Punch (71.1876)

[December 9, 1876.

"SPLITTING THE DIFFERENCE."

Presbyterian Minister (portentously). " James, this is a very dreadful Thing! You iiave beard there is One Pound missing

from the BOX ! "

James (the Beadle, who is strongly suspected), "'Deed, Sir, so they were tellin' me-"

Minister (solemnly). " James ! you and I alone had Access to that Box-"

James. " It's just as ye say, Sir—it must lie between us Twa ! An' the best way'll bp, you to Pay the tae Half,
an' I 'j,l Pay the tither, an' say na' mair aboot it ! "

THE MORAL 33UTTERMA.N.

have some first-rate Devonshire butter at two shillings, bat it has
nothing like the flavour of the others.

Jjiuly Customer. I should hope not. If you can warrant it, give

(A Romance in One Ad.) WW. ^™«"'fr.. isnoum nope nuu. ±± you uul

' me halt a pound, and let me go. 1 don t feel well.

Scene—A Butter Shop. Moral Butterman discovered reading
"The Christian Universe."

Enter Lady Customer.

Moral Butterman. "What can I do for you, Miss, this afternoon?
Lady Customer. Oh, thank you, I only wanted a pound of
butter.

Moral Butterman. Yes, Miss, certainly, Miss. What quality
would you like ?

Lady Customer. What have you ?

Moral Butterman. Well, here is a very nice, well-flavoured,
article we call " Butterine," which we can afford'to do at One-
and-Two. We have a large sale for it. It is composed of Thames
skimmings and clarified grease. It gives great satisfaction. Will
you taste it ?

Lady Customer. Oh, dear, no. Have you nothing else ?

Moral Butterman (cheerfully). Yes, Miss. Here is another still
better flavoured article, which we call " Oleo-margarine." I cannot
tell you of what it is composed, as it is imported by the ton. We
sell a large quantity, and at as low a price as One-and-Three. I
think if you tasted it, perhaps ?

Lady Customer, Oh no, thank you. Then you have nothing
else ?

Moral Butterman. Not at the price, Miss ; except our celebrated
" Bosh." We do know what that is made of. It is composed of
beef-fat and other harmless materials, together with a sufficient
amount of water.

Lady Customer. Oh, thank you ! Good evening !

Moral Butterman. Then you won't try the " Bosh," Miss ? We

[Lady is served, and exit. Moral Butterman groans, and
resumes " The Christian Universe."

Curtain.

More Easily "Wanted than Got.

The following advertisement has been extensively circulated in
the South of Ireland :—

TO CLERGYMEN.—WANTED, for a small Seaside Parish in the
diocese of Cork, which has been vacant some mouths, a steady married
CLEKGYMAN, between forty and forty-five years of age, as Hector. Must be
a Gentleman by birth, education, and manners, of high intellectual attain-
ments, a brilliant and persuasive preacher, a sound Protestant, strictly
evangelical, untinged by either High or Broad Church opinions, and, as the
congregation is largely composed of Ladies, a diligent and pleasing visitor.
He must possess agreeable social qualities, and be of prepossessing appearance.
The stipend being small, ample private means are essential. To a Gentleman
of an amiable or compliant disposition this would prove a desirable post. No
one need apply in whom the foregoing qualifications are not combined.—For
further particulars apply, &c, &c.

A fine illustration of demand and supply in the " open market."
It shows how .Disestablishment must be working to " improve the
quality of the article " ?

Title fob W. E. G. (when he takes his Peerage).—-Lord Penmaen-

mawb