Punch: Punch (32.1857)

230

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

[June 6, 1857.

pleasantest people are not coupled together, how unfair that is to

the pleasant people. Your round table is the only true social alms-! STANZAS TO SOAPEY SAM.

dish, into winch every one present flings his contribution towards the |

pleasure of the feast—from the ten talents of the Sidney Smith of Tell me, Bishop, tell me why,

your party, if you are lucky enough to have one, down to the widow's If you had your little will,

mite of the timidest and gentlest lady present—a little laugh, perhaps, You M keep bound, in cruel tie,

or happy look, thrown in at the right moment, and of immeasurable Injured spouse and false wife still?

value sometimes.

" As all the rays of light converge in the focus of a lens, so all the
fun, geniality, kindliness, and wisdom of your guests will converge in
the centre of the round-table, and pleasure and enjoyment and intelli-
gence will radiate thence till they permeate the party, and people will Ruthless of his horrid state,
be astonished to find how agreeable and cheery and chatty and good-1 Which your priestly laws enforce;
humoured they are, somehow. My two theories, then, of ' no pairing'
and _' the round table' go together. But I must say I hold them both
of vital importance to the true enjoyment of a social dinner.

" But what is this ? I am off the Social Tread-mill. The fact is,
that a sufferer naturally wanders into sunny social speculations in the And if you, of high pretence,

ten minutes allowed for refreshment, just as the gaol convicts, I have Give an inch, will take an ell ?

no doubt, stray away in fancy to pleasant public-houses, or delightfully
criminal beer-shops, in their hourly ten minutes respite from their
cranks and mills. But I must mount the wheel again, with the Kotoo
chain-gang. We are just sitting down—at such a gorgeous table !
It is bedizened with flowers - a la Russe—and so long, that conversation
between the ends can only be carried on, I should think, by help of a
speaking-trumpet. Luckily Kotoo and his wife have the marital
telegraph of the eye. It will be hard worked during this dinner, I am
certain. We have sat down—solemnly. Pray for us, oh reader! "

Wiy oppose Lord Cranwortti's Bill?

From a loathed and guilty mate,
Why refuse a man divorce,

Union with a moral corse ?

Do you fear that common sense
'Gainst vour dogmas will rebel,

Ah! I don't expect you'll tell.

In a bad old canon law,
Do you see a little prop

To your fabric—which withdraw,
And the edifice will drop ?
Are you fighting for the Shop.

COMICALITIES OF THE POPE'S PROGRESS.

Were't now first proposed to free

Until now enslaved Dissent,
Would you not, my Bishop, be
With the measure "non content? '
Say, my Peer of Parliament.

he Pope's tour through- Had you lived in other days,

out the Roman states has Question being, That no more

of course, been attended
with some absurd incidents.
For example :—

" At Terni he visited the large
foundry of that place, where
several medals with the effigies

Faggots should in Smithfield blaze,
You'd have urged, of holy lore,
For the bonfires, what a store !

tlXS^p™^}™* 1 THE UMBRELLOMETER.

werecas m s presence. We think the umbrella can be taken as a very good test of a person's

What extremely bad character. The man who always takes an umbrella out with him, is
t aste ! Out for a holiday, , a cautious fellow, who abstains from all speculation, and is pretty sure
the Pope must have been ! to die rich. The man who is always leaving his umbrella behind him,
naturally desirous of seeing is one, generally, who makes no provision for the morrow. He is
and hearing as little as pos-, reckless, thoughtless, always late for the train, leaves the street-door
sible of the shop, and no-1 open when he goes home late at night, and absent to such a degree as
body possessed of the least I to speak ill of a baby in the presence of its Mamma. The man who is

always losing his umbrella is an unlucky dog, whose bills are always
protested, whose boots split, whose gloves crack, whose buttons are
always coming off, whose "change" is sure to have some bad money
would forbid the slightest in it. Be cautious how you lend a thousand pounds to such a man!
allusion to that subject in the presence of the Roman Pontiff, precisely I The man, who is perpetually expressing a nervous anxiety about
as they would prohibit any gentleman from talking to a shoemaker,! his umbrella, and wondering if it is safe, is full of meanness and low
away from business, about bristles and cobbler's-wax. To proceed :— suspicions, with whom it is best not to play at cards, nor drink a bottle

" When about to leave that place, some young men of the best families offered to 0f wine He is Sure to Suspect yOU are cheating him, Or that you

take the horses off-his carriage, and to draw it, but this he would not allow." ^ arg linking more than your share. Let him be ever so rich, give not
Here was a case of good taste on the part of the Pope, which it is your daughter to him ; he will undoubtedly take more care of
pleasing to notice. He preferred horses to donkeys. At Spoleto a j his umbrella than of his wife. The man with a cotton umbrella is
mistake, similar to that committed at Terni, was made by the autho- j either a philosopher or an economist; he defies the world and all its
rities, who stuck up, right in his way, before the cathedral, " a large i fashionable prejudices, or else he does it because it is cheaper to lose

delicacy would have both
ered his Holiness with
images. Good manners

wooden column surmounted by the statue of the Immaculate Virgin."
No doubt the Pope wonders when he shall hear the last of his new
dogma. The muffs who paid him the left-handed compliment last
mentioned received a just reward for their polite attention:—

" On alighting, he proceeded on foot to the Cathedral, and thence to the Episcopal
Palace, where he admitted all the authorities to the honour of kissing his slipper."

The Giornale di Roma, whence we derive the foregoing particulars,
does not state whether or no, when the Pope gave the authorities of
Spoleto his slipper to kiss, his foot was in the slipper. We suppose,
however, that to make the favour the more gracious, and the more
suitable, as a repayment somewhat in kind of the civility which he had
received from them—his Holiness did put his foot in it.

than a silk one. The man who goes to the Horticultural Fete without
an umbrella, is simply a fool, who richly deserves the ducking
he gets.

Fire Insurance.

Madame Cornichon {nee Simple), after reading the accounts of
the fire-proof dresses as lately tried with so much success by the
Pompiers at Paris, ordered a gown, bonnet, veil, and an entire set of
under-linen to be expressly made for her, and, upon being pressed for
her reason for so strange an order, said, with the greatest naivete,

Why the world, you know, is to be consumed by the Comet on the
13th of June, and I've no idea of being burnt to death."

A WARRIOR IN ARMS.

Mention is made in Tristram Shandy of an infant so precocious,
that it composed a work the very day that it was born. The last addition
to the domestic happiness of the Emperor of Russia appears to be
some such another little prodigy; for among continental intelligence
we find it recorded that—

" a letter from St. Petersburg, of the 15th, states that the new-born Grand Duke
has been named Chief of the 2nd Battalion of Riflemen of Infantry of Tobolsk."

What a big baby must we suppose the new-born Grand Duke to be,
or what little soldiers must we imagine the Tobolsk Riflemen! Cm
the latter supposition, it will perhaps be surmised that the head
quarters of that Infantry Regiment are situated up-stairs.

Young Sprawler's notion of Cafe au laii is—breakfasting iti
bed.