Punch: Punch (32.1857)

January 10, 1857.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

SPORTS IN HIGH LIFE.

=E have heard of a wager of
six new bonnets, made by
Lady Caroline B. with the
Dowager Duchess Evan-
geline C., that she would run
away with the Dwarf that is
at present exhibiting in Re-
gent Street. Accordingly, on
Tuesday last, the little fellow
was missing from his usual
platform for a full half-hour.
The greatest consternation
prevailed in the neighbour-
hood. Young ladies went
into hysterics, and tore their
cambric pocket-handkerchiefs
into pieces. It was even-
tually ascertained that Lady
Caroline B., attired in the
utmost breadth of the fashion,
had visited the Exhibition that
day, and upon inquiry, it was
clearly proved that the Dwarf
had been forcibly abducted by
Iler Ladyship, without any
one in the least perceiving the
embezzlement, and afterwards
shown to her friends in her
magnificent drawing-room in

Belgrave Square. How the abduction was so quietly managed no one is aware; but it is
supposed that Her Ladyship contrived to secrete the Dwarf in one of the folds of her
capacious costume, and succeeded in carrying him down to her carriage before his absence was

observed.

Precautions have been taken to prevent a siinilar catastrophe occurring again. A female
searcher from the Custom House has been stationed at the door, and all ladies suspected of
smuggling the Dwarf will have their dresses rigidly examined before they are allowed to
leave the premises.

A RIVAL TO SPURGEON.

A Mr. Guinness has been started in Devon-
shire as a rival to Mr. Spurgeon. His admirers
say, " he has a voice quite as powerful as
Mr. Spurgeon's." What say the combatants in
Bombastes Furioso ?—

" So have i heard on Afric's burning shore,

A horrid lion give a horrid roar ! "
" So have /heard on Afric s burning sho/tj,

Another lion give another roar ;

And the first lion thought the last a bore."

We wonder what Mr. Spurgeon thinks of Mr.
Guinness ?

Flippancy in a Tenant.

Landlord. Good morning, Mr. Jones. Fine
day, Sir. I've taken the liberty of bringing a
receipt for the quarter's rent.

Tenant. Rent. 0, ah ! Due last week—you're
quick on quarter-day, Mr. Brown. By the way,
do you know that none of the doors in this house
will shut ?

Landlord. New house, you know, Sir. Must
have time to settle.

Tenant. And so must I, Mr. Brown. Good
morning.

[Exit Landlord, unpaid, but unconvinced.

Christmas at Esher.

The Queen as usual sent a magnificent piece
of Christmas beef to the ex-royal family at
Esher. Is Prince Joinville still tarrying
there ? If so, with a full recollection of his
gracious pamphlet m which, upon paper, he had
invaded the Thames, and burnt the shipping in
the Pool, he might wash down the royal beef
with the "Port of London."

THE EXCLUSIVE OF BICKLEIGH VALE.

The Bill for the admission of the Jews into Parliament, annually
voted by the Commons and rejected by the Upper House, will, thi
year, at length, in all probability, be agreed to by the Noble Lords. If
otherwise, their Lordships' House is not what it is generally taken for.

There is, near Plymouth, a certain pleasant valley which has hitherto
been denominated Bickleigh Vale, but the name whereof is now likely
to undergo an alteration. Some propose to call it Duke's Place, for
a twofold reason; namely, because it has been engrossed and appro-
priated by a person who, although a mere baronet, has, in that pro-
ceeding, assimilated himself to certain Scotch Dukes ; and also because
the baronet in question may be regarded as one of the Duke's Place
aristocracy. Others are of opinion that it might be more correctly
termed Houndsditch for a reason of a threefold nature; inasmuch as
Houndsditch and Duke's Place in London are localities alike peculiar,
whilst the narrowest part of Bickleigh Vale is actually guarded by
several ferocious dogs, and, in the opinion of many, the man that would
deprive his neighbours of their customary passage through his domain
is justly denominated a hound.

Now the baronet who has appropriated and. engrossed Bickleigh
Vale, may, to render our argument the clearer, be called Sir Moses
Levi. He is, in fact,^ Sin Moses Levi as regards that argument.
Sir Moses has, according to the Plymouth Journal, closed Bickleigh
Vale by protecting its entrance with a locked gate and a pugihstic
gamekeeper; besides the savage dogs abovementioned, which he has
placed within it. Sir Moses Levi, by the account of our Plymouth
contemporary, has also closed several paths, called church-paths, one
of which shortens the footway by two miles.

Whether Sir Moses Levi has been won over to bacon, or continues
to repudiate ham-sandwich, we do not know. It is pretty clear that
lie is no Christian. _ Even if we are to take Moses, m his case, as a
Christian name, his closure of Bickleigh Vale, and the paths through
his other property, will plead irresistibly for the Jews in the House of
Lords. It will appear to that exclusive assembly a signal example of

In the meantime the boys are shouting " Old Close ! " after Sir
Moses, with obvious reference to his closure of Bickleigh Vale ; for
which act, a Committee, appointed to consider the encroachments oi
Sir Moses on the public rights, has reported that, by the advice of
Mr. Collier, Q. O, an indictment had better be preferred against
Sir Moses Levi. It is not at all improbable that the inhabitants of
Plymouth, Devonport, and Stonehouse will subscribe abundant funds
for the prosecution of Sir Moses for a nuisance, if that injury can
be called a mere nuisance which consists in depriving the inhabitants
of three towns of a large portion of their "lungs."

THE CANDIDATE VOR EARLY CLOZUN.

When I begun a Workman, I wun't zay in what shire,

Chaps had to work vroin mam to night all week days droo the year,

Till I grow'd up a Master, the truth is what you hear,

And I thinks it right of a Vriday night to pay 'em then wages clear.

What I and my companions in this here move intends

Is to make the workun men take whoam what now m drink they spends,

Which leads to poverty and crime, the fruits o' gin and beer.

Oh! I thinks it right of a Vriday night to pay 'em their wages cfear.

The Early Clozun Movement we also wants to speed,
And if there was but moor on us Ave should very zoon succeed,
To shut up shops o' Zaturdav night the zoonest way's this here,
Zo I thinks it right on a Vriday night to pay 'em their wages clear.

I gies em Zaturday evenun their leizure to enjoy

And moor than that I ood afford to all m my employ,

If moor o' my feller Masters ood to what I zays give ear.

Oh 1 I thinks it right of a Vriday night to pay 'em their wages clear.

Success to Early Clozun, and all enlightun'd views,
And if a representative you be in doubt to choose,
, . , Choose him whose liberal principles does m his acts appear,

the kindred exclusiveness which has been supposed to be inherent in I Oh! I thinks it right of a Vriday night to pay 'em their wages clear,
the Israebtish character. A fellow feeling will make the majority of

the Peers wondrous kind to the descendants of Jacob. The Scotch
Dukes, in particular;, will be zealous in proclaiming theii adhesion to
Hebrew Emancipation. Should Sir Moses Levi ever be created a
Peer of the realm by the title of Baron Bickleigh, or Earl op
Houndsditch, the Dukes and all the rest of the noble Lords will
receive him with open arms.

The Mistletoe Bough.

Twenty tons of mistletoe were gathered in Gloucestershire and
Herefordshire, and sent to various markets. Twenty tons of mistletoe !
Let us hope that the supply of lips was fully equal to the demand.