Punch: Punch (32.1857)

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [Mat 2, 1857.

ART-PROGRESS.

Artist (!) " Now, Mum ! Take ore yeb 'ead fob, Sixpence, ok yeb 'ole body eob a Shilltn' ! "

FLOWERS FROM THE WEST.

The preposterous assertion that the inhabitants of the United
States use the English language is one which Mr. Punch has occasion-
ally to refute by quotations from the American press. The other day
he cited an instance where incomprehensibility arose from the peculiar
political slang of the country. Now he proposes to show the style in
which plain men of business discuss their affairs. The following
passage is from a New York Prices Current for the present month,
imagine Mark Lane addressed in these terms :—

" Breadstuffs have been characterised by a considerable decline in free on board
value. This fall, has to a slight extent been neutralised by advance in Freights,
with occasional, spasmodically delusive, pulsations, of abortive speculation. Recent
English advices seemed ominously prognosticative of reclamatory evidence, against
prudence of American Corn Factors, during last six months. Reaction, has not yet
kindled a flame, from these charred embers, of financially speculative shipments.
Apathy pervades our Corn Exchange, and rumours of large purchases, ai-e only
listened to with passive facetiousness, by those who, are technically known here as
American Shippers. Receivers, with profound appreciation of that ' Mille et une
Nuit' magnificence, which since 1853, has surrounded them with a reflective halo of
monetary repletion, nevertheless, now anticipate a lower range of prices at seaboard,
than those hitherto current. Accommodating themselves in all probability to re-
duced lde^s of local Millers, or Speculators, based practically upon reflective fore-
sight, and chaotic anticipation among Consignees at Atlantic seaboard, Farmers
may send their surplus Wheat freely forward Demand for Spain, has at last ceased,
knocking away last monetary supports, of value upon stilts, and inaugurating the
launch of a somewhat crazy vessel, into an Ocean of 'Unrestricted Competition,'
commencing 1st. September, 1857. ' Hannibal ad Portas' is not a pleasant classical
facetia, at this moment, with our 'Patres Conscripti.' Indian Corn is presumedly
the pet article of shippers for a monetary holocaust, to perpetuate fallacious specu-
lations, always resulting in self-castigation."

This kind of beautiful writing has long been used in the composition
of American fashionable novels, but we were not aware, until favoured
by some Liverpool friends with the document whence it is taken,
that the luxurious corn-merchants of New York demand that their
sacks should be wreathed with such towers of loveliness. How-
ever, every nation to its own language. All that we protest against
is, the sentimental assertion that England and America speak one
tongue.

HEADY STUEF.

Our subscribers are advised to draw the attention of any stupid
acquaintance whom they may happen to have, to the notification
following:—

HUNGARY WATER Refreshes the Memory, invigorates the brain,
increases the power of thought; for two centuries its reputation has steadily
advanced till at the present time it has fairly eclipsed all other odorant waters.
2s. a bottle, 10s. 6d. a case of six flacons.

Hungary must be a wonderful country compared to England.
British water simply refreshes the animal system but the water of
Hungary, according to the above advertisement, refreshes the intellect.
Hungary water will perhaps be introduced into the Universities, where
an occasional glass of it may tend to simplify the " Little Go." If
the clergy would take to Hungary water in lieu of port, that improve-
ment of sermons in general just now so greatly desired might ensue.
The new House of Commons might try Hungary water, and then,
perhaps, the speeches of the Members would be less remarkable for
stupidity and dulness than such orations have mostly been heretofore.
We have now arrived at the end of April; and so it is too late for
anybody to make a present which would have been seasonable on the
first of the month; namely, to send a bottle of Hungary water to a
fool.

PUNCH AND THE PUBLIC SERVICE.

The Civil Service Gazette states that a gentleman named Wood,
holding a situation under Government, was questioned respecting a
squib published in Punch, and that, when he found his denial was con-
sidered insufficient to clear him, he committed suicide in despair. We
doubt this story • because the heads of the Government offices must
know that very few of their subordinates are capable of writing any-
thing but a legible hand. If it is true, however, it is an evidence oi
the exercise of no small amount of petty tyranny, and of a considerable
deal of mean injustice on the part of certain officials, whose position in
office may be said to be that of Jack.