Punch (71.1876)

244 PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [December 2, 1876,

A GREAT LIBERTY.

Local Exquisite. " Who is that old Person?"

Fair Informant. "Mr. Goodchild, M.P. for his County. 'Was in the Ministry some Time ago."

Local Exquisite. "Why did he Speak to me? We've never been introduced !"

Fair Informant. " I think he took you for a Farmer ! "

sent in to my Lords afterwards. For, as sure as I stand here, the
first gale of wind will bring the whole thing down if the Chief Con-
structor interferes with those ropes.

Admiral. A great pity, no doubt; but it really isn't my business,
you know. I don't understand Dockyard work.

Muttonhead. Of course not. Good-bye !

Admiral {through the ear-trumpet). You are not going ?

Muttonhead. I must. You won't see me for the next three weeks.
I have got to decide upon an alteration in the size of one of our flags.
The hardest work I have had for the last twenty years, Sir.

[Hobbles out, and is nearly knocked over by the Chief Store-
keeper.

Chief Storekeeper {entering, and seating himself on a table). Hallo,
Tommy, who was that old fellow ?

Admiral. Don't you know him, Jack ? ,Why, Muttonhead, to be
sure.

_ Chief Storekeeper. Think of that! Both of us been here all this
time, and never met before! What fun, eh ? I have got such a
good story to tell you !

Admiral {settling himself comfortably in an arm-chair). Do,
Jack—do tell it me. It's so awfully slow here all day with nothing
to do!

Chief Storekeeper. Well, you must know, Tommy, that Harry
Hawser, who's just been sent to look after the Anchor Department,
has made such a mess of it! {Tells a long yarn about the ivaste of
about a quarter of a million of public money—finishing the story.)
And so I replied, of course, that the responsibility didn't rest with
me. Ha! ha! ha! Harry and I had such a laugh over it when
we met at the Club in the evening !

Admiral, Ha ! ha ! ha ! Oh, Jack, you will be the death of me !
But, I say, won't there be a row with my Lords ?

Chief Storekeeper. Not a bit of it! It's been done before. But,
pro forma, here's an account of it. {Throwing down a paper.)
Harry won't write his unless called upon. I have jotted mine
down because I like to be on the safe side, you know. {Altercation

heard without.) Hallo ! There's Billy and Charley at it again !
They are always quarrelling. I shall be off !

[Exit as the Chief Engineer and the Chief Constructor push in
together.

Chief Engineer and Chief Constructor {shouting together). Sir,
we appeal to you!

Admiral. But, my good fellows, what's the use of that ? You
know I know nothing about it; and, as I am not responsible, I-■

Chief Engineer. He's cut a hole in my best boiler.

Chief Constructor. And he's carried an ironjupe through my best
armour-plate, spoiling all the paint and gilding.

Admiral. Well, well, well! Make your protests, Gentlemen :
and if my Lords say anything about it afterwards, I can but forward
your letters to the Admiralty.

Chief Engineer {throwing down a paper). Here's mine. The
engines won't work.

Chief Constructor {throwing down another). And mine, utterly
spoiled the figure-head ! [An awful explosion heard without.

Admiral. An accident, Gentlemen! You had better return to
your posts ; but remember. Gentlemen, that whatever has occurred,
1 at least am not responsible. {Exeunt, leisurely, Chief Constructor
and Chief Engineer.) It's no use'going to see what it is : I should
only be in the way. {Yawns.) What a fine day it is. I am half a
mind to follow Tentbrfour in his fishing. By Jove, I will! John !
{Enter John.) I am going out for the day, John. {Pointing to the
protests on the table.) You can clear away this mess. Put it on
the table behind the screen.

John. Yes, Sir. {Exit Admiral.) Official papers, as usual. I
wonder what they are about ? {Opens protests, and glances at their
contents.) Dear me, if I were still a working carpenter, and had
sufficient authority, I would settle all these matters in five minutes.
But here I am only a servant; and it is better to serve than to
govern in Her Majesty's Dockyards; at least, so my Master tells
me; and he ought to know.

[John clears up the mess as the Scene closes in.