Punch (71.1876)

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [July 8, 1876.

which. Mr. Disraeli answered much to the same effect as Lord Derby
'' in another place "), Captain Pim chose the very inopportune moment
of the strongest muster of English iron-clads the world has ever seen
in Besika Bay, to haul our Navy and Naval Administration over the
coals. If the fire of our Fleet he not destined to damage the enemy
more than Captain Pim's fire damaged our Fleet, Heaven help us,
and our iron-clads, turrets, and monster guns. It hardly needed
the ramming power of Reed, Ward Hunt, and Goschen combined
—to say nothing of plucky young Lord C. Beresford, R.N., in-
telligent amateur-sailor Brassey, and smart official A. Egerton—
to sink poor Captain Pim's very clumsy craft, even when backed by
the Big Ben galliot, always ready to exchange broadsides, double-
shotted, with the Admiralty and its ships.

On Naval Estimates Rylands the Rasper distinguished him-
self, in his peculiar style, by a proposal to reduce the Dockyard
vote by £250,000. " The practical man of business " came out strong
on the occasion against all deferred payment in the shape of pension
—the one thing that secures steady and well-conducted labour to
our Dockyards. It is satisfactory to find that The Rasper did not
obtain a single backer. Even Big Ben was ashamed of him, and
declined the game of " follow my leader."

In the Poor Law Amendment discussion, which followed Naval
Estimates, Mr. Walter (speaking on Sergeant Simon's Amend-
ment allowing man and wife above fifty-five to live together in the
Workhouse) informed the House that, from inquiries at two large
Metropolitan Unions, he had found that not only had the house
authorities never had an application from two old people to live
together, but they had often had expressions of satisfaction from such
couples that they were allowed to live separate ! (" The wretch ! "
was Judy's exclamation over this very ungallant anecdote.)

Tuesday.—In the Lords, Vivisection Bill passed Third Reading,
with the thanks of Lord Shaftesbury, who had accepted, with much
reluctance, the words permitting Vivisection " for the promotion of
physiological knowledge." May his kindly Lordship never have to
call in the aid of Vivisection of the gullet from the effects of swal-
lowing a camel.

Lord Delawarr asked a great many more questions than it is
likely Government would find it, or think it, expedient to answer,
about the armament of Malta. Probably, Lord Delawarr will see
the advisability of his satisfying his patriotic curiosity on such a
matter at such a moment by private inquiry at the proper sources.

The Government having suggested Amalgamation of the Royal
Irish Academy and the B,oyal Dublin Society, Lord O'Hagan pro-
tested against any such coupling of cart-horse and thoroughbred,
and still more against obliging the Irish Academy, which has
hitherto spent its own poor little grant much to its own satisfac-
tion, to disburse it, henceforth, via South Kensington.

{Commons.)—A vehement protest against the Scotch Poor Law
Amendment Bill, which proposes to enlarge the powers of the Board
of Supervision, at the expense of those of the Local Authorities—and
may be none the worse for that, if Scotch Local Authorities are like
English. But there is, and ought to be (according to Mr. Grant
Duff), a very strong feeling against the Bill among Scotch borough
Members. The Lord Advocate, Sir G. Montgomery and Mr. Orr
Ewing, are as strong in its favour. It is a very pretty quarrel as
it stands. All Scotch quarrels in the House are, and should no
more be interfered with by outsiders than rows between man and
wife. The debate was adjourned.

Mr. Richard, more power to him, made a high-toned, and of course
Quixotic, appeal to the House, on the subject of our relations with
China, and the opium trade in particular.

What an odd element a Quaker Member contributes to Parliament
will be apparent from one quotation out of Mr. Richard's speech,
in which he avowed his belief that " a righteous God ruled on the
earth, and that if we persisted in the course we had hitherto pursued
towards China, outraging the great principles of truth, justice, and
humanity, in spite of our enormous resources and our might by sea
and land, we should be crushed like an egg-shell against a granite
rock." Happy the nation, a fraction of whose Collective Wisdom
can find a hearing for such a denunciation of the national conduct!

Mr. Bourke for the Government admitted that our treaties with
China would be the better for revision. We were in communication
with the other Treaty Powers on the subject. As to Opium, it was a
very objectionable source of revenue. " Olet" might be admitted.
But how else was £8,000,000 to be raised in India ? The Chinese,
he believed, objected to the importation of Missionaries even more
than of Opium.

