Punch: Punch (32.1857)

252 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [Joms 20, 1857.

Ye MOST PLEASAUNTE DREAME OF CCELEBS

YE CAMBRIDGE FELLOWE.

A Fellowe it was of Trinitye,

And he laye on y" grassye grounde,

On y* hither ripe of ye muddy Cam,
In a dreamye summer swound.

Like ye nalus pastor dormivit he

Supinus lay and snored;
And he slept soe sounde, it was plaine to see

With his bedde he was not bored.

A resident Feliowe he was, I wis,

He had no cure of soules ;
And across ye Bridge of Sues * he'd come

From playinge ye game of bowles.

And now, aweary, he laye and slept.

As lazye as was the river;
And ye limes made a shadye networke

About his heade to quiver.

Ho! Feliowe, what are your thoughts, I aske :
Ho ! Feliowe, what do you dreame ?

He dreameth, alas ! what comes not to pass
On y* banks of that sluggish streame.

He dreams of a bright-eyed, browne-haired girl,

Sprightly and gleesome enow,
Who, in an aunciente Rectorye house,

Is keepynge their trewe love vowe.

She has waited and watched for wearye yeares,—
'Tis a longe engagemente, I ween;

And her face doth 'gin to pale and to thin,—
Though not by her it is seen.

Yet others are quicke to mark what Care,
And anxious Waitinge have done;

Others can trace in her patiente face
Ye wrecke that Time hath begunne.

She has no fortune, save herseis,
Though that is a treasure, I trow,

Yet not enow for ye keepynge of house,
As times and taxes goe.

* Vulgariter, Sighs.

And he nas nought but his Fellowshippe,
And not marrye on that he maye;

For gin he marries, his Fellowshippe,
He loses for ever and aye.

And soe they are in a dysmal plyghte,—
Tethered and tyed to a stake,—

Bound by a vowe, like an iron chayne
That they may not snappe, or breake.

Ho! Feliowe, why starteth thou now in thy
sleepe ?

Is ye gadde-flye styngynge thy nose ?
Not soe; for he smyleth; and gadde-flyes'
stynges

Arc productive of cruelle woes.

'Tis a pleasaunte fancye that haunts his dreame;

Ye Fellowes, their prayer hath been hearde,
And Heads of Housen, and Vice-Chancellere

In judgemente goode have concurred.

It hath been decreede, that ye Fellowes may
wed,

And settle in College walls ;
And wake ye echoes of cloistered lyfe,
With their lyttel chyldrens' squalls.

And Ccelebs seeth that brown-haired girl,

No longer wan and dree;
But buxomme, and blythe, and debonaire,

Converted to Mystress C.

He seeth her seated in easye chaire—

A sunbeame amid ye gloome—
Braydynge a lyttel Babye its cappe,

AH within ye College roome.

He seeth her walkynge in College courtes,

Admyred of all spectators,
With her olyve branches buddynge arounde,

Or stuck in perambulators.

Wives and childrenne of Fellowes, he sees,
Swarmynge ye classic shades.

While, with many a laughe, ye studentes chaffe
Ye prettye nurserye maydes.

Ye Trinitye Feliowe giveth a starte ;

Too brighte the vision doth seem !
And Ccelebs waketh to bachelor life,

And finds his marriage a dreame.

OBJECTS AT THE DRAWING-BOOM.

The Court Newsman informs us that, on
Saturday last,

" Before the Drawing Room, Her Majesty, accord-
ing to custom, received a deputation from Christ's
Hospital in the Throne Room."

We further learn from the courtly journalist,
that the deputation included forty boys of the
Royal Mathematical School, founded by King
Chakles the Second. Of course these
scholars appeared before Her Majesty in
full dress, which, if similar to that of the
other Bluecoat boys, may have been com-
pared by the Queen with the costume of the
adult members of the deputation, and then
our gracious Sovereign may have experienced
some difficulty in deciding whether the old
gentlemen in their civic gowns and Court
liveries, or the young ones in their petticoats
and yellow stockings, presented the more
ridiculous appearance.

THE LAST RESOURCE.

Father [expostulating with his son). "James,
I am grieved beyond expression to see the
cruel way in which you have been going on
lately. 1 have tried you at everything, and
you have failed in everything. I put you in a
merchant's offioe, and you were ignominiously
sent about your business. I bought you a
commission m the Army, and you were very
quickly recommended to sell out. In despair,
I started you as a coal and wine merchant and
general commission agent, but you didn't clear
sufficient to pay for your boots and shoes. At
last I got you a lucrative post in a Mutual
Phdanthropic Loan Office, but even they
wouldn't have anything to do with you. It's
painfully clear, to my mind, James, that you
are not fit for anything. Under these circum-
stances, there is but one thing left now—/
must get you a situation under Government! "

Superfluous Talent.

A Blue Book relative to the Civil Service
Examinations contains a statement that a
certain candidate for the appointment of letter-
carrier distinguished himself by his proficiency
in logarithms. What recommendation that
proficiency could be to a letter-carrier it is
not easy to understand. Letters are employed
in logarithms, but for a letter-carrier we do
not want a man who can carry letters in his
head, but one who carries _ his letters in a bag,
and conveys them as quickly as possible to
their destinations.

A QUESTION OF PLACE.

An advertising dentist describes himself as
" formerly with the eminent Mr. . Cart-
wright." This statement needs some ex-
planation. Representing himself to have
''been with" the gentleman in question, he
ought to have mentioned in what capacity.

rrHE GRAND FOUNTAINS in Trafalgar
J- Square will play unfortunately every day next
week. No extra charge. N.B. A German green baize
band plays on the Terrace generally about Four o'clock.
Refreshments may be had at the various apple-stalls at
the south and north-eastern corners. Omnibuses pass
everv minute.