Punch (93.1887)

34

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

[July 23, 1887.

HOPE FOR ALL.

"Coach" (to Volatile Pupil). "Are you at Theorem B or C, Me. Titterby?"

Mr. T. "T tell y' th' truth, Sir, I'm 'at Sea'—at Sea, Sir,—completely." [Chuckle*.

(Re turned out an utter failure, was plucked at College, and had to take to Art-Chitwism .')

" MARGARINE."

(A Middleman's Lament.)

" For the protection of the public, all
consignments of the spurious compound
that has hitherto, under the title of
' Butterine,' passed current in the market
for genuine butter, will in future be
distinctly labelled and known as ' Mar-
garine.' "—Trade Intelligence.

An ! tell me not they've changed thy
name,
So long a sweet decoy,
By which I' ve made my little game,

And palmed off thy alloy.
Of chemicals and horses' fat,

And things not nice or clean,
You. were composed: hut what "of
that ?—

You looked like hutter in the pat.
Why call you " Margarine " ?

Ah'! why the public undeceive ?

They nought thee with a will,
And in thy virtues so believe

That they would buy thee still!
Why have such meddling measures
framed

By legislation mean ?
Alas! thy origin's proclaimed;
No more with hutter art thou named,

But henceforth " Margarine" I

in.2ssthetic jediles.

Bab luck to the Board of Works
in their project of demolishing the
steps, and disfiguring the platform
of St. Martin's Church, on the mere
pretence of widening the entrance of
the proposed Charing Cross Road. All
my eye and Betty—namesake, hut
no relation to the Saint. Conveni-
ence is a mere cloak for their unne-
cessary Vandalism, a cloak which
St. Martin would never have divided
with tasteless beggars.

LARKS FOR LEGISLATORS.

" There would be no departure from the most highly respectable precedents
in holding open-air sittings of the House of Commons, while its advantages in
the hot weather, as regards not only physical comfort, but mental and moral
fitness for the work of the senator, are too obvious to need enumeration."

Daily Taper.

Scene— The Grounds of the Crystal Palace. The House of
Commons assembled in the Rosary; Reporters {armed with
speaking trumpets) in the Rand Stand and on branches of Trees.

The Speaker [in his shirt-sleeves). Order, order ! I must request
Members to abstain from touching the Fireworks till the evening.

Dr. Tanner. I rise to a point of order, Sir. What are we to do if
it rains ? I see no preparation for rigging up an awning over us, and
I must protest against this cowardly attempt on the part of the
Government to stifle, or perhaps I ought to say drown, discussion,
and-

The Speaker (interposing). If the Hon. Member talks of ram
before it comes, I shall have to suspend him—ahem!—from the
nearest tree. (Laughter.) The first Order of the Day is the
Adjourned Discussion on the London Local Government Bill.

Sir W. Harcourt. Before the discussion begins I should like to ask
your opinion, Sir, whether it is in order for the First Lord of the
Treasury to go off to the tobogganing slide instead of stopping to
answer questions ? (" Hear.' hear!")

The Speaker. The question is one of some difficulty. I have care-
fully examined the precedents, but there is no mention of tobogganing
in the records of this House. I must therefore leave the matter to
the good sense and powers of self-restraint of Hon. and Right Hon.
Members. (Cheers.)

The Attorney-General (resuming the Debate on the London
Government Bilt)._ Avery much better idea of the different municipal
districts into which the Metropolis will be mapped out can be
obtained by ascending the great Water-Towers, and I therefore
propose an adjournment of half an hour for that purpose.

[The Motion is agreed to without a Division. On the expiration of
the time an Hon. Member, who is indistinctly heard by the Re-
porters, is understood to propose that the selling of lemonade at
sixpence a glass, without ice, to Members of Parliament consti-
tutes a breach of the Privileges of the House, but is ruled out of
order.

The Speaker. I call on the Attorney-Generai to resume his
speech.

[Ineffectual search made all about the Rosary for the Attorney-
General.

An Irish Member. Try the Switch-Back Railway.

[Laughter, and cries of " There isn't one ! "
Another Member thought that very probably the learned Gentleman
had looked in behind the scenes at the Open-air Ballet.

[More Laughter.

The Member for the Tower Hamlets (resuming the discussion)
proceeded to dilate on the necessity of more communications being
established between the North and South banks of the River, in any
scheme for Municipal Reform, and alluding to the Tower Bridge
erected in the grounds, remarked that of course Members knew that
in half-an-hour the time would have arrived for it to be illuminated,
and for the " Fire-Portraits of Mr. Parnexl and all his followers"
to be lighted {general cheering), and he therefore moved, as a matter
of urgent public importance, that the House do now adjourn, espe-
cially as he had felt a few drops of rain, and had forgotten to
bring his umbrella.

The Speaker. Those who are in favour of adjournment say "Aye."

(No response.) Those who are against it-why, bless me, there's

nobody left! Even the Sergeant-at-Arms has gone off to see the
ballet! How Unparliamentary ! Surely those figures coming down
the toboggan- slide can't be Mr. Gladstone and Sir William Hab-
cotjrt, racing Mr. Smith and the Home Secretary? Why, I
believe it is so. How exciting it looks! Well, this adjourning at
nine o'clock is much nicer, after all, than the old late hours. Al
fresco sittings rather a success. Feel rather all-frisky myself.
Think I '11 go off and try a toboggan. [Left sliding.