Punch: Punch (32.1857)

May 9, 1857.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

189

THE ADMIRALTY AT SEA AGAIN.

here is nothing surprising to
us in the intelligence that
certain of the troops whom
there was such a hurry to em-
bark for China, have met with
a second stoppage in transitu,
the bad ship Transit having put
in at Corunna, we are told, " in
deep distress." The first tale
of this tub informed us how,
soon after starting, she very
nearly foundered on the fluke
of her own anchor, and only
just reached port in time to
save her crew from swimming ;
and now we learn that two days
in the Bay of Biscay have so
thoroughly disabled her that
if she weathers the Cape she will deceive all on board, both soldiers
and blue jackets." The same writer adds, dating from the ship :—

"You may think what she must be when I tell you for a truth that there are not
one dozen men (troops) on board with a dry hammock, every seam in her deck
letting in water."

We may reasonably expect our soldiers to stand fire, but it is not
quite so reasonable for the Admiralty to rely that they are able to
stand water; and unless these seams be stopped, we shall hear that
many of our men have been completely sewn up with them. Of course
if they continue sleeping in wet hammocks, they cannot long escape
the chills which even regimental flesh is heir io; and in ague and
rheumatism they will be attacked by enemies by far more to be feared
than the Chinese, and such as are of all most sure to leave them crippled.

doubt—for Carlyle avouches it—that Cromwell once flashed a look
atter this sort, and some such look, tempered somewhat, we may
expect from John Bright when, mounted on the pedestal, he is
greeted by his friends.

Mr. Layard, it is hoped, will now and then mount one of the
pedestals and give his sentiments upon Persia; they may be used for
the benefit of the House, though for awhile—and only for a while, we
hope—he is denied a seat therein.

When the Education Bill comes on, we earnestly hope that Mr. W.
J. I ox will be found upon one of the pedestals that he may impart his
sentiments on the measure ; in this way, he may still vote ; in this way,
his wisdom and moderation may still assert their Parliamentarv
mfiuence.

Now, we do earnestly hope that these two pedestals will not remain
unoccupied. There are so many excellent men deserving to stand
upon them outside until duly invited to take a seat within.

PROTECTION PROM PETTICOATS.

There is a smack of penny-a-linerism about the following paragraph,
which we quote from the Daily News of the 22nd ult., but the incident
it chronicles appears so extremely likely to take place that our com-
ments may be fairly made as though it really had done so.

"Banger of Crinoltne.—On Wednesday afternoon, a servant was crossing the
Wellington Bridge, Dover, with one child in her arms, and another by her side,
when two ladies, magnified by Crinoline, rustled past, and actually swept the little
toddler into the water."

If this statement be relied on (and we can see no reason why it
shouldn't, save that at the date of its insertion the House of Commons
had not met, and it is when Parliament is not sitting that the invention
of the " liner" is most called into play), we think the circumstance
related should at once be brought before the notice of the Boyal
SoThaWhen^^^ alfthey will be fit "for wiil^beTo j Humane Society, with the view that proper means of rescue be devised

be sent home again as candidates for Chelsea. to be at hand m case ot its recurrence. If ladies.will persist in coming

Now, these breakdowns of the Transit cannot be excused upon the , out such swells and will suffer no curtailment of their perilous pro-
plea of being accidents. There has been in fact such distinct fore-1 P°™°„nsi„ev5^flatter will agree with us that measures must be taken
warning of them, that in strictness their occurrence can be hardly
called fortuitous. Any heads less ligneous than those which consti-
tute an Admiralty board must have been penetrated, by what happened
on that mournful day a twelvemonth since, witli the conviction that
the Transit was in speed a tug of war in which transition was impos

to ensure more efficiently the safety of our children: or they will
probably ere long be so swept off, that Crinoline will seriously affect
the infant census.

