Punch: Punch (32.1857)

April II, 1857.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 147

POCKET-BOROUGHS.

Mr. C—pp—ck, the large Parliamentary Salesman, has
in his possession a certain number of pretty little pocket-
boroughs, which, for the convenience of his customers, lie
has arranged systematically according to their price, begin-
ning with the thousands, and winding up with the hun-
dreds. Por £3,000, he will guarantee to let you have a
good Borough for " Sale, and Return "—but if you cannot
afford to lay out more than a beggarly £300, he will under-
take to negociate the sale for you, but cannot possibly
guarantee the return. It is a favourite trade-saying of
his that, hke men, "Every Borough has its price." It
all depends upon whether you bid high enough for its
purchase.

Of Two Evils we Prefer the Lesser.

The Tories insist upon calling Palmerston the " Tory
Chief of a Radical Ministry." Well, even that is better
than Disraeli, who, if lie could creep into the same
position, would in all probabiUty be nothing better than
the " Radical Chief of a Tory Ministry."

a crying evil.

There are not less than 2,500 drummers in Paris—
and "yet" (writes a correspondent) "Paris is not by many
million shrieks such a noisy capital as London. The fact
Cherub Cobden (to Cherub BrigJtt). " This is really a very Disagreeable State is, the street-vendors and itinerant musicians in our blessed
op Things.—Who would have thought it?" Metropolis beat the Parisian drummers hollow."

CHEAP AND NOT NICE GOVERNESSES.

The subjoined advertisement cannot be objected to by anybody
who understands and acknowledges the principle of Eree Trade :—

WANTED, a lady as USEFUL COMPANION and NURSERY
*' GOVERNESS. She will be required to take the entire care of three children,
under five years old, and to instruct the two eldest, and must be able to assist in all
kinds of needlework. No salary for ths. first six months. She will be received as
one of the family. Apply by letter, with every particular, to F. F., post-office,
Twickenham Common, Middlesex.

If the state of the female labour-market is such, that a young
woman is to be obtained willing to take the whole charge of three
infants, teach two of them, besides dressing, washing, and combing all
three,_ and continually assisting the smallest one with a pocket-hand-
kerchief ; also to do an indefinite amount and variety of needlework,
to perform the part of a companion, and to make herself generally useful
for her board and victuals and reception as one of a famdy, apparently
in needy circumstances; if a girl is to be found ready to undertake
the place of governess on these terms, there is no reason why anybody
who offers them should be particularly abused for so doing. There is
nothing more mean in engaging a governess than in hiring an agri-
cultural labourer at the lowest assignable figure. The parties offer the
terms at their own risk. They piropose a very small remuneration, of
course, in the expectation of receiving very indifferent services.

They will not, therefore, if they are reasonable people, be surprised
to rind—should the situation which they advertise be accepted—
that the instruction given to the two elder of their children consists
principally of bad English, that the nose of the baby is generally some-
what out of joint, that the bodies of the three are affected by washing
only in as _ far as they are not concealed by clothing, and that their
heads are in a state requiring the advice of Erasmus Wilson. They
will also lay their account with getting none of their needlework done,
of which the doing can be avoided, and that little which is done
executed with the smallest possible neatness and the least care.
Moreover, they will calculate upon disrespect and vulgarity upon the
part of the young person who, at the price tendered by them for her
company, must necessarily prove a low companion.

Einally, they will be quite prepared to lose her valuable services and
society, suddenly, some day, and therewith a few, or perhaps many
other matters of greater value. Of course they know that in driving
a hard bargain, they run a very considerable risk of making a bad one,
and of being laughed at by sentimental buffoons for buying in the
cheapest labour-market, and getting sold.

the polonitjs or the palace.

The Times says that Sir William Don, who is acting at the St.
James's Theatre, is seven feet high. Colonel Phipps, on reading
that fact, gave a shriek, and exclaimed, "By Jove! He's tall enough
to act in two pieces ! "

THE COMIC SONGS OF OLD.

Where are the songs of our forefathers ? the Comic Songs they sang,
When their festive halls and their tavern walls at their merry meet-
ings rang,

With a right fol lol, and a tol de rol, and a foodie doodle doo,
And a chorus of rumpty iddity, and a burden of tooral loo.

No man dares fol de rido sing; derided he would be

If he did so, or sang hey ho, or fiddle diddle dee;

And in this age soon from the stage that injudicious clown

Would be hooted for such an atrocity as smging derry down.

The day of fol de riddle lol is past, and none would now

Adjoin ding dong unto a song, or sing whack row de dow,

Or rub a dub at any club, or private friendly board,

And no longer is chip chow cherry chow in social assemblies roared.

The teural lal, the leural lal, the leural and li day,

Of Villikim applause that wins in the celebrated lay,

Is all burlesque, absurd, grotesque, a mock of the ditties old,

With the tooral ooral choruses which in other times were trolled.

Those were the times of our forefathers, the funny days of yore,
Great thick cravats, Prince Regent hats, and stays when dandies wore,
High collars too, and coats sky blue, watch ribbons huge of size,
And the tightest of possible pantaloons, and pumps with enormous ties

What jolly bucks were our forefathers, that gaily used to sing
Ri tol de rol de riddle lol, when George the Third was King,
And revelry with song and glee delighted to combine,
As they drank their toasts and sentiments in bumpers of strong port
wine.

The Half-way House between St. Paul's and St. Peter's.

A Ptjseyite chapel may be compared to an Italian Warehouse of
religion, where you can get any little ornamental ecclesiastical nick-
nack you want, 'from an illuminated Roman candle down to a bunch
of papistic artificial flowers. St. Barnabas for instance is only a kind
of religious Eortnum and Mason's. They might with every propriety
hang out placards, with the following tempting announcements :—

" Pxtseyite Parties Attended, and Religious Bauds Provided." "Crosses,
Candlesticks, Canonicals a la Romaine Lent on Hire, &c, &c."

Gentlemen of the Jewry.

The City Jews, like sensible men, saw no harm in voting on their
Sabbath. Mr. Dillon, indeed, looked to them to extricate him from
the mess into which his dictatorial propensities had got him; but
though the Hebrew electors admitted that as a general rule, it was
lawful to help a donkey out of a hole on the Sabbath day, they pre-
ferred to show themselves Englishmen, and returned Lord John.