Punch (93.1887)

September 17, 1887.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

123

Chorus.

You are getting a great girl now,
And you know it, Columbia, I trow.
Philadelphia's "boom"
Leaves for doubt little room
That you 're getting a great girl now.

I feel like Papa, who though elderly's fresh,

And with younkers can sympathise still;
You are bone of my bone, you are flesh of my fltsh,

And I bear you the warmest good-will.
My centennial dates which have rapidly run,

I have given up counting, somehow ;
Like me, you '11 be learning life is not all fun,

For you 're getting a great girl now.

Chorus.

You are getting a great girl now.
With health and that radiant brow,

One hardly would say

You 're a hundred to-day,
Though you 're getting a great girl now.

You've gone in for Parties,—my plague,'dear, at home ;

If anyone's sick of 'em I am,—
Your land is so large you need hardly to roam,

Yet you 're known from St. James's to Siam.
We greet you as Cousin, our family throng

Is wide, but you 're welcome, I vow.
Come often, stay long, you can hardly do wrong,

Though you 're getting a great girl now.

Chorus.

You are getting a great girl now,
The rawness of youth you outgrow.
I am proud of your looks,
Like your art, and your books ;
You are getting a great girl now.

To your'big birthday party 'twas kind to invite

My William ; I'm sure he'd have come
And danced at your ball with the greatest delight,

But for years, and some business at home.
He !s really a marvel, you know, for his age;

At your great Philadelphia pow-wow
He'd have reeled you off columns of talk, I '11 engage,

Though he's getting an Old Boy now.

Chorus.
He 's getting an Old Boy now,
Yet but for our big Irish row,

He'd have come like a shot,

And orated a lot,
Though he's getting an Old Boy now.

Your health, my Columbia ! A hundred ? Seems queer ]

What a sweet Centenarian you make I
1 suppose it's your fine "Constitution," my dear;

Which nothing, I hope, will e'er shake,
iou have proved you have not only swiftness, but stay;

Well, long may you flourish and grow!
Many happy—and hearty—returns of the "Day!

You are getting a great girl now!

Chorus.

You are getting a great girl now;

May you prosper, and keep out of row;
Shun bunkum and bawl,
All that's shoddy and small,

For you 're getting a great girl now I

THE FATHER OF THE MAN.

.A Case of some interest to Self-made Men, the con-
viction of a boy fined half-a-crown for playing, with some
other boys, the game of "brag," occasioned Mr. Shtel,
the Southwark Bench, to observe that "Gambling was
tie first Btep towards crime. Boys who began with
sambling, very often ended by being thieves." Too often,
Perhaps, but, it may be hoped, not always. The boy who
°egrns by playing at pitch-and-toss, surely doesn't always
up to be a man who actually commits manslaughter.
?e ttay possibly stop short of larceny, burglary, or
i °Useoreaking, and do nothing worse than getting a use-
on tV not absolutely criminal livelihood, by betting
o?™e Derby and the St. Leger, or speculating on the

M°k Exchange.

FORM.

Public School Boy [to General Sir George, G.O.B., G S.I., V.C., &a. \ &c, <fcc.) I
say, Grandpapa,—a—would you mind just putting on your Hat a. little
straiohter? here comes codgers—he s awfully particular—and he's
the Captain of our Eleven, you know!"

WOEDS IN SEASON.

News are by no means wanting in the newspapers. A surprising telegram
from Vienna announces that:—■

" A large shark has been captured close to the harbour of Fiume. It is four and a half
metres long, and weighs 1,460 kilogrammes. The stomach contained a pair of human feet
with the hoots on."

The shark with two feet, and boots inside of it to boot, beats Jerrold's " San
Domingo Billy," in Black Eyed Susan, with a watch in his maw—whereby hung
a yarn. Provincial journals, please copy, and report a jack.that was so big as
to have swallowed jack-boots. Tou may calculate that they will go down with
some of your readers too. Nothing like leather.

The gooseberry season is over, but if this were the height of it, the prodigious
fruit of that family would be unmentionable to any scientific assembly. Never-
theless, Dr. C. Falberg read a paper to an audience at the British Association
upon "Saccharine, the New Sweet Product of Coal Tar," which, in connection
with the John Hopkins' University (U.S.) he discovered in 1879. Coal tar has
been brought to a pretty pitch. He averred this saccharine to be 250 times
sweeter than sugar. Must have used nice means to calculate that quantity of the
quality of sweetness. Said it had become an article of commerce—had a large
sale in Germany, was perfectly harmless, he had himself used it for nine years,
and it produced no injurious effect upon him. Apparently, then, he used to
eat it, and if he didn't might have invited his hearers likewise to eat him. This
"Saccharine" bears a somewhat long name, which, as it is a commercial article
might perhaps be compendiously replaced with " Sngarine."

The sea-serpent, Python marinus—Python Ambulatoris, or Python WaTkerii
—seems not just yet to have been satisfactorily sighted either by sailors or
marines. However, he may be expected to turn up again very soon this time
probably coiled in constrictor fashion, as an oceanic ophidian, around'a Laocoon
or leviathan of a species very like a whale.

The Duke's Motto.

Mb. Duke, Secretary to the Liberal-Unionists, says that they consider
Liberal reunion as desirable, but with one opinion" they decline to do any-
thing until publicly authorised to do so by Lord Hartingtobt and the Liberal-
Unionist leaders. This Dims motto is evidently "Ditto to Lord Har-
tington." Dukes Dittos may in future pair off with Gladstone's
" Items."