Punch (93.1887)

170

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON

CHARIVAEI. [October 15, 1887.

JUMPING AT CONCLUSIONS.

' Who's that tiny little Gentleman talkins to Mamma, Tom 1
'Me. Scribblns, the Writing Master at our School."
' Ah ! I suppose he teaches Short-hand !"

A LOED MAYOR'S DAT IN DUBLIN.

(A Lay of the Criminal Law Amendment Act.)

" Shure it's Balfour would be troublin', meeself Lord Mayor o' Dublin,
But every charge he makes I '11 meet in fashion you '11 call nate ;

For I '1L face the accusation that he brings against the Nation,
Attired from head to foot, my boys, in all my robes of State.

" So on with hat and gown, boys, for we 're goin' through the town, boys,
And you must help your City's Chief to make a real display,"

Thus Tim Sullivan he cried out, as straightway he did ride out,
In civic pomp to near the Court on that eventful day.

And Town Councillors in numbers, woke from their normal slumbers,
And, donning gowns and tippets, rose and put on all they knew,

And with approbation glancing at the City Marshal, prancing
On a hired hack, they followed him, a rather motley crew.

At length the Court they entered, when attention soon was centred,

On a squabble that had risen about the Sword and Mace :
For some swore they were not able to lie upon the table,

Though the Lord Mayor hotly argued it was their proper place.
So when 'twas shown quite plainly, after pushing for it vainly,

Beyond the " bar" the civic baubles had to be conveyed,
With vow that none should floor them, their guardians upstairs bore them,

And in the front seats flaunted them conspicuously displayed.
Then up stood Mr. Carson, quite as quiet as a parson,
rr-vVn^ rea(* on^ indictment with a settled, stone-like face,
-"Jl Tim Healy, quick replying, rose then and there, denying

That the Counsel for the Crown had a shadow of a case.

■^Tn.^ev.iS ]j?£at brother argued each against the other,
^The while Tim Sullivan reclined in all his civic blaze,

O'Donel he looked vexed there, and he seemed somewhat perplexed there,
As li the matter struck him as involved in doubtful haze.

But after some reflection, with a soupcnn of dejection,
He announced that he hid sattled (though, doubtless, mid some fears

He might stir up Balfour's fury), there was no'oase for
a jury.

His judgment was received in Court with hearty
ringing cheers.

Then, wild with exultation, up rose Mayor and Corpora-
tion,

And, greeted by the crowd without, were cheered along
the way,

Til the Mansion House on nearing, the mob cried,
'midst their cheering,
A speech they wanted, and would hear what he had
got to say.

Then Tim Sullivan he spouted ;—the mob they surged
and shouted,

And the upshot of the speech was this, that if, through
legal flaws,

By any chance your way you see, to battle with the powers
that be,

You're hero both and martyr if you break the
Saxon's laws.

So it's no use, Balfour, troublin' the Civic powers of
Dublin;

For if you do, you know that they will meet you just
half way;

And if fresh accusation you but bring against the

Nation,

The City shure will answer with another Lord Mayor's
Day!

THE EBAL GRIEVANCE OFFICE.

{Before Mr. Commissioner Punch.)
An Official of Epping Forest introduced.

The Commissioner. Now, Sir, what can I do for you ?

Witness. You can confer a favour upon me, Sir, by
correcting some sensational letters and paragraphs on
"Deer-Maiming in Epping Forest," that have lately
appeared in the newspapers.

The Commissioner. Always .pleased to oblige the
Corporation. Well, what is it ?

Witness. I wish to say, Sir, that deer-shooting in
Epping Forest, so far as its guardians are concerned, is
not a sport, but a difficult and disagreeable duty ?

The Commissioner. A duty ?

Witness. Yes, Sir, a duty; because, in fulfilment of an
agreement with the late Lords of the Forest Manors (to
whom we have to supply annually a certain amount of
venison), and in justice to the neighbouring farmers,
whose crops are much damaged by the deer, we are
obliged to keep down the herd to a fixed limit.

The Commissioner. But how about the stories of the
wounded animals that linger and die ?

Witness. We have nothing to do with them—we are
not in fault. I mean by " we " those who have a right
to 'shoot by the invitation of the proper Authorities.

The Commissioner. But are not the poor animals
sometimes wounded ?

Witness. Alas, yes! Unhappily the forest is infested
by a gang of poachers of the worst type, and it is at
their door that any charge of cruelty must be laid. So
far as we are concerned, we kill the deer in the most
humane manner. We use rifles and bullets, and our guns
are excellent shots. As no doubt you will have seen from
the report of the City Solicitor, such deer as it has been
necessary to kill, have been shot by, or in the presence
of, two of the Conservators renowned for their humanity
and shooting skill.

The Commissioner. It seems to me that you should
put down the poachers.

Witness. We do our best, Sir. You must remember
the Corporation has not been in possession very long.
We have to protect nearly ten square miles of foreBt
land, close to a city whose population is counted by
Millions.

The Commissioner. Very true. Can I do anything more
for you ?

Witness. Nothing, Sir. _ Pray accept my thanks for
affording me this opportunity of offering an explanation.
I trust the explanation is satisfactory p

The Commissioner. Perfectly. (The Witness then
withdrew.)