Punch: Punch (32.1857)

120

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

[March 21, 1S57.

STRONG CHINESE LANGUAGE.

When peace shall have been re-established with China, it will be worth the while of an
enterprising manager to engage a Mandarin or Governor of the flowery land to write
burlesques for translation and representation at his theatre. What is there in Bombastes
Furioso to beat this ?

" Let every inhabitant of China who shall meet an Englishman inflict on him the fate he merits. Already do
our imiumerable fleets and mighty armies, which are dreaded by the whole world, advance to drive them
away. Let everybody unite with that army—let every one take part iu the war, and teach foreigners to
tremble before the will and before the anger of our Sovereign, whose gaze is as burning as the rays of the sun,
and whose power is immeasurable.

" He who shall not act in conformity with these orders shall be considered a traitor, and may expect
ftom us a chastisement as prompt as terrible.

" You hear ! Obey.

" The Mandarin Governor Tchyn-Too."

" Done at Whampoa, the 9th day of the 12th Moon."

The Moon, indeed, under whose influence Mr. Tchyn-Too appears to have composed his
proclamation, must, one would think, have been exactly at the full just then. The state of
the Chinese mind, evinced by such ravings as the above, is further perhaps indicated by
the fashion of keeping the head shaved, for whicb the natives of China are remarkable.
However, these outpourings of frenzy would tell admirably in a mock tragedy, or the
introduction to a pantomime. A great point might be made of the gaze of the Emperor,
asserted by Tchyn-Too to be burning as the rays of the sun. An Englishman might be
represented as lighting his cigar from the Imperial countenance by means of a convex
lens, and of course having summarily inflicted upon him the late he merited by taking
that liberty—immediate decapitation.

RAMPANT AN GLO-EUSSIANISM.

Among the curiosities of literature which have been added recently to those which the
elder DTsraeli found and made a note of, we see a work has just been published called
England and Russia Natural Allies, which, as its title page might lead one to suppose,
contains so many statements of a jocular description, that we feel inclined abnost to offer to
the writer an engagement for some permanence upon our literary staff. As a sample of the
way in which he outjokes Joseph Miller, we extract the following:—

" It is a wise policy of the Russian Government not to promote the increase of the middle class beyond
;ertain limits, which would endanger the present happy state of the country, and undermine the basis of her
wealth, power and greatness, namely, the servitude of the peasantry."

That one may properly appreciate the exquisite facetiousness of thus speaking of the
"present happy state of the country," one need but read the revelations about Russia Eelix
which are being published now in Household Words; the evidence there given as to the feli-
cities enjoyed by Russian subjects, being in corroboration of the many statements to the
same effect which other travellers have made us. But sparkling as it is, the joke is quite
eclipsed by that with which another of the writer's pages is illuminated, where, to prove the
naturalness of an alliance between Englishmen and Russians, he states that Nature has
endowed their aristocracy with such marks of resemblance as clearly indicate that she
intended them to live as one united happy family.

" In their personal appearance the flower, both of the English and Russian aristocracy, present the
virulent sensualism of the ox, beautified by all the graces of humanity."

The humour of this notion is not a little heightened by its metaphorical confusion—the
assertion being made that in the "flower" of the nations there may be discerned a purely
animal resemblance. There might perhaps be some propriety in finding in John Bull some
traces of the ox, but the only way in which we could discover any bovine features in the
flower of our aristocracy would be 1o find that some of them had ox-Hps. We do not think
however that the tracing of a likeness between them and the Russians can be accepted as a

compliment to the lords of our creation, even
though, to mollify the statement, it be said that
they alike are "beautified by all the graces of
humanity." Indeed we are quite of opinion that
John Bull would trample most indignantly on
any flowers of speech by which his name might
stand in danger of being altered to John Bullo-
vitch.

A PASSING TOLL.

Toll for the grave !

M.P.'s that are no more !
All sunk, the "tips " they gave,

i Wiped out, each ale-house score!
Six hundred looking grave,

And sixty-four beside,
Who for the Public weal,

May never more divide.
John Bowring raised the cloud,

And Pam was overset,
Down went the Commons House,

Each to contest his seat

Toll for the brave !

Brave Shaw Leeevre's gone ;
His last night's work is wrought,

His last division done.
Throughout six sessions' battles,

Serene he eyed the clock ;
He played no factious trick,

Ran on no party rock.
All join to weave his wreath,

All join his praise to pen,
Now Shaw Leeevre's gone,

May wTe find his like again !

The election-writs fill up,

Paw to the country goes !
Let's pledge him in the cup

Of tea brewed by his foes.
His credit yet is sound,

And he will rule again,
Though angry Gladstone thunder,

And Dizzy sneer and strain ;
But Shaw Leeevre's gone,

His speakership is o'er:
And he, and this six hundred

And fifty, sit no more !

NUTS AND WINE.

An advertisement offers the British Public

TTNADULTERATED WINES.—The "Nutty
U Sherry, 80s. Cash.

The nutty sherry may be a very pleasant
beverage; but what is a nutty sherry? Can any
sort of sherry be prepared from Spanish nuts ?
Eor our own drinking we should prefer a Avine of
the same nature as that which Iago represents
Besdemona as accustomed to imbibe. That
worthy, in reference to the young lady in ques-
tion, reminds his friend Roderigo that " the wine
she drinks is made of grapes." We would
rather drink a grape wine than a nutty wine.
Nevertheless, we have no objection to nuts in
combination with wine, upon the understanding
that wc are to eat the former , and drink the
latter. _

Coffee-House Characteristics.

Let an Englishman and a Frenchman enter
a coffee-house at the same time; the former will
walk up to the fire-place, and the latter will stop,
at the first mirror. The Englishman lifts up his-
coat-tails, and warms his huge body, whilst the
Frenchman, with equal wTarmth, suns himself in
the looking-glass.

The Chinese Division.—We would sooner
have been with Palmerston on the Canton
Minority than have been, like Gladstone, one:
of the Cantin' Majority !