As the season for the seaside is again approaching, the hoop petticoat
may prove as fatal as the hooping-cough, and Dover Bridge become a
sible,anTtliaUhewould^ so many "little toddlers" may be daily

day or other, a transit to the bottom. That she should therefore be I ^"^to lL Were^Goveniment Inspectors of Crinoline ap-

selected to convey our troops to China, it was as easy to have pro-
phesied as it would be to predict that, if she be allowed to make
another start, there will follow to a certainty more working at her
pumps; in which case there will be entailed on Mr. Punch more
working of the Pumps in the precincts of Whitehall, which are so
much out of gear that they continually want leathering.

THE TWO PEDESTALS.

Grattan has arrived, but there still remain in St. Stephen's Hall
two vacant pedestals, only ten statues being erected. Surely, a very
good use might be made of these pedestals. Why should they remain
vacant ? Why should they not, for at least a part of the day, be duly
occupied ? It is only a little to anticipate history—nothing more. There
! can be no doubt that, in due time, Mr. Cobden will have a statue; so
will Mr. Bright ; so will Mr. Milker Gibson, if at his own expense he
erects one to his own memory. Mr. Frederick Peel was meant by
nature for a bit of stone ; and he, no doubt in the fulness of time, will
have a statue. Why, then, should not these pedestals be occupied by
these gentlemen and others of the rejected in turn ? Denied a seat, at
least they may be allowed to stand.

Mr. Cobden is on one pedestal, Mr. Milner Gibson is on another.
How old friends gather about them ; how they discuss the measure of
the time ; and how, though out of the House, they make themselves
spiritually felt within! Another day, and may it be an early one, we
have John Bright on the pedestal, John Bright strengthened and
animated by Southern air. There is a new dignity in Bright's
aspect and bearing. And wherefore? Bright has suffered man's
ingratitude ; a suffering we hold to be vitally necessary to the per-
fection of the heroic character. What imparts a gloomy majesty to
Dante, but the ingratitude of the Florentines. What, as we see
them, gives to the chains of Columbus the brightness of sunbeams, but
the ingratitude of Spain. Once upon a time Oliver Cromwell felt
a touch of ingratitude from his otherwise faithful Commons; for
Thomas Carlyle tells us that he, Oliver, "sat_ down with the
mingled look of an injured dove_ and the couchant lion;" a look, no
doubt, not to be painted by any ink soever, and a look, as it appears to
us, extremely difficult to be rendered by the human eye divine, doves
and lions not coming together very kindly. However, there can be no

pointed, and no dress permitted of unsafe circumference, there perhaps
would be less danger of infanticide resulting; or if this be found im-
practicable (and what more than Monster woidd undertake the
Scissqrship ?) we would suggest that, in future, ladies visiting a
watering-place should not be suffered to walk out in the present width
of fashion, unless provided, like a steam-boat, with swimming-corks or
life-preservers, wherewith to save the children they might sweep off
by their contact. Or if toy-balloons were used for the inflation of
their petticoats, the encumbrance of the life-corks perhaps might be
dispensed with; for the balloons might easily be made detachable, and
would doubtless keep a child from drowning until some one arrived
with a fishing-rod and landing-net.

A MILITARY TAILOR,.
There seems to be some mystery in the subjoined advertisement :—

MR. MLLES and the 16s. TROUSERS. The Trousers originated by
him are patent to the world for their Elasticity, Durability, and Superior Cut.

The mystery seems to lie in the name Miles. Is this word mono-
syllabic, and English, or is it dissyllabic and Latin ? In the latter case
does Miles mean common soldier, or Illustrious Pield Marshal,
distinguished for invention in the Army clothing line.

Tittle-Tattle at the Tittle-Tattler's Club.

Tittle. I say, do you know Fred Peel talks of going over to
Australia, or America, or somewhere, to hide his discomfiture ?

Tattle. Nonsense ! Well, if he does, you see he '11 hire the Monster
Ship at Blackwall, and go over all by himself. It won't be any too
big for Bred !____

opposition forces.

Mr. Disraeli is about to deliver a lecture in answer to Professor
Paraday's On the Conservation of Forces. By the kindness of a certain
" party," he will be enabled to give some startling facts On the Con-
servatism of Weakness, which will indisputably prove, as sure as
Palmerston is of a majority, the extreme Weakness of Conservatism.