Wednesday.—A gallant fight over the Second Reading of Mr.
Potter's Bill for dispensing of intestates' real estate in the same
way as their personal. Fancy a Potter trying to get even the thin
end of the wedge into our venerable system of Feudal Land-owning !
No wonder Beresford Hope should shriek, Goldney growl, and
Henley hum and ha! They assail the Bill as one for the extinc-
tion of the small landholder. But has the venerable system saved
him ? We thought he was being improved off the earth pretty fast,

by force of circumstances, Feudal Land-holding law to the contrary
notwithstanding. Sir W. Harcourt reminded the House that there
was no magical distinction between land and personalty. If it was
just that the law should distribute the one between all members of
the family, it would be hard to show why it should not parcel out
the other on the same principle. Perhaps. But the truth is that John
Bull does not feel the injustice of primogeniture, and does feel
that it tends to hold properties together, and to strengthen younger
sons by throwing them on their own resources. These advantages
in John Bull's eyes are too solid to be shaken by any injustice
there may be in making elder sons. Probably he doubts if there be
any. At all events, there is none that will reconcile him to Mr.
Potter's thin end of the wedge : 210 to 175 was a less majority
than Punch should have expected on the question.

Thursday {Lords).—The first Innocent massacred—poor Bank-
ruptcy Bill is no more. Lord Derby, in answer to Lord Granville,
admitted he had little hopes that War can be averted. This is
strong from so cautious a mouth; and if Mr. Disraeli was more
reticent, his utterances weigh less. All he could say {Commons), to
comfort the Marquis of Hartlngton was, that the Servian troops
had not moved.

Debate on Mr. Butt's Bill for converting Irish landlords into
rent-chargers, begun by Law—see the irony of Parliamentary
chances — ending in A. Moore — a very barren Moor too—with a
Division of 200 to 56. That Butt won't hold water.

Friday {Lords).—Intemperance temperately treated by the Bench
of Bishops, the Primate for, and Peterborough against, the Per-
missive Bill. The latter had the courage to reassert his old con-
fession of faith: " If I must choose between freedom and sobriety,
give me freedom." Salisbury said ditto to Peterborough. Here
is the dilemma, whose horns are respectfully offered by their Lord-
ships to Sir Wilfrid and his backers : "If intemperance be a
national vice, drastic legislation against it, being in the teeth of
public opinion, will provoke reaction. If public opinion be prepared
to accept drastic legislation, then such legislation is_ needless."
Their Lordships granted a Select Committee to inquire into habits
of intemperance, and the manner in which "these have been affected
by recent legislation and other causes." Much good may it do them
and us.

(Co)?imons.)—A spirited Debate on Mr. Butt's Motion for a Select
Committee to inquire into the grounds of the demand for an Irish
Parliament. P. J. Smyth tears the mask off Home Rule, and shows
Repeal of the Union under it. Irish eloquence is familiar to the
House; but the "blend," of Irish eloquence with truth electrified
the House, and no wonder ! Smyth's is the speech of the Session.

NOT COOKS ENOUGH.

report of a Meeting held in the
"Demonstration Room" of the School
of Cookery, South Kensington, has
found its way to 85, Fleet Street.
Mr. Punch is unable to say by
whom it was sent or by whom it was
written. All he knows about the
matter is this—the proceedings were
jotted down on the backs of menu
cards, and. that this novel sort of
"copy" carried into Mr. Punch's
sanctum a very pleasant odour of the
kitchen. Having said this, Mr.
Punch allows the Report to speak for
itself:—

Meeting of the Society for the
Prevention of Cruelty to Vege-
tables and Viands.
A Meeting of this Society was held
at South Kensington shortly after the
annual gathering of the National
Training School for Cookery had
taken place. The room was crowded,
and many influential Vegetables and
Popular Dishes were present on the
platform. Sir Loin de Roast Beef
was unanimously voted to the Stove
as President of the Association.
The President said that he was delighted to see so goodly a
company around him. It showed that there was a genuine interest
taken in the cause they all had so much at heart—the cause of good
Cookery. Good Cookery would benefit alike consumer and con-
sumed. The consumed in the hands of an efficient cook would
reveal qualities that would be utterly lost under less favourable cir-
cumstances. {"Hear, hear!1') And as for the consumers, their

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