Punch (93.1887)

October 8, 1887.]

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

159

'Tis hers to furnish.; when that hand shall fail,
Auxiliar sword or purse will nought avail
To prop her sway, or 'stahlish shaken power,
Not though she had the more than Danae dower
Of all " the wealth of Ormuz and of Ind."
Fear must not shake and softness must not Mind
The man, the people, who would lead and light
Progress's Army in the World's great fight.
Each nation finds, when Fate its courage tests,
Its last, "best frontier is its soldiers' hreasts.
"War's sinews, though, wise captains won't contemn,
Loyalty, liberal aid,—who laughs at them
Is churl and goose at once. All England's ranks
"Will hail your generous gift with cordial thanks,
Nizam-ool-Moolk I Our DuEFEBiNhas wit,
Trust him to make the wisest use of it;
Or failing that—which doubtless will not fail—
Trust Punch to throw his baton in the scale,
Whose wood, in hands like his, as skilled as hold,
Ofttimes outweighs the worth of steel and gold.
Nizam, that North-West Frontier, Punch's eye
Shall watch henceforth with sharpest scrutiny.
The lakhs not lacking, should swift wisdom lack,
That b&ton will descend with thundering thwack
On dolts who dull delay shall'cause or suffer;—
But there, our Dtjttebin is not a duffer.
Red-tape itself would hardly be so mad
As to misread the moral Hyderahad
Beads to Calcutta in this princely proffer.
Punch—-for his Queen—acknowledges the offer
Of him who brings, a tribute free as leal,
Gold, for her peace, and for her war-time steel.'

ROBERT AT LILLIE BRIDGE.

Well, it does seemrayther rum, I confess, hut it's nevertheless
true, that hardly nothink of a singlar and xtraordinary charackter
seems to appen in London that I don't seem to he present. In these
dredful dull days, when there ain't not no great dinners a going on,
no not hardly one Livery Company a dining in their Alls of dazzling
light, and the Lobd Mabe hisself a injoying of his olliday at
Pangburn, what is a pore Hed Waiter to do to wile away a idle hour
or 2; so hearing as two of the seven Champions of England was
about to run a race of ever so many hundred yards in just a few
seconds, at Lilly Bridge, me and Brows' went there on that now
sillybrated Monday, and saw sich a rewolutionary riot as would have
done justice to old Ireland itself. Determined to he in good time, we
went early, and took up our plaices, and patiently waited. At about
5 o'clock pea. hem. the two galliant Champions walked on the
ground, and took a good look at it. I didn't think werry much of
their pussonal aperance, and shouldn't a thort as they was Champions
if I hadn't bin told, and one was a good deal older than the other one,
which didn't seem quite fare to me. However, I didn't interfere, as
it wasn't no bizziness of mine, and the two running Champions
walked in to dress, or rather praps I should say, to undress for the
race. Harf past 5 came, and no Champions, and 6 o'clock struck
and no Champions, and we began to get jest a little fidgetty; at a
quarter-paBt 6 a wild roomer spread around that we was all a going
to be sold!

There was about a hundred thowsand on us, more or less, a wait-
ing patiently and quietly for a sight that thousands had cum
hundreds of miles for to see, and we was told as how as the two
galliant Champions had had a jolly row jest as they was a undress-
ing, and then both on em dressed themselves again, and set off at
their werry best speed, in quite different and rong directions, and
never cum back! At this howdacious swindle our true British pluck
hegun for to arise, and we all with one acord began to shout tout,
" Give us back our Money! " As they didn't do it, we all made a
rash to the Pay Places, jest to help ourselves to our several shillings,
hut the cowardly money-takers had bolted with our money!

Then we Great Britains, feeling as we had been hartfully swindled,
rose up in our mighty wroth and wowed wengeance! And wengeance
we took! Some of the leading sperits among us who had come hun-
dreds of miles to see the Recorder beaten, tho why they wanted to
heat him I coudn't at all understand, shouted out " We '11 have sum-
think for our money afore we gos back," and quite right too, if they'd
ha' stopped at the beer and lemonade, and the spunge cakes, at which
the first rush was made, but when it came to destruction and fire and
lehellyon, me and Beown withdrawed our countenances from the
hole thing and remembered our duty to our Queen and Country, and
seeing as the blue Gardiens of the Peeple was rayther hard pressed
hy the raging and angry Mob, we got two of our friends, as was
there, to jme us, and then them, and me, and Brown, thinking as
Perhaps a reserve force might be wanted, and out of respect to the
great Country that begot us, and bread us, and eddicated us, we

AN ANXIETY.

Aunty. ""Why, Lattbie, tou seem to be Geowino eveet day !"
Laurie (whose one idea is his Birthday next week). '' Yes, Aunty ;

I 'm AFRAID I SHALL be SlX BEFOEB my BlBTHDAY ! "

stood a long ways off and formed ourselves into a reserve Corpse
accordingly, and from there we surweyed all the wild and wicked
proceedings in peace and quietness, and, strange to say, wasn't
wanted after all!

Ah, if a few more of the few respectable-looking gents as was
there had imitated our bold xample, things might have ended werry
different to what they hegun, but so it is, the mere mob is jest as
easily led away to do rong as to do rite, it's only the few who has
the moral curridge to judge for theirselves as can stand apart on the
roof of a publichouse, and look down with pitty and contemp on
what is quite beneath 'em.

As I stood a moralising from my exhalted persition, with a glass
of werry nice hot rum and water to keep up my sperrits and keep out
the cold, I ooudn't help thinking wot a werry wunderfull chap is the
Brittish Puhlick when he hasn't noboddy to guide him. In this
werry partickler ease, hecoz sumbody had bin and robbed 'em all of
a shilling a peace, they sets to work, and not only gobbles up all
poor Mrs. King's refreshments, but breaks all her glasses and things,
although she knowed more about it than the Emperor of China, and
that coudn't ha' been werry much, and smashes down all the palings
and places, and then sets 'em on fire, altho' they belonged to a Gent
who was out of Town miles and miles away.

Well, I must say that, having in my werry long xperience seen
lots of crowds of all sorts and sizes, for a thorough blackguard set as
doesn't seem to have one single good quality, or, if they has, they
hides it so carefully that not no one can never find it, hut who seems
to delight in orful langwidge and senseless mischief, commend me to
a sporting mob in the naybourhood of Lundon; and the less they are
allowed to congregate there, the better for all honest and decent
people. robert.

Vicaeioits Whipping.—Why are Railway Chairmen and Directors
like James the Fibst when he was a boy ? Because, according to
received tradition, His Majesty, in statu pupillari, was provided
with another boy, who, whenever Jemmy deserved the rod had to
be flogged, as a substitute, in the Royal youth's place; and the
Railway Authorities are allowed similar substitutes, namely, signal-
men, engineers, and other subordinates, against whom, when fatal
accidents happen by their superiors' fault, Coroners' Juries usually
return verdicts of manslaughter.

Description of an Assassin.—" A Man who takes life seriously."
N.B.—I never like hearing a Medical Man so described in ordinary
conversation.