrayed by Mr.
Lankester, an outspeak-
ing- burgess of Southamp-
ton. His lordship in the
course of an airy chat ven-
tured to express his doubt
of the scholastic fitness of
Mr. Andrews to represent
Southampton; but his lord-

SET A THIEF TO CATCH A THIEF."

have withheld from publicity an enviable distinction very probably
conferred upon Punch.

Why should the public appetite for knowledge concerning the acts
of Prince Albert be stinted to the information that His Royal
Highness skated with certain other Princes on the ice in the Home
Park ? It is as likely as not that the Prince spent some portion of the
day in designing a military frock and trousers, or a new cap for the
infantry, or an art-helmet for the cavalry. After skating on the ice he
doubtless felt hungry; but a loyal people is not even acquainted
whether he returned to the Castle to lunch or to dine, or partook of
refreshment on the spot. The illustrious Prince may possibly have
indulged in a cigar in the course of the day, but what the fact was, in
this momentous particular, is left to conjecture. It is not impossible

................ _______ that the Prince honoured Morpheus by taking a nap at some time

ship in no way intended his ; between breakfast and bed ; but then to be sure we cannot expect the
opinion to be published in \ Court Circular to say that Prince Albert was caught napping,
the borough. Of course,

however, Lord Palmer- - ~- -

ston is not the man to
flinch from anything he has
uttered: quite otherwise,

wMta£)ky th5Q crastiS- ^Bdng SUme EinU m PriS0n BlsciPline> addressed to Mr. Punch by an old
tional courage by a further j a Ticket-of-Leaver.)
vindication of his views. | unbred oir,_ _

To this end it is said that | i do think there never was sich times for offendurs, setten

Lord Palmerston has re- j 'em UP with hevery body a ritin about 'em, and all in a pukker, some
solved to decline the sup- adwokatin o the gallus, wich that wont do it, you may take your davy,
port of any member who ■ wotever a London scoundrel may say, and some a torkin out for Botny
improperly drops or exalts i Day a£in; w^cn taint so hesy as it looks to find fokes as will be glad to
his H's when speaking of take our bad cms off our ands and no questshuns axed, and suppose you
the Onorable Ouse, or of1 tries it on with South Hostralia and Carpentaria, well jest you wate
any Hact or Haets of Par-' some three yeres, wen South Hostralia 'ave took as many convicts
liament This rigour willj as sne wants, and Carpentary's grown sich an Ell upon Erth that you've
somewhat lessen the noble I a^ to do away with it as you ad with Norfolk Island; well then all the
load's customary majorities- ' i'at 'm De m the fire and you'il ave to face the facks arter all and fined
but this difficulty he is prepared to meet." Further, we understand ' owt 'ow to dele with yur prigs at 'ome, depend on it. Better face the
that, in future, all members of Parliament before being invited to ^cks at wunce, Mr. Punch, that s wot I say, and rusted oi calkn out for
Lady Palmerston's will have to undergo an examination that shall transportashun, see wether we cant fit the best part of our- prigs-
test their knowledge of all the historical arcana of the beau monde. them as amt too bad for anythink but pnsun-for emigrashun, and as
We give a few of the questions as they have oozed out from the com- i for the wust wy, if they must be shut up 111 be bound there s islands
mittee at Ahnack's_only a few emx-^ a ueal nearer than Hostralia, and terther on the cliggms, and

State the origin of May Pair, and name the countess who fell in love
with the rope-dancer.

How many gold frogs were worn by the Prince Regent on his frock-
coat and what was the value of every frog ?

Was Beau Brtjmmell vaccinated ? •

At what date did hoops disappear from Ranelagh ; and when amongst
ladies of distinction did little black footboys go out ?

Can you detect paste from diamonds, and by what means, and at
what distance ?

What are your armorial bearings, and how did you obtain them ?

Do you, or do you not, believe that Sir Erancis Burdett was justly
sent to the Tower ; and do you, or do you not, believe that the interests
of really good society would have been greatly benefited if Horne
Tooke had been hanged ?

We believe Mr. Andrews of Southampton to be a very worthy
man, but we much fear that, even if elected for that borough, he will
scarcely be able to pass the examination necessary to admit him to
Lady Palmerston's parties.

