Punch (44.1863)

June 20, 1863.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

251

HIS IMPERIAL REVERENCE.

ccording to the Corre-
spondent of the Morning
Post at Rome, the Empe-
ror OF THE FRENCH,
having stepped into the
shoes of the Kings of
Erance, has also inducted
himself into a bit of
Church preferment which
their Majesties had en-
joyed ever since the bap-
tism of Clovis; but which
was resigned by Louis
Philippe, for a sensible
if shabby reason. It was
a benefice distinguished
by the peculiarity of an
income paid not by the
Church to the incum-
bent, but by him to the
Church. This payment,
formerly consisting of the
revenues of a Erench
abbey, which Napoleon
the Eibst sold, was after-
wards commuted to 1,000
louis per annum. The
ecclesiastical dignity, for
succession whereunto
Charles the Tenth
gave that consideration,
is that of Eirst Canon of
the Chapter of St. John
Lateran. And now, we
learn from the informant
above-named:—

“ About a month ago,

Napoleon the Third wrote to Cardinal Altiebi, Archpriest of St. John Lateran, announcing his intention
of resuming the title of canon, and of sending 20,000 francs a-year to the chapter in lieu of the abbey rents.”

The Pope, with whom it must rest to accept or reject this offer, must have some difficulty
in permitting the Emperor of the Erench to resume what lie never relinquished. Eor
surely the eldest Son of the Church, in the conscientious judgment of his Holiness, is tfie

personage who calls himself Henrt the Eifth,
Napoleon the Third can, on the Pope’s prin-
ciple, which is that of legitimacy, be no more 1 he
Eldest Son of the Church than Victor-Em-
manuel is King of Italy. If he is not the true
Eldest Son of the Church, he ought not to be
one of its Fathers. But we shouldn’t at all
wonder if the Holy Father, Pio Nono, were
to ignore the legitimate Eldest Son, and grant the
claimant of hereditary canonry canonical induc-
tion. Eor, reading on, we find the remark that:

“It is a curious fact that the Church of St. John
Lateran possesses property in Ascoli, which the Italian
Government took possession of lately, but the Emperob
has protested against this act, saying the property be-
longed to his canonicate.”

Vindication of Church property secularised
by the Italian Government is not unlikely to
atone, in the view of the Pope, for that occu-
pancy of one Bourbon’s throne which, in the case
of another Bourbon’s throne, his Holiness treats
as usurpation. Then, does not the Elect of the
Erench people protect the Sovereign Pontiff
against the universal suffrage of the Roman
people P Lastly, 20,000 francs a-year are not to
be sneezed at. So the Pope will perhaps, bolt
scruples, consent to crown his Imperial Majesty
with a shovel hat at least, and give himself a dis-
pensation to admit the ecclesiastical claims of
the Rev. Louis Napoleon. A Sovereign so
well up in artillery may be fit to be made an
actual canon. If he is, we shall go and hear the
Reverend Emperor preach.

Geographical.

The Royal Geographical Society have decided
that henceforth none but jeering and sneering
people should live at Taunt-on. Also it has
been settled that any Eastern Traveller wishing
to make short journeys should take up his resi-
dence at Trip-oli.

Commercial.—1The Traveller for a Large
House is not necessarily a journey-man.

SCHEME EOR A CERTIFICATE-SYSTEM.

In this Cardigan and Caltiiorpe affair, Mr. Punch affirms the
judgment of his friend, Sir Alexander Cockburn. Lord Cardigan
was a hero in the Balaklava charge, and it is remarkable, and not
creditable to any of the parties, that they did not at once settle the
matter by referring to a picture, which Mr. Punch himself published
soon after the battle, and wherein the Earl of Cardigan is shown
doing his duty like an English officer. Thus the parties might instantly
have arrived at the conclusion at which they have been able to get by
the costly and circuitous process of law. However, there the business
ends, and Lord Cardigan had better get somebody to make him a
large copy in oil of Mr. Punch's cartoon, and hang it up at Dean Park
for the certitude of posterity.

But in connection with this case a bright idea, as usual, occurs to
Mr. Punch. By a recent law, people who are in doubt, or who appre-
hend future doubts about their pedigrees are entitled, on proper
application and on proper evidence, to obtain a Declaration of Legiti-
macy from a Court of Record. History being so very uncertain, why
should not this salutary law be extended, and why shoidd not any one
be enabled to obtain a legal Declaration of his Heroism, his Genius, his
Elegant Appearance, his Skill at Cricket, his Fascination of the Female,
or any other good gift or grace for which he wishes to be celebrated
hereafter? Such Declaration, which would be a sort of canonisation,
must only be obtained on the strongest grounds, and on the witness of
credible and knowing parties, and we might even, alter the Pope’s
fashion, appoint a Devil’s Advocate, whose business it should be to
contest the facts, and show that the person was a coward, a dolt, a
clown, a butter-fingers, or a woman-hater. But the Court should give
its decision as it has done in Lord Cardigan’s case, and then the
future historian would have nothing to do but to consult the files of the
Court, which had better be confided to Mr. NofiL Salisbury to index
and digest in the masterly way in which he has treated other of our
records. Will Lord Westbury introduce a Bill for this purpose ?

The Principal Herb used this year in the Loving Cup at
Guildhall.—RosE-Mayory.

A HOUSEBREAKER IN THE POLICE EORCE.

We have heard of policemen turning pickpockets sometimes, but it
certainly is new to us to hear of one committing burglary. Some-
thing vastly like this was however done the other day at Dalton, on the
premises of an inn-keeper who was summoned for permitting men to
gamble in his house, a charge which was dismissed when brouglit before
the bench. How the evidence in support of the charge had been col-
lected, the burglar in policeman’s clothing thus described:—

“ Bablow. I got a bench, and a barrel, and then on the pump, and on an out-
building, and through the club-room window.

“The Chairman. Was it open?

“ Bablow. No, I got a knife and put back the fastening, and opened it. That is
the way I got in.”

One would think that this police-constable—or we should rather say
police cracksman—must in his younger days have served as an appren-
tice to a housebreaker, for he seems to be accomplished in the art of
cracking a crib. How far the law may justify such open acts of bur-
glary, we leave lawyers to decide: but no amount of law can make us
look upon such burglaries as things which should be otherwise than
viewed with deep disgust. The game of “ Eye Spy Eye,” as played
by the police must be kept to proper rules and reasonable limits : and
though the players be allowed at times to peep through a keyhole, they
must not be permitted to break into a house.

Midas in a Mitre.

The Bishop of Rochester forbids his clergy to shave, shoot, or
play at cricket, and prohibits the Rev. Mr. Davies from preaching, for
the offence of agriculture ! The Right Rev. Prelate is supposed to be
weak in Hebrew and German; and it may be feared that he has little
Latin and less Greek. His Lordship should eschew tyranny and take
to learning, lest it should be said that the Bishop of Rochester is
an absolute dunce.

Definition (by a Cremorne Criminal).—Kicking up a Bobbery
may be defined as getting into a row with the Police.