Punch (93.1887)

PUNCH, OE THE LONDON CHAKIVAPJ.

3

L--P- Weil, so be it.

Must do my best. "What sort of wickets ?
cVr Crumbling.

Must meet tbe ball with, a straight bat; no fumbling,

Or out you go!

B' And how's the fielding ?

C;B. Dicky!
lis there you'll have the pull that wickets sticky
Or cut up, through the influence of weather,
Can't neutralise. They 're never all together.
Some run like hares, some throw in like a Krupp;
But what they fail in is in " backing up."
L. B. Thanks be! I see my chance then. If they're
loose

In fielding I can slog 'em to the doose.
C. B. But don't take liberties, my lad. No jumps

In for a drive ; they 're always on the stumps.

And then their wicket-keeper's like a cat.
L. B. Well, anyhow you carried out your bat,

Despite the lot of them. Can " crack " do more ?
C. B. {significantly). Yes!—I kept up my stumps, but
could not score!

A " Not out, nothing " may be meritorious,

And very useful, but 'tis hardly glorious.

A stolid Scotton's worth his salt, at need;

But, after all, he's not a Grace or Read.

You '11 have to hit, as.well as guard your wicket,

If you'd be popular. Blocking is not Cricket!
L. B. Humph! no, not quite. My orders are to score

And bring the House down.
C. B. That will cause a roar

When you take back your bat to the Pavilion.

A Cricketer must smite to please the Million.

Routledge's Jubilee Guide to London, is good, not
only for such a " high old time " as the Jubilee "Week,
but for the next three years or so until the streets are
re-named and a few new thoroughfares opened up. The
illustrations are excellent. There is only one objection
to this Guide as a companion, and that is it is rather too
large. No Guide to be useful should be bigger than the
Handy-Volume Shakspeare size, originally started at
85, Fleet Street. Some of the French Guides, not the
regiment, but the little books, Joanne's Series, are
models in this respect.

Philips' Handy Volume Atlas is about the right size.
" The World," it is often said, " is a small place;" but for
all that, it does not go so easily in a tail-ooat pocket, where
Mr. Philips' Atlas can be conveniently carried. It is an
invaluable companion for everyday newspaper reading.
Happy Thought for Travellers, to whom this little volume
is recommended, "Philips onhis way through the World."

WHAT OUR ARTIST HAS TO PUT UP WITH.

Our Artist (showing his last and most imporlan t Picture, Uu work of years). '' Yes,
I should like to EXHIBIT it ; but I don't want to SBLL it, you know—at
least not till times are better."

Friend. "Well, why not send it to the Exhibition, and put a prohi-
bitive Price upon it—say Twenty Pounds ?!"

TOO MUCH OF A GOOD THING.

{Meteorological forecast for the Month.)

&th.— Queen's Weather continues. Raspberry crop fails. Straw-
berries sold by auction in Covent Garden Market, and fetch two
guineas each.

13th.— Queen's "Weather still continues. All the grass in Hyde
Park turns brown, and suddenly disappears. Vegetables generally
sell at famine prices. Riot of Dukes attempting to secure a bundle
of late asparagus from a fashionable "West End greengrocer's, sup-
pressed by the police.

l"th.— Queen's "Weather as settled as ever. Great drought com-
mences. London "Water Companies cut off their supply. Five o'clock
tea in Belgravia made from boiled soda-water. Apollinaris supplied
ia buckets, for washing purposes, at the rate of twenty guineas the
dozen pint bottles.

2Js'yT Queen's "Weather showing no signs of departure, fifteen
umbrella-manufacturers go through the Bankruptcy Court, and
commit suicide. Dust in London becomes intolerable. A Nobleman
in Mayfair has Piccadilly watered with Bass's India Pale Ale.

21th.—Queen's "Weather established. The Thames runs dry
between Vauxhall and Westminster. The Speaker gives a garden-
party in the bed of the river. Cafe noir, made of ink, served as a
refreshment.

31st.—Queen's "Weather still continuing, seventeen ginger-beer
manufacturers who have become millionnaires, are raised to the
Peerage. The Lord Mayor goes off his head, and, imagining that
he is the Old Pump at Aldgate, is removed, by general consent, to
Colney Hatch.

FLOREAT MASCHERA!

A great deal of curiosity has been expressed about the Gray's Inn
Maske of Flowers, which has puzzled a number of people. The
better informed have replied, when asked, " What was it ? " " Oh,
don't you know what a Maske is P Why Comus was a Maske, don't
you know?" To save time and temper, Mr. Punch begs to inform
all inquirers that:—

1. " Gray's Inn" is the Inn where the poet Gray alwavs stopped
when he came to town. It has always been associated with. Poets.

2. This Maske of Flowers is not Mr. Cyril Flower, M.P. 's.

3. It is highly improbable that the Benchers of the Four Inns
of Court will appear in Fancy Costume at four o'clock in the morn-
ing, and serenade the occupants of the Western Face of Gray's Inn
Square from the Gardens.

4. The Maske is not so called from everybody in Gray's Inn
appearing in " big heads."

5. The Lord Chancellor is not introduced as Harlequin and
does not dance a pas seul with " Mr. Solicitor," founded upon'some
of the more intricate steps of the pavan, or peacock's strut

6. That it is not the duty of the Master of the Revels to teach the
Masters of the Bench how to execute with spirit a Morisco.

Having said what the Maeke will not be, Mr. Punch goes a step
further—and stops, thinking it will be better to reserve particulars
until after the Performance.

Every Etonian ought to go to the Gaiety and hear Mr. Merri-
vale's new piece, of which Mrs. Brown-Potter is the heroine.
Why ought every Etonian to do this ? We forgot to mention that the
name of the play is Civil Warre. (If it isn't so spelt, it ought to be.)