Punch: Punch (32.1857)

April 4, 1857.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

133

Third Member. Think'st thou so, indeed, Master Hayterio?
Well, I am for your measures. Let who will stick to men,—mea-
sures, say I.

Hayterio (gives invitation to Ball). Her Grace claims your hand for
the first fandango. Remember ! (Aside to Aim, with a wink.) Lo-
thario that thou art! If Mistress Cinqapace but guessed !

[Third Member smiles, then blushes ; nudges Hayterio in the ribs,
places his finger by the side of his nose cunningly, and glidr;
away, after exchanging with Hayterio a confidential pressure
of the hand.

Hayterio (recording the name of Third Member on his list). Another
gained ! So wags this world of ours. Buyers and sellers all! Each
has his price. " Nation of Shopkeepers," said the Corsican,—and he
spake truth. But we must have more votes.

[Observes Gtjlielmo, who during the preceding scene has been

standing apart, with his arms folded, a scowl of contemptuous

indignation on his homely but heroic features.
"lis Gulielmo—Member for the Marsh—
A great Arithmetician, aye agog
For that Economy, which 'tis our game
To call " cheese-paring "— " thrift of candle-ends;"
Or " Penny-Wisaom-and-Pound-Eoolishness."
Would I could win him !—Let me find a chink
[n his mailed virtue—twang—I '11 loose a shaft,

Ajid lay him at my feet—a noble quarry ! [Approaches familiarly.
Give you good-day, good Master Gulielmo.

Gulielmo. Even " good-day," I take not at your hands.

Hayterio. Nay, prithee, snap me not so shortly up—
I would be courteous—

Gulielmo. Keep your courteous breath

For those whose porridge it can cool or warm :

I need it not. [Turns away with lofty independence.

Hayterio (following him). Yet wherefore fly me ?

Gulielmo (stopping short and turning). ELY !

Hear him, Marsh voters ! Hear him—he said " Ely."

[With withering scorn.

Know—minion of corruption,—Gulielmo
Flies not from man—least of all men, from you !

Hayterio. " Let that Fly,"—as our Scottish proverb says—
" Stick to the wall," but say why you requite
My courtesy with churlishness. 'Tis well
For those o' the other side the House to sneer,
Howl, make mouths, call us "humbugs," but for you—
A Liberal—so to meet a Liberal's hand—
To be so cross with us—still to let out
Each Liberal cat from the Official bag—
'Tis hard! But say, must it be ever thus ?—
Will nothing tempt thee to more pliant mood ?

Gulielmo (folding his arms). Nothing that thou canst offer.

Hayterio (pointing to his Budget). Thave here
Post-Office places—snug Tide-Waiter ships,
Suited for ten pound voters—

Gulielmo. Hold thy hand !

Tides wait for no man,—no man waits for tides,
That votes for Gulielmo. Post Office ?
I scorn all men of letters,—and will not
Be accessory to the making more.

Hayterio. But social honours !—They can tempt you, sure.
Say, would you dine with Palmerstono ? Meet
His lady's gracious smile on Saturday's ?
Be pointed at, within her marble halls—
" See—Gulielmo—that is he—the great,
The immaculate Gulielmo ? "

G-ulielmo. I'd rather meet

Within the sanded tap-rooms of the Marsh
My grimiest, greasiest constituents,
Than sit the guest of princes!

Hayterio (insinuatingly). But thy wife ;

Think how she '& grace the Halls of Royalty !
Think of thy wife, in plumes and a court-train!

^Gulielmo is agitated by a secere internal struggle.
Think of that matron's pride! [aside.

He shrinks ! he yields! •

Gulielmo (aside). The husband shakes ! the patriot is fixed !

[With an outburst of awful dignity.
Back tempter ! Sooner should my wife usurp
The inexpressibles I wear, than mount
Lappets and train to swell the venal crowd
Of courtier-slaves ! Take hence thy bribes ! Avaunt!

Hayterio. But one word—Knighthood for thyself—

Gulielmo. Away!

Hayterio. A baronetcy—succession to thy son.

Gulielmo. Like me, he lives and dies Plain Gulielmo !

Hayterio. A Baronage—

Gulielmo Bother!

Hayterio. Earldom—

Gulielmo. Go to Bath !

Hayterio. A Marquisate—a Dukedom—what thou wilt ?

Gulielmo. What I will ! (Witheringly.) To be left to my great self-
Plain Gulielmo, Member for the Marsh—
The immaculate—the incorruptible—
TJnbuyable—Unbribable—Alone !

[Hayterio shrinks back baffled! Gulielmo strikes an attitude
of mingled triumph and humility. Curtain Fall:.

CLEAN HANDS."

he late governor of the British
Bank, Mr. Esdaile, took touch-
ing occasion at the Court of
Bankruptcy to thank God with
a sigh—

"Some people always sigh in
thanking God,"

says the poetess of Aurora Leigh,
—that, sinking with the British
Bank, he had sunk with " clean
hands." May not the public be
favoured with cheap casts of
those monetary hands, painted
after the purity of the originals ?
They would, doubtless, be of
great interest even as objects of
art— of the very highest and the
very deepest art—to depositors
and shareholders, hung over
their mantel-pieces. As we
have known soldiers and sailors
who carefully hoarded the bullet
that had hit them; so, doubt-
less, might the sufferers by the
British Bank find food for bitter
melancholy in contemplating the
shape of the palms, the insin-
uating delicacy of finger of the
hands of the governor, under
whose manipulation the British
Bank, like a soap-bubble, burst
into infinite space. We have
not the least doubt of the pre-
sent purity of Mr. Esdaile's
hands: but we confess a curi-
osity to know the sort of wash-
balls he used for ablution, seeing that from his close friendship
with Mr. Cameron, the governor must now and then have touched
pitch. But purity and refinement seemed to be the besetting qualities
of the late governor. Cameron was a working, vulgar tool: Esdaile
was the tranquil gentleman. In fact, Cameron, in the words of
Esdaile—"was the supreme executive of the Bank."

" You do not mean to say,"—puts in the merciless Mr. Linklaier
—" he was there for use, and you for ornament ? "

And Mr. Esdaile makes reply with all the conscious dignity of the
passive, yet superior article—" It was very much the case."

A report was issued—it is not stated whether before or after Mr.
Esdaile had washed his hands, but we incline to think before—
in which the blessings to be derived from the British Bank were
thus set forth—

" The contributions cf innumerable small rills gradually swelling into a mighty
head might be diffused so as to irrigate and fructify the surrounding space, and be
a blessing to the givers and receivers."

This is evidently from the useful hand of Cameron, and not from
the hand ornamental of Esdaile. Cameron, moreover, was the piety-
monger ; the bird oipray: hence, his note is audible in the subjoined.

" That the benefits of the institution to the community would as much exceed
those of even savings-banks as did the gains of the good and faithful servant those
of him who kept his pound laid up in a napkin."

It is really too much for Cameron Iscariot, for him who " bore the
bag," to calculate the gains of the good and faithful servant. Under
the nominal rule of the ornamental governorship, the directors sent out
the following courageous falsehood:—

" That the Royal British Bank being incorporated by Royal Charter, it possessed
a privilege of doing local business equal to any Bank except the Bank of England.
The Lords of Her Majesty's Privy CouncU of Trade had already approved of the
deed of constitution by increasing the capital as the nature of the business might
require."

Again we say, we do not for a moment doubt the surpassing clean-
liness of Mr. Esdaile's hands ; but we must emphatically put to him
this question—Where does he buy his soap ?