Punch (71.1876)

134

PUNCH, OK THE LONDON CHARIVARI,

[September 30, 1876.

working order. At present, suffice it to record the _ fact of the
revival, to draw the attention of the public to what is called "a
step in the right direction," and to sign myself now, as ever,

Your Representative.

P.S.— *~A propos of the topic of the day, what a row some foreign
Gladstone—perhaps then a monk of the Savonarola type—would
have made about the " English Atrocities" in France, quoting King
Henry's sanguinary command—

" Ever}' soldier kill his prisoners :
Give the word througii."

Why even our chiefs out-bashi-bazouk'd the Bashi-Bazouks in those
old days when the cry was " St. George for Merrie England ! "

Richard the Third at Drury Lane (Cibber versus Coleman),
and the winter theatrical season commencing. Like a bird, Sir, I
will be in three places at once, including the theatre where Silas
Druce alias Daniel Marner or The Black-weaver-smith is being per-
formed. I hear great things of Carl Rosa's Opera troupe at the
Lyceum. But more anon from your own " Irregular Humorist."
I thank thee, King Coleman, for teaching me that word.

SHIPTON AND SLUDGE.

How long will Justice, blinder than ever, continue to prose-
cute poor old Mother Siiitton for telling sixpenny fortunes to
maid servants, and allow charlatans of the "Medium" type to be
treated as magicians by feeble scientists, and their illusions to be
discussed as positive phenomena by little intelligences ?

To the lock-up with old Mother Shipton ! She has no Lecturers
on Anatomy, no Professors of Psychological Economy, to speak,
protest, or lecture, in her favour. To gaol with her! She has made
a servant-girl happy for an hour for the small sum of sixpence

Nothing can be too bad for her when we think of the superstitious
ideas such conduct may engender in the lower classes.

But Sledge, who is a Doctor—a genuine one, or he would
not use the prefix—is not to be treated otherwise than as the
respected and admired exponent of a science yet in its infancy. He
takes his fee as other Doctors do. He resides in well-furnished
apartments, and it is quite impossible that a man of his attainments
(is he not the chosen associate of angels ?) should dream of fraud or
imposture ?

You purblind petty Professors, who have paid your guineas and
wasted time which might have been profitably employed in your own
pursuits, are you not—confess it—the veriest babies in almost every-
thing which does not immediately concern the science you have
studied and followed since you left school ?

Can any one of you imitate Mr. Punch''s Roo-too-too-it, or make a
shilling vanish from one hand to the other, or force a card, or
explain any one of the thousand and odd tricks performed by a
common conjuror ?

You feeble gobemouches ! Because a medium is called Doctor,
and is recommended by some celebrities who may sooner or later end
their investigations in Colney Hatch or a Private Establishment,
you accept his theories at once! Because, forsooth, you cannot
understand how he does it, you swallow his trick as, so to speak, a
canard, bones, feathers, and all, and swear it is a Phcenix sent from
Heaven.

Punch knows it is useless to argue with enthusiasts, but he asks,
if witchcraft is to be treated as an imposition, whether obtaining
money under false pretences in the drawing-room is not as punish-
able as doing so at the area, and whether Magistrates ought any
more to tolerate impostors extracting guineas from well-to-do
simpletons for communications from the dead, than they allow
Mother Shipton to swindle scullerymaids out of their small earn-
ings in return for a promise of a rich husband and a coach-and-six ?

hen Mr. Punch appeared to
give his promised lecture, his
four military friends hastened
to greet him. His pupils ap-
peared in different costumes.
Colonel Charles, of the Royal
East Mudborough Militia, wore
his silver-laced overalls and
levee vest. Ensign Eugene, of
the Volunteers, on the con-
trary, appeared iu a motley
uniform, composed of a regi-
mental tunic, a pair of fancy
tweed trousers, and a straw
hat. Lieutenant and Cap-
tain George, of the Grenadiers
Green, was satisfied to appear
m a black suit of evening costume. Field-Marshal Sir Frank Geegee, K.C.B.,
wore his respirator and decorations. The dear little man was seated
perambulator.

" My good boys," said Mr. Punch, " before I com-
mence my lecture, will you kindly tell me why you
have selected the uniforms in which you have been
good enough to appear ? "

Colonel Charles, of the Royal East Mudborough
Militia, was the first to answer. He replied, with a
slight blush, "It has occurred to me, Mr. Punch,
since we held our last conversation, that it would be
possible to mistake me for a civilian did I not make
the very most of my uniform."

" This is the regulation shooting dress at "Wimble-
don," proudly responded Ensign Eugene, of the
Volunteers.

"We wear mufti at mess, to distinguish us from
the Army," drawled Lieutenant and Captain
George, of the Grenadiers Green.

Mr. Punch turned to Field-Marshal Sir Frank
Geegee, K.C.B., and was horrified to find that the
poor little fellow had cut his fingers with his sword.

" My poor, sweet little man! " cried Mr. Punch,
compassionately, " how did you manage to draw that
dangerous weapon ? "

"Little Sir Frank doesn't know! " sobbed the
venerable innocent. "Little Sir Frank only drew
his sword once before; and then he was a naughty
subaltern, and got fined a dozen of champagne be-
cause he did it in the ante-room. Little Sir Frank
will be a good boy, and won't do it again."

Sticking-plaister was produced, and peace restored;
and then Mr. Punch commenced his lecture:—

Part I. The Commanding Officer and his Subor-
dinates.—The first duty of the Officer is obedience to
his superiors; the second is to maintain discipline
amongst his inferiors. According to the Queen's
Regulations (Sect. 7), he should " not only enforce by
command, but should also encourage by example, the
energetic discharge of duty, and the steady endurance
of the difficulties and privations which are inseparable
from military service."

Thus, a Commanding Officer, when a Sub-Lieu-
tenant is sent to join his regiment, should seize as
many opportunities as possible to attract the attention
of his subordinate. When he sees his recruit coming,
he should immediately commence practising the goose-
step with perseverance. It will be as well for him to
appear to fail once or twice in the attempt to perform
this elementary, but difficult, manoeuvre, so that the
recruit may be encouraged to make the necessary
efforts to master the subject. At other times it will
be as well if the recruit finds his Commanding Officer
hard at work studying the Field Exercises, Part I.