STARVATION OE LOYAL MINDS.

The Court Circular is very niggardly of the information with which
it supplies Her Majesty's subjects respecting the personal and private
acts of Her Majesty and her illustrious Consort. Eor instance, one
day last week, the whole of the intelligence, not merely public, relative
to the Queen and Prince Albert, was comprised in the two following
scraps—highly interesting and important, to be sure, but still two
only :—

" The Queen walked in the grounds adjoining the Castle this morning.

" His Royal Highness Prince Albert, with the Prince op Wales, the Prince
of Leiningen, and Prince Edward of Leiningen, skated on the ice in the Home
Park."

Who can doubt that Her Majesty did a great many things of full
as much, if not more consequence, than walking in the grounds ad-
mining Windsor Castle on the day in question ? The Queen drank at
breakfast either tea or coffee, or chocolate, or cocoa, or something else
—but we are not informed which, or what. Her Majesty, of course,
exercised her mind as well as her ibody—why are we not told what
boqks? papers, or periodicals, she honoured with her perusal? The
omission is not only most important, but perhaps unjust, for it may

hesier to keep 'em tight, and cheaper to feed 'em.

" As I've been a savin' all along, wurk is the wuu thing prigs 'ates, and
vunce you teche a cove there amt nothink for 'im but wurk, and find
wurk for 'im, and cum down on 'im sharp if 'e wont wurk, then you've
dun the best you can for the prigs as you can do anythink with. The
young uns as you can ketch afore they've got it werry bad, you may
manage with your skools, and then you've left on 'and the rele 'ardened
hout-an-hout jale-birds, and that sort. Wen wunce you've got 'em, you'd
better keep 'em, as chepe as you can, and as safe as you can, and git
wot wurk you can out on 'em, and at hany rate make 'em kepe thinr
selves. And this brings me to the pint I promised to tuch upon in my
last, about the competishun with free labur. Now wot I say is this
'ere—spose a chap's been tort a trade and sticks to it, he competes I
spose with uthers in that ere trade, and nobody says nuffm agin that.
But spose he takes to priggin, and you ketches 'im, and shuts 'im up,
and sez, 'Now, you've a trade, my man, and you shall wurk at that
trade in quod, as you wouldn't wurk at it out o quod," ow does that
there man compete more with free labur than he'd a' done if he'd a
bin an onest workman, and stuck to 'is trade ? Woodn't that a' been
the best thing he could a' done ? And wy shouldn't guv'ment make
'im do the best thing agin 'is own will, if so be he wont do it 'isself ?
Ow is fifty prigs a wurkin at shoomaking for guv'ment, competin more
with free labur than the same fifty shoomakers, turned 'onest, and
wurkin' in a East-end 'olesale shoo-facktory, under a guv'ment con-
tract ? That's wot I wants to no, Mr. Punch, and that's wot I've
axed hover and hover agin, wen peple torks to me ahowt jale-labur
competin with free labur, and it's a pint I never could get no satisfack-
shun in. Is the navvies wus off, a cos o' the prigs guv'ment kepes at
work on the Portland brakewater ?

" And, if so be, prigs must be kep out o mischefe, and can be made to
pay for their kepe, and guv'ment has its soldiers, and its peelers and
its sailers to clothe, and find in shoes, and all that 'ere, and if, for them
as aint used to sich work as talorin and shoomakin, there's carpenters'
work to do in prisuns, and rivers to imbank and thames marshes to
drane and London to sooer, and arbors o' refuge to bild, and sich ; well
then, I say, Mr. Punch, use your prigs to do it, and make 'em pay for
then bub and grub andlodgin and washin, and restore the walley o wot
they've prigged into the bargin, and dont trete em all alike, mind. And
wen there tyme's up don't send a feller naked out o' quod, into the
wurld agin, without a rag of karacter to is back, and is old pals a
waitin for 'im at the jug-door ; but 'ave a sort of a betwix and betwene-
term, wen he wouldn't be quite a prisuner, nor yet qwite a free man,
but 'ud be tried with a taste o' liberty, and a touch o' temtation now
and then, and ave some of his own arnins to do as he liked with, and,