Punch: Punch (32.1857)

June 6, 1857.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

231

MEDICINE UNDER THE MAINE LAW.

DMIBABLE PUNCH,—" WHAT

wine will you take; aloes or
iron ? I do not put this
question to you personally,
as though I were sitting next
you at a sanatorium house-
dinner ; but there are cases
in which it might be very
properly asked; in short, sir,
wine is used in medicine.

EXETER HALL IN PARLIAMENT.

Lord Dungannon, in the Lords, inquired whether Bishops, and
other members of the Established Church can lawfully preach in
Exeter Hall, or in any other place not duly consecrated.

The Bishop of London made answer, and said that under the Earl
of Shaftesbury's Act, all places were alike consecrated to the uses of
the Established Church.

Lord Kinnaird expressed himself very much delighted with the
intelligence.

c The Archbishop of Canterbury thought it would not be wise to
"check these innovations." Further, his Grace could not imagine
that any greater reproach or disparagement could be cast upon the
Church than to suppose "that it was incapable of accommodating itself
to the changing necessities of the age."

All this is very cheering; very delightful; and Mr. Spurgeon com-
placently rubs the hands of his soul, and his soul meekly whispers, " /
have done this." And, it may be so. Spurgeon sets up his tent here
and there, and with blatant trumpet calls in the stragglers. The
Bishops, a little startled by the very vulgar noise, mildly inquire,
"What is all this pother about?" And they are straightway told
that the noise is made by an unestablished prophet, who has had no
hand laid upon him; that, such is the volume of his trumpet it reaches
through all sorts of winding streets ; into courts, and up alleys,—and,
more than that, even into the boudoirs of duchesses !

And the Bishops, almost with one accord, say, " Dear brethren, this
will never do. To meet the changing necessities of the age, the
Established Church must become a Church Itinerant. Hence, for a
time, Exeter Hall may be even as St. Paul's, and Canterbury Hall even
as Canterbury Cathedral. Henceforth the preacher shall make the
building, and not the budding the preacher ! "

It is saidthat, a few days since, the Bishop op Exeter was seen in
the Zoological Gardens, in deep conference with Mr. Secretary
Mitchell. The Bishop was heard to say, "he thought the pulpit

wine, and other medicated
wines the only wines used.
Physicians frequently pre-
scribe " Vin: Alb: Hispan:"
and " Vin: Rub: " abbre-
viations of Vinum Album
Hispanicum and Vinum
Rubrum; in the vernacular,
Port and Sherry. Medicine,
you will perhaps think, sup-
poses that there is no white
Spanish wine but Sherry,
that all Sherry is white, and
that there is no red wine in
the world except Port. The
Port generally dispensed is,
indeed, a red wine, but a
much better name for it than
Vinum Rubrum would he Vinum Hmmdtoxylo-Campechianicum, or Vinum
Pruni Spinosee Cpmpositum. Your non-professional readers may—some
of them—require to be informed that Haematoxylon Campechianum is

what Botany calls Logwood, and that Prunus Spinosa is the denomi- j ought not to.be pitched too near the hippopotamus."
nation which she applies to the Sloe. The Compound Spirit of Juniper j _
is one of the preparations in the Pharmacopoeia. Brandv is adminis-
tered in cases of debility. Barclay and Perkins's Entire, and other; THE DUE OE PROCTORS AND DOCTORS,
forms of porter, are often ordered under the name of Cerevisia Lonai-

nensis—Dublin and Guinness being illiberally ignored by the London | It is very hard to have the business by which one subsists destroyed.
Faculty. ... ' If the legislature abolishes anybody's trade, and does not indemnify

