Punch (45.1863)

July 18, 1863.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

29

the Yankees’ belief that they accomplished their secession
from England by simple conquest; triumphant superiorit y
in arms. To hold the anniversary of successful insurrection,
not to say rebellion, in the very den of the British Lion,
treading on his tail, and gently poking him with a playful
boot-tip, is to compliment that noble animal with credit for
some magnanimity. The British residents in Paris would
hardly have the confiding generosity, and the taste, in like
manner to celebr&te the return-day of the Battle of
Waterloo in the Erench capital.

We pause here to ask, whether the Confederates do
not, as they reasonably may, repeat the Yankee boast above-
quoted with brag additional F Have they not begun to say,
“ The Britishers whipped all the world, the Yankees whipped
the Britishers, and we whipped the Yankees ? ” Not yet,
perhaps. Averse to indulgence in premature exultation
they may reserve that saying for Independence Day No. 2.

The foregoing paragraph informs us that on Saturday last
the flag of the United States was hoisted on the summit
of certain buildings. Shouldn’t it have been hoisted hall
mast high ?

INDEPENDENCE DAY IN ENGLAND.

he truth of the saying, that
there is a time and a place lor
all things is exemplified by
the subjoined item of the past
week’s news:—

“ Anniversary of American
Independence.—On Saturday last
this anniversary was celebrated in
London in the usual manner.
The office of the consulate was
closed; the flag of the United
States was hoisted on the summit
of the buildings, and a large num-
ber of American gentlemen dined
together in the evening. The
ships belonging to Northern ports
now lying in the docks were gaily
decorated in commemoration of
the occasion.”

The time for celebrating
the anniversary of American
Independence is of course
the Fourth of July. The
place of all places out of the
Southern States was, on this
last occasion, certainly Lon-
don. Here at least our
Northern guests are not
fighting to keep the South-
erners under the domination
of Abraham Lincoln, as
our forefathers fought to re-
tain American colonists sub-
ject to that of George the
Third. Within the limits of
this metropolis and this king-
dom, at any rate, they are not
exhibiting a spectacle of inconsistency marvellous in the eyes of almost everybody
but Messrs. Bright & Cobden.

There was also something peculiarly graceful in celebrating “Independence
Day ” in London. “ The Britishers whipped all the world, and we whipped the
Britishers” used to be the established formula of Yankee self-glorification. It is

A SAVAGE REPROOF.

“ Ojawaway, the Soft-Buffalo, Chief of the North American Indian
Association for preventing the Massacre of Milliners, to the Presi-
dent of the Royal Society for the prevention of Cruelty to Animals,
and all else whom it may concern.

“ 0 Guardian of the Goad !

“ We the Soft-Buffalo and our compatriots in mercy-loving
council assembled, have heard with wonder and dismay that a custom
hath grown up, among your generous but unreflecting Islanders, of
sacrificing yearly an indefinite but considerable number of youthful
Milliners. When garlands decorate the shows of May-Fair—when
the Millionnaire’s Squaw blazing in gems defiant, hastens to salute with
grateful lips the benignant hand of Royalty—when the robe of the
roseate Mayor is in a perpetual flutter of loyal expectation, that is your
chosen Season of Sacrifice! Strange people ! polished and as myste-
rious as Japan.

“ Our ancestors, 0 President, were reproached by yours, and justly so,
as we confess with burning shame, for their barbarities in war. Hate
now is melted into sorrow. No longer we take delight in lifting hair. We
have buried.the tomahawk, and for the scalping-knife united in holy wed-
lock to the juicy haunch of Bison, it is devoted to noble and hospitable
purposes. It has been your mission, O Womanlike Britannia, to teach
us humanity to our captive Braves. Be it our mission to beseech you
to bestow some thoughtfulness and care upon your gentle and ingenious
slaves. It is well, 0 Benefactor of Badgers, that animals canine and
leline—bovine and porcine, should be protected by liberal donations from
the wanton malice of reason-gifted brutes ; but it is not well, O Parent
of Fashionable Daughters, that the tender girl of lithe frame and palpi-
tating heart should be condemned to languish and die for lack of vital
air. It is well, 0 Albion, you sing of chivalry, but it is not well that your
famed chivalry should pale before and stand aghast at avid Gentile and
ungrammatic Jew. We have ameliorated our military code—go ye and
do likewise with your court millinery.

1 0 Champion of Calves and lover of your species, you will rejoice to
hear that we, now sojourning by the mighty Ohio, have organised a
mission of young Indians renowned for eloquence ana pluck to workout
a grand Belgravian reformation. As true knights-errant they will rest
^ot till they have slain the false Ogre of Economy by whom sedentary

A CONVENTIONAL DUET.

Punch.

Old Hobenzollern, whither away F
What are you shouldering yonder, I pray ?

What are those things that you ’ye got in your creels
Ends hanging out of them F Sausages F Eels F

Hohenzollern.

Viscera, inwards, intestines; a name

Shorter they have, which my lips need not frame,

You know what, Polanders,’ delicate fare.

I am carrying them to the Muscovite Bear.

Punch.

Old Hohenzollern, hie thee away!

Doing that office which, some people say.

You are not fit to perform to a bear.

When they told me so, I said that you were !

damsels in distress are cunningly confined in boxes and destroyed with
carbonic gas. They will preach in every Aristocratic Square that
patience more becomes a Duchess than her plumes. They will picture
to expectant debutantes a Drawing-room filled not with vases but with
urns—they will tell how ready human nature is at making slips, but
that many weary hours are needed to finish furbelows and elaborate a
train, and they will warn the exigeante Beauty that by hurrying the
thread of labour, she may snap the thread of life!

“ But, O Apologist of Jibbers and Advocate of Screws, if those we send
as guides should be themselves misled ! What assurance have we,
that Hymen will not erect an altar where Plutus fell, and that in
seeking to secure freedom for others, our young men may not them-
selves be led into fatal dalliance with a golden hoop. Though versed
in martial tactics may they not possibly be_ circumvented by the
manoeuvres of mercenary Mammas F Keep vigilant watch then, 0
Supervisor General of Thongs, over thy coquettish Countesses, lest our
impassioned but unwary emissaries, be lured from the rugged path of
benevolence into the orange groves of matrimony. Remind each fair
and fast Diana that on our hunting grounds the squaw goeth not forth
in pride, but as a meek companion of her liege Lord—that in our con-
nubial palavers we never surrender to feminine petulance the cherished
rivilege of having the last word, and that tears to win a bonnet, would
e unavailing against our irrevocable No.

“ Done in our Wigwam the 1st Day of the Moon aud 2nd Year
of our Sunshine and Rain.”

Changing Sides.

With regard to the grand attack on Captain Eowke’s building, it
is very curious that the Ministers, who were anxious to retain it,
acted like Conservatives, whilst the Conservatives, who were just as
eager to have it removed, behaved like Destructives.

a hint to the acclimatisation society.

The Jockey Club, and sporting community generally, have lately
invented a new dish. They made a bash of “ Reindeer,” flavoured k
with “ Tarragona ” Yinegar, and ‘‘ Tomato ” sauce.