Punch: Punch (32.1857)

102

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI [March 14, 1857.

Thursday. Lord Palmerston came down to the House, and with
the blandest courtesy apprised the Chinese members, that in conse-
quence of then vote on Tuesday, he might have turned out, if he liked,
only he didn't like, and should turn them out instead. It would be,
he gently hinted, ridiculous to ask the factions to make a Govern-
ment, because they could not do it; and therefore he had arranged
with the Queen that as soon as some necessary votes for money and
soldiers had been taken, Parliament should be Dissolved.

(jlf«\ Punch's cheering might have been heard at Canton itself, and
will be when the next mail arrives there.)

Mr. Disraeli, with a face about twice as long as was consistent
with beauty, intimated that he would not prevent the dissolution, but
Mr. Cobden was not so gracious, and demanded that somebody should
chivy the Indian mail, now on its way, and give the postman a note to
Admtbal Seymour, desiring him to make peace and apologies. Sir
Charles Wood laughed good-naturedly, as he always does, and said
that long before the debate, he had sent off plenty of frigates and gun-
boats to China, that they had arrived by this time, and that Govern-
ment would take care to do what was desirable. This put the Chinese
members in a dreadful rage, but though they got some more " expla-
nations," they got no better terms, and Lord John Russell was
quite affecting about the "penal dissolution" inflicted on the
House for having voted according to its conscience. At this
word, in such context, Pam fairly exploded, but when he had
done laughing, he hoped that nobody would call the dissolution
penal, as surely, if members felt themselves in the right, it must be
the greatest happiness to them to meet their constituents. This was a

cruel poke at the Chinese, who took to flight, and the House was
actually counted out at 8 o'clock.

This seems to afford a good opportunity for mentioning that in the
Lords, on Monday, Lord Derby complained that the Press, (usually
understood to be Mr. Disraeli's organ) had given an maccurate
report of a _ meeting of his Lordship's supporters. The journal
replies that its report was substantially correct. The Earl was repre-
sented _ as having blown up certain dissentient Conservatives with
some vigour. Next night Lord Cranworth's Divorce Bill came on,
and was read a second time; but the dissolution will enable C. C. to
make a more decent affair of it. Lord Derby abused the Bishops for
not attending on such a question—twenty-three, he said, could come to
the Chinese debate, and only two to that on Divorce. On Thursday
Lord Granville announced the dissolution, complimenting the Lords
upon their having shown more sense than the Commons on the Canton
affair; and on Friday Lord Shaftesbury gave notice of his intention to
administer a very mild opiate to their lordships on the following Monday.

On Friday the Commons made a sort of Tea Party, excessively dull'
as tea-parties usually are, and which ended in the Chancellor oe
the Exchequer's defeating Mr. Gladstone, and fixing the duty on
tea, for a year from April next, at one and fippens, as it would be
called by the poor old women whose beverage is being perpetually
stirred by great financiers. To-night there was a perfect storm in a
tea-cup, but the Government majority was 187 to 125, namely 62.
The reduced Income-Tax Bill was read a first time, Lord Palmerston,
like a careful man, putting everything in its place before Going to the
Country.

SOMETHING NEW ON HEADS.

E thought what it would
come to. We long
ago predicted (to our-
selves, that is ; for we
never tell our prophe-
cies until they are
fulfilled ones) that in
reviving the hoop petti-
coat, the ladies would
revert toother fashions
of their ancestresses,
including perhaps that
of wearing their hair
powdered. And our
prediction has been
verified (or we should
not have called atten-
tion to it); only to
keep pace with the
march, or rather gallop,
of extravagance, the
operation it seems
now-a-days is per-
formed with gold dust.
This we learn less
from our own personal
observation (for we
are somewhat short-
sighted, and are afraid
to look too closely for
fear of getting some of
the gold dust in our

eyes) than from a writer on the fashions in a fashionable contemporary—by Jenkins ! what
an intellect must be demanded for the post!—who enlightens and astonishes our weak mind
as follows :—

"The custom, of sprinkling gold dust on the hair is becoming, we perceive, more and more in vogue. It
produces generally the most captivating of effects, and especially enhances the charms of the coiffure where
the hair is light brown or of an auburn tint; to which it imparts that shining golden hue, which to the poetical
observer, appears as though a sunbeam had been broken into bits, and scattered among the tresses."

This is very fine, really : and will probably produce quite a run upon the diggings. Never-
theless, we have some doubts of the value of gold dust as a hair powder, and confess that
we are tempted to inquire with vulgar people, Will it wash ? It seems to us, being purely
practical observers, that any " fair one with the golden locks " which nature has bestowed on
her, would soon take the shine out of artificial sunbeams, and make their wearers cry out with
vexation to their lady's-maids on getting home, "Here, bring me my gold-dust pan, and sweep
away my smshine ! "

But there is really no accounting for fashionable taste : and as we have even seen artificial
flowers worn in preference to real ones, it would not at all surprise us to find that the false
sunbeams still should keep in fashion, notwithstanding even our attempts to put them out.
We suspect indeed that there are many ladies who would be among the last to allow of any
silver being seen in their hair, and yet would be among the first to show a little gold in it.
We ourselves, however, incline to think that there is "metal more attractive" in beauty
unadorned, than when it is got up at that regardlessness of cost which the use of gold dust

as abeautifier seems to us to indicate. We shall
therefore be prepared, ourselves, at half a
moment's notice, to assume the part of the
" stern parient," and resist all entreaties on our
Judy's part that we come down with the gold
dust for our dearest Punchelina. We do not
think that any application of the dredging-box,
whether aureous or not, would at all add to her
capillary attractions; and we confess that we
have little wish to hear our daughters spoken of,
like walking-canes, as being gold-headed.

A CASE OP TENDER CONSCIENCE.

As Moliere asked of Yirtue, we may ask of
Conscience—Where may she not be found ? She
is now to be taken out of a gutter, and now
pulled out of a cellar. Now she squats upon
the form of a ragged school, and now she—picks
a pocket! This last truth _ has, of late, been
curiously illustrated in a Paris Court of Justice.
A gang of boy-thieves, from eight years old to
fourteen, have been tried and severally sentenced.
The gang, like all things Preneh, had a military
constitution. There was a chief, sub-chief, and
lieutenants. There was a wide range of plunder
from sausages to hundreds of francs. Now, we
are told that a number of Jewish boys who
belonged to the gang, insisted upon being
organised apart, so as not, as they expressed it,
to "work" with Catholics. Now this is a case
of conscience that must delight Mr. Spooner.
With all his sincere abhorrence of Maynooth,
we feel assured it would be a great consolation
to the hon. gentleman, were his pocket to be
picked, to know that he had been robbed by a
conscientious Hebrew thief, who scorned associa-
tion in common with a Catholic felon. It is said
that the distinction insisted upon by the little
Jews originated in a quarrel that arose in the
gang, touching a booty of sausages.

A New Tea Service.

We recommend Messrs. Minton, Wedg-
wood, &c, to get a new Tea Service ready
immediately, with portraits of Disraeli, Glad-
stone, Roebuck, and Russell, done as " China
Mugs." Let the portraits be life-like, and the
Mugs will be just the things to hold milk-and-
water for the use of juvenile M.P.'s, and little
Lords who have not yet learnt their political
ABC.