Punch: Punch (32.1857)

May 16, 1857.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARTVATU 193

T IE NEW MEMBERS' GUIDE TO PARLIAMENT.

O a retired and much
respected ex-M.P.—
a gentleman who a-
dorned the benches of
St. Stephens for nearly
half-a-centiiry—we are
obliged for the fol-
lowing hints on Par-
liamentary etiquette,
that may be very use-
ful in the present ses-
sion, when so many
gentlemen for the first
time, find themselves
law-makers.

It is not allowed to
enter the House with
a cigar in your mouth.
A point was once raised
to try the question of
tobacco by Cornelius
O'Liefey, who passed
the Speaker with, a
short pipe, and was
takou into custody by
the Serjeant-at-Arms
for unconstitutional
smoking. He passed the remainder of the session in the Tower in ease, contempt,
and defiance of his creditors.

Dogs are not admitted, whether muzzled or in a string. An honourable
member had to beg pardon of the honourable assembly for bringing with him a
wire-haired terrier ; he apologised by stating, that he had brought the dog for a
laudable purpose, having observed that the honourable House was much infested
by rats.

' It is permitted to sleep in your seat, but not even to dream that the House of
Commons is a House of the People.

Practical jokes are forbidden. With every facility to pick the public purse, it is
not to be borne that you are, for any purpose whatever, to put your hand in your
neighbour's pocket. * Honest, straightforward political warfare is laudable, but
nothing could be more dastanlb. than the conduct of the Honourable Member for

-—, who in a late session signansed the coat-tails of Mr.
Frederick. Peel, by appending thereto a—muff.

Poiter in the pewter is not allowed; but, if quietly and
judiciousW' effected, there is no rule against any Honour-
able Member blowing out the brains he may have with a
pocket-pistol.

Too much respect cannot be exacted for Mr. Speaker.
Hence, it is considered coarse and unmannerly to disturb
him in his wholesome slumbers. Though, from his official
urbanity, he maybe now and then expected to "'be pleased
with a feather," he is, under no pretence whatever, while
asleep, to be " tickled with a straw."

Oranges to any extent may be consumed; but it is to be

hoped that the example of the late Member for-, will

not be followed; who, to show his contempt for civil and
religious liberty during a debate on the Jews' Disabilities
Bill, entered the House with a net full of lemons. True
wit is always welcome in the House of Commons, but
nothing could be more coarse or shallow than the conduct

of the late Member for-, who, during the Jews' debate,

placed three hats upon the venerable head of Mr.
Spooner.

Any Member is liable to be taken into custody who
strews the floor of the House with detonating balls ; as in
no case, when it can be helped, is a Member to be more
distinguished for noise than sense.

There is no standing order against the custom, but it is
not thought polite to play at cup-and-ball on the back
benches ; or during the Chancellor of the Exchequer's
exposition of his Budget, to blow bubbles of soap-and-
water.

Inscrutable.

The mystery of the following advertisement is so utterly
unfathomable, that in the blankest despair we resign all
attempt at solution:—

rrO obtain Delicate Pork and New Laid Eggs every day,
feed your fowls and pigs ou Fresh Graves.

Is—are - do—fowls—or- but no—pork from fowls—eggs
from pigs—graves—Ghouls—No !—we give the whole thing
up. These are strange times, brethren !

therefrom, under the notice of educated readers. The Greek was very
good Greek for the public-house—accents, and breathings, and circum-
flexes, all elegantly laid on; but the Advertiser claims influence with
members of Parliament and others who have been at College, and
the paper's weight with the Governing Classes must be sadly injured by
this exposure. We think there is a clear case against the Saturday
Review, and strongly recommend immediate proceedings. The help-
lessness of the injured party adds to the cruelty; to say nothing of the
ingratitude of thus treating a journal which, by its own admission, has
saved the country at least nineteen times up to the end of last week.

TRAGEDY IN FLEET STREET.

There will be some fearful work at the approaching quarterly meeting
when the Licensed Witlers edit the editor of their paper, the Morning
Advertiser. That remarkable journal has always foamed, like a full
pot of newly-drawn ale, against Popery and Puseyism, though, by a
curious paradox, the Tiser1 s Protestantism has usually seemed without
a Head to it. But that zeal which is not according to knowledge,
especially the knowledge of the classic languages, sometimes leads
people into difficulties, and the Advertiser's Random Becollections of
the Greek Alphabet have been so random as to help the journal into
one of the most unseemly scrapes on record.

A ludicrous theory advanced by one of the gushing writers in the
Tiser, and intended to bring certain Puseyite practices into con-
tempt, excited the malice of "some persons unknown," but sup-
posed to be clerical contributors to the Saturday Review. They sent
the editor of the Tiser, in support of his view, a series of letters, in
which mock authorities were paraded, mock references given, and
at last, the innocent organ c' Bungdom unsuspectingly inserting the
wicked epistles, the victimiseis finished off with an Italian's communi-
cation of a passage in Greek, " erroneously attributed to Athen^eus."
Schoolboys, until birched for their irreverence, have a habit of chanting
a lay setting forth that

" Nfbuchadnezzar,

The King of the Jews,
Had three pair of stockings,
And four pair of shoes."

The Saturday Review (which possibly knows better than anybody
else) thinks that this verse, or one of its variations, suggested the Greek
quotation erroneously attributed to Athen^ees ; but be this upon the
conscience of the reverend hoaxers. The Advertiser gave in its best
type the Greek thus supposed to be suggested, and which was advanced
as an anti-Puseyite argument. There it stands, in the journal, and we ,

have not even heard^hat this time the proprietors have sought to efface Editors who have Seen the World,

the memorial of a betise by buying up the copies in circulation. The Grand Duke Constantlne has brought with him to Pans

What will the quarterly meeting of Witlers say to this? Mr. editors of the principal newspapers at St. Petersburg, Moscow, and
Punch recommends an action against the Saturday Review, which has Odessa. By the orders of the Emperor they have been placed in the
reprinted the whole set of letters with the most mischievous care, and office of the Moniteur, and are under due tuition, making very great
thereby brought the victimisation, and the inferences to be drawn I progress backwards. A little more and they will step into chaos.

KILLING TIME BY INCHES.

The subjoined interesting case is extracted from the Law Report
of the Times:—

"oorrisen v. perr1n."

" This case. *'"e argument in which has partly occupied four days, was concluded
to-day. The ^ .^stiun raised was what was the meaning, in a contract, of 'a bale
of gambier.' Mr. Wilde, Q.C., and Mr. Blackburn, were heard in support nf
the rule for a new trial obtained by Mr. Serjbant Btlks, with whom was
Mr. Honeyman.

" The argument occupied nearly the whole day.

" The Court took, tune to consider its judgment."

What a bale is, most people know, but few, probably, have any idea
of what gambier is, nor would care to have any, if they thought that
counsel would take four days to explain the nature of that article to
them, and that they themselves would have to take an indefinite time
afterwards to consider the explanation. The case was argued before
the Court of Common Pleas. If the prolix argument maintained in
Gorrisen v. Perrin, is a common kind of plea, the unhappy Court,
to which such pleas are common, is deserving of the 'itmost
compassion.

Vol. 32.

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