Punch: Punch (32.1857)

232 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. V™* 6, 1857.

ASTOUNDING ANNOUNCEMENT FROM THE SMALL COUNTRY BUTCHER

(WHO DOES NOT OFTEN KILL HIS OWN MEAT).
Maid. "Please, Ma'am, Mr. Skewer says he's a-Going to Kill Hisself this Week, a?® will you have a Joint?;

"OUR ISTHMIAN GAMES."

Henceforth to talk of " the Derby Day " will be vulgar. In due
courtesy to Lord Palmerston, polite society will always say—"Isth-
mian Games." Neptune had his horses, and Britannia has hers. We
trust, however, that the games solemnised on the Isthmus of Corinth,
were less costly than the races on the Epsom sward. Indeed, we
believe that we are not premature in announcing the existence of a
society, whose purpose it is, to abolish Epsom, Ascot, Newmarket,
Doncaster, and so forth. Indeed, all horse-racing is to be put down in
deference to public morals. It will be proved at the first meeting that
the horse, naturally a noble beast, is perverted to the basest purposes :
that, under certain discipline well known in " the stables," the horse is
taught to pick pockets ; and, in fact, as will be proved, to suggest
suicide. _ It is all very well to talk of the holiday that—to speak in an
old-fashioned way—the Derby Day gives to tens of thousands; but the
chicanery, the deceit, the swindling, that is carried on under the
equine excuse, the horse being, in fact, no more than a stalking-horse
to fraud and robbery, is altogether destructive of pubbc morals.
Attempt to regulate horse-racing according to Christian principles, and
the Derby Day must inevitably be a dies non. In fact, there is an
enthusiastic party that advocates the total extinguishment of the breed
and use of the horse throughout the British Isles. The horse is made
the means of making men knaves and fools, rogues and simpletons;
the horse has driven men to self-murder, and it will be to the benefit of
the world that the horse should become extinct.

We understand that this society will be earnestly joined by the tee-

THE WREATH OP VETERAN COLONELS.

The use of much strong language in senior military circles is sup-
posed to have been occasioned by the following passage in the Time/
account of a review, held on the Queen's birthday, at Aldershott :—

"Nearly the whole of the troops now wear the uniforms contracted for by the
Government, and not by the regimental Colonels. The importance of having super-
seded the latter gtillant clothiers is manifested in the altered appearance of the men.
Their coats are of beautiful material, the privates wearing the cloth formerly given
only to sergeants, while the sergeants have the same as the commissioned officers.
Yesterday one or two men could be discerned still dressed m the old brick-coloured
baize, and having an indescribably dingy appearance among their well clad
comrades."

The perusal of what looks very much like positive proof that very
many of the old clothing Colonels not only stooped to> be tailors, but
also condescended to be dishonest tailors, must naturally make numerous
old Colonels very angry. Those veterans may be excused for indulging
in some violence of expression, disgusted and indignant as they must
feel to find their laurels intertwined with cabbage.

Logarithms-Loggerheads,

To an ancestor of the Napiers the world owes logarithms ; his fame
is well-known and widely acknowledged. But there is another Napier
whose reputation has been shamefully slighted, and that is the
Napier who first discovered loggerheads. His fame has never been
properly allowed by the world at large; but this we must say, in praise

""UGiouaim uiiciu mis society win oe earnestly lomea ov me tee- , , », m, ■ ,. " i» „™™„;^;a^ nf tV,» mori+«

totallers. As some men are drunkards, so is it necessary that no man | °} f hls descendants. They, with a ®f appref ^on of t^mente
should be allowed to drink : so is it necessary that vineyards should be I +°,f their ^cestpr, have always done their best to pay due homage to
grubbed up all over the world, and all over the world planted with the , ™e memory of his discovery This debghtWTact^we hold admitsot
temperate potato. As men rob and cheat by means of races, so shall 110 dff > or ne™r J6*.dld *hf ?£5™L ^ ^ ^b J 7
there be an end of all running horses ; nay, the very breed of horses, matter but loggerheads immediately followed.

even as the very growth of grapes, shall be prohibited. -~~

We think the two societies worthy of one another, and wish them all! How a Lady may always look young.—By getting a fashionable
the success they mutually deserve.; i artist to take her portrait.