Punch: Punch (32.1857)

172

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

[Mat 2, 1857.

8AD NEWS FOR DONKEYS.

sinine longevity has
been a somewhat fruit-
ful subject of discussion
among naturalists, but
we believe that nearly
all the best informed
authorities, from Cuvier
to Sam Weller, agree
almost precisely in their
views upon the matter.
It was the opinion of the
latter that the age of
asses, on the average, is
of so prolonged duration
that he questioned if the
man were living who had
seen a dead one: and
although Cuvieb, may
not go quite the length
of this, he still describes
the donkey race as being
most conspicuously a
long-yeared species.

All friends, however,
of the ass (and the cynic
might remark that there

C=^C> ^^/(¥^W^^^^S-~ arc few human families

which in one or other of
their members may not
claim relationship) will

be concerned to hear that steps are being taken which will tend to shorten very
much its average existence. A paragraph just quoted from the Union informs us
that—

" In consequence of the success which lias attended bringing horseflesh into use as human food
a Society has been formed at Paris for causing the flesh of youug asses to be eaten also. The
Society maintains that such meat is the most delicious in existence, and quotes the example of
Maecenas and Cardinal Dupont, both distinguished gourmands, who were passionately fond of

the flesh of young asses."

Of course, it' this Society attains much influence, the longevity of donkeys will
be counted shortly with the Hessian boots and pigtails of our fathers, among the
almost fabulous traditions of the past. To please the palate of the gourmand all
asses must die young, and they no longer will enjoy that patriarchal age which,
it is believed, their flesh is heir to. If the onophagites prevail, a donkey's life
will soon become as short as is its gallop, and essays will be written in the praise
of juicy asslings, after the manner of Elia's Essay on Roast Pig.

Well, certainly there is no accounting for a gourmand's
tastes ; and what is one man's asses' meat may be another's
poison. We must confess we have ourselves no inordinate
desire to sit down with our family to an asinine repast;
and while our friends can give us a beefsteak and oyster-
sauce, we shall not grumble at the lack of donkey cutlets
or stewed ass's head to follow. In fact, so long as a lamb
chop and a haunch of venison be procurable, we think that
the man who would prefer to dine off donkey, must in some
degree be regarded ELS ft cannibal.

TESTIMONIAL TO WORKING MEN.

During the war, a number of artisans and artificers
were employed at the dockyards and arsenals ; and to their
labours was in a great measure owing the termination of
the Russian war. Having withdrawn from their former
engagements, they found themselves, on the conclusion of
hostilities, without the means of procuring work in place
of that which Government no longer required. Under
these circumstances it was thought fit that a testimonial
should be given them for their services, and accordingly
they received one at a moment's notice in the shape of the
sack. In answer to their petition for help to emigrate,
it was intimated to them that Government would help
them if they would help themselves. They complied with
the condition, and scraped a sum of money together; but
the Government has not been so good as its heavenlike
word. We hope that another war will not happen till these
circumstances shall have been forgotten; for they are such
as, if remembered, will hardly induce working men to
undertake public employment in a hurry.

The Maine Liquor Law.

Me. GouGnhas gone into mourning for the acknowledged
failure of the Maine Liquor Law. He writes, " The Maine
Law is a dead letter everywhere." Drowned, like poor
Ophelia, but not of "too much water." The fact is, tempe-
rance is a matter of education; it is not to be forced into
people's houses either on high or low service. Unlike the
New Elver, temperance is not to be turned on " from the
Maine." _

rothschildish question.

When will the Peerage, iced with pride, come to :
Thaw, and Resolve into itself a Jew ?

A BUBBLE TOO BAD FOR BARING.

Can anybody of the British nation,
Attempt a railway loan's negotiation,
^ His countrymen in Russian toils ensnaring ?
No firm in England, sure, could be so base,
Let us then hope that such is not the case,
Although reported of the House of Baking.

Since Russian railways clearly are intended,
Troops merely to convey when they are ended,

No one for liberty one button caring,
Would lend a halfpenny for their construction ;
Whence we will venture upon the deduction

That nought has been lent by the House of Baring.

How dreadfully the trade of money-dealing
Must wither every patriotic feeling,

Eor the world's conquest if the Czar, preparing,
By promise of percentage could persuade
Such capitalists his designs to aid,

As the world-famous British House of Baring.

The British merchant throughout all the earth,
Was once renowned for honourable worth,

And still, in spite of late exceptions glaring,
Enjoys a portion of his ancient fame.
But oh ! what would become of his good name,

If Russia's factors were the House of Baring?

And then the usury with which is baited
The Russian hook, is at a figure rated,

Which may be termed comparatively sparing;
Precarious, too, if war should intervene,
To take the Russian loan would, then, how green

Have been of the bamboozled House of Baring.

Invest no money, friends, if you have any,
In foreign undertakings ; not a penny.

How many are of dividends despairing
Who sunk their cash in various foreign bonds !
They might as well have thrown it into ponds,

Not to be thought of by the House of Baring.

In model lodging-houses, and improvements
At home ; or promising colonial movements,

You will take shares, if honourably daring,
But rather lend your rhino to old Scratch,
Than risk it on the bubble, called a catch,

Blown by wild Rumour on the House of Baring.

SOMETHING IN A NAME.

We see that Madame Ortolani is announced as a songstress
at Her Majesty's Theatre: and her name so reminds us of a bird
which we have never as yet thought to be a singing one, that we
feel impelled, as naturalists, to go and hear her. We think we may
expect that, while she is confined to Mr. Lumley's cage, we shall find
her sing more after nightfall than by day: and in this respect at least
we may look to trace in her the nature of the nightingale. But what
a pleasure it would be to us to discover in her voice a further
reason for the parallel, and how we still more should delight to find
in the Italian Ortolan a songstress to remind us of the Swedish
Nightingale !

Small Prophets and Quick Returns.

The extreme uncertainty which the country entertains touching the
principles of a great many members of the new parliament, will
warrant the adapting, in future elections, the inscription on the railway
pay-places—

'Electors are requested to examine their Candidates, and see whether
they are the ticket, before letting them leave the hustings, as no
Mistakes will afterwards be Recognised."