"Question! do youcry, Sir? Well, the question is this—Whether, him, his is a cruel case. If the trade is rather a curse to the com-
if wine, beer, and spirits, are physic, the Legislature would do wisely j munity, still, so long as it is legal and not contraband, there seems to
to allow the Hon. Neal Dow to persuade it to prohibit their sale by a j be son e injustice in ousting him from it without making him certain
Maine Liquor Law ? Whether the utmost length they could go with amends. Therefore, the feeling mind will recognise a glimmering of
Mr. Dow would not be to place the sale of exhilarating liquors under reason in a question propounded to the Lord Chancellor by the
the same conditions with that of physic? That arrangement would I Earl of Malm esbury, on presenting a petition from the proctors of
render those liquors procurable only at druggists'_ shops. But then j Doctors' Commons against the Probate and Administration Bill—a
arises the further question, who is to prescribe them ? When a patient. petition signed by 87 out of 104 proctors, setting forth that the BUI,
is_ attacked by symptoms which indicate the exhibition of a glass of if passed, would cut down their gains from £90,000 to £15,000 a year,
wine, he may not always be able to find a medical man to write him a Supposing—out of abundant charity—that there was no humbug in this
prescription for the remedy. Suppose, for instance, he is diningat a | representation, we say that Lord Malmesbury did not ask an alto-
chop-house when seized with those symptoms? This supposition gether foolish question, when, according to Parliamentary Intelligence,—

would be SO frequently realised, that it would be necessary to have a <.He wished to ask the noble and learned Lord on the woolsack, whether he did
medical waiter in attendance, if wine, ale, Stout, brandy, whiskey, ! not think it proper to give some compensation to the proctors and their articled

rum, and gin were to be obtainable only by the prescription of clerks, who had paid £800, or £iooo each upon being articled r-
a quabfied practitioner. Convenience would require the establishment i No doubt, so long as the Testamentary Law^ remains in its present
of a druggist's shop next door, where negus might be ' put up,' and . abominable state, proctors are necessary evils, and to annul the
punch compounded, according to the recipe of the medical waiter. It proctor's vocation without compensating the proctor, would not be
would also be his business to regulate the dose; but in practice—in giving the devil his due. But if the devil is to have his due, in the

medical practice of this kind—the dose would, no doubt, be adapted
rather to the desire than to the constitution of the invalid. The
dose would be determined with reference, simply, to the medical
waiter's fee.

sense of compensation for the reform which enables society to dispense
with him ; much rather ought the ministering angel to be duly indem-
nified for any loss which he may suffer through the removal of the need
for his ministration. When, therefore, a knacker's establishment is

"Besides, Mr. Punch, it would be very absurd to subject the trade suppressed, slaughter-houses are banished, pig-styes removed, cesspools
in stimulating liquors to greater restrictions than those which affect j filled up, open drains bricked over, or any other nuisances abated in any
the trade in depressing medicines. A drachm too much of Epsom salts : locality, according to statute in such cases made and provided, a sum
might be taken, as well as a drop too much of Alton ale, and with more equivalent to the diminution of practice which may oe expected to
lamentable consequences ; and black dose, in excess, would be at least! result from such sanatory operations ought to be distributed amongst
as pernicious as black strap. _ Alcoholic drink would have to be placed I all the neighbouring medical men.

on the same footing as faimly medicine: therein the law would be___

obliged to leave the patient to minister to himself; the publican's'

business would be amalgamated with that of the chemist and druggist, : MAKING LIGHT OF BUSINESS,

the pharmaceutical establishment would expand into the gin-palace, .
and 'Medical Hall' would flourish under the auspices of the 'Jolly! Loyalty never burns so brightly as wnen it burns in gas. The
Gardeners.' Nay, a beer-engine would have to be added to the j official birth-day of our beloved Queen is, we think, on the 26th of

appliances of the ' Surgery' annexed to the handsome residence and
appertaining to the immense practice of your humble servant,
<: Haustus House, June, 1857." "Statim Sumendus."

Liberality of the Age.—Street Merchant {with a trap of tooth-
picks before him). " Here you are ! Three a penny! Toothpicks ! Three
a penny ! Pick and try 'em, before you buy 'em !"

May; on which occasion, the commercial and trading bosom generally
labours with some new device that may beautifully combine the affec-
tion of a subject with the mainchance of a shopkeeper ! " God Bless
the Queen and the Prince !" is shown in a burning row along a
quarter of an acre of tailor's frontage. But what is in the shadow?
The brilbant benison is the red cabbage; but " the Paradise Paletot,
price next to nothing," is the tador under it.

" Long to reign over us !" Uluminates another shopkeeper ; and we
read by that light—" Alpaca Umbrellas, at 3s. 2d."