Punch (93.1887)

November 12, 1887.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

225

"NOBLESSE OBLIGE.'

Old Friend. "Hullo, Dick! How are you? I wish you'd
come and Dine with me to-night. But now you 'be a Lord, I
suppose I mustn't call you Dick any longer, or even ask you
to Dinner ?"

Nolle Earl {who has just come into his Title). " Lord be blowed i
Lend me a Fiver, and you may call me what you like—and
I'll Dine with you into the bargain !"

SCARLETINA AT TRURO.

The {esthetic Archbishop Benson has an eye for colour. At
J-ruro, the Times report says, "he wore his scarlet robe and train,
whiob.) as he moved from place to place in the Cathedral "—very
restless of him, by the way—"was upborne by two little acolytes
Wad in scarlet cassocks and dainty surplices of lawn, and wearing
P&y scarlet caps upon their heads." The Archbishop is the big
tVri ' atu* ac°lytes might be called the soarletini. And to

oink that years ago this sudden outbreak of archiepiscopal brilliancy
L°i? > ave een inveighed against as trifling with the "Scarlet
tli^ a 2.R.H. made an excellent speech on the occasion, and, with
,ne effect of colour still in his memory, he could not resist reminding
lit ^hetic Dr. Benson that " seven years and a half ago "—nothing
A 6 being exact—" he (H.R.H.) was enabled to lay the foundation
s °n.e of this Cathedral with Masonic honours." "Archbishop in
reh v ^orso°tn! scarlet tiny acolytes!" (such was evidently the
jy °^ke conveyed in H.R.H.'s speech)—"you should just see Me as
Chn i /*orsniPful Grand Master, with my Wardens, Deacons,
sple h S' ancl Tvlers! Why, in comparison with that blaze of
Gen?ii r' y°n an(i your scarlet are nowhere. However, Ladies and
but t men> 1 came here on this occasion, not ' to oblige Benson,'
pn^°vi8it this ancient Duchy in my popular character of Duke of
w>snwau._ aurevoi).„

Consignor Persico, Truth says, stayed with Archbishop Croke,

aIld j- Jteksico, j.ruiri says, stayed, wren Arcnoisnop unujii.

of jSned with the witty and popular Father James He alt, P.P
deal t Bray. Well, Monsignor Persico must have heard a great
h-ealtr - eroKe-ing. but let us hope he has got some remedies for
goodIf °g tne wounds of the distressful country from Mr. Punch's
ak°ut him"^' ^atner ■^A3EES' °* Little Bray, and preoious little bray

A MYSTERIOUS PAPEE.

The near approach of Christmas,_ with its fireside stories, has
suggested the following list of questions for examination that may
be put to himself by any intending raconteur. As he may be sure
that if he can tackle them satisfactorily he will be able effectually
to enchain any family circle he may come across during the coming
festive season, he may be safely recommended to go at them in all
confidence:—

1. What is a "spook"? Have you ever met one in society?
Define "telepathy." Can you send a " telepathigram" ? If so, do
you think it would cost more than a halfpenny a word ?

2. Write a short biographical notice of Messrs. Myers and
Gurnet. State which of the two you would rather be, and give, if
you can, your reasons for your answer.

3. Furnish a brief abstract, that must_ not exceed 300 pages, of
their joint work. Phantasms of the Living. What would be the
present price of the two volumes on MuDlE'sSecond-hand List ?

4. A certain Mr. Brown knew a Captain Jones, who knew a
Major Robinson, who one night sitting at Mess at a hill-station in
the Central Provinces of India, thought he saw a figure on the
verandah and felt a sudden dig in the side as if somebody had
pushed him with his elbow. _ He had been mixing his wines rather
freely, but turning to his neighbour, he said, "I am almost sure
something has happened to my Uncle James." He subsequently
wrote a dozen letters to England on the subject,'but could never get
any answer; and to this day, though his Uncle James is known to be
alive and quite well, the matter remains a mystery. To what class
of " inconsequent warnings" could you refer this experience ?

5. At Bansbury House, Buckinghamshire, a phantom omnibus full
inside and out of headless passengers, drives three times round the
central grass-plot on the eve of the day on which the heir orders a
new dress-coat. Account for this, if you can, and compare it with
the reported apparition of the famous luminous elephant said to be
visible to the Lairds of Glenhuish whenever the amount of their
butcher's-book reaches the sum of £20.

6. Detail the circumstances that are said to explain the curious
conduct of the celebrated little old man in the bagwig and faded blue
velvet coat, that haunts the principal guest bedchamber at Token-
house Manor. To what is he supposed to refer when after mourn-
fully shaking his head three times he says, "It's the mustard that
did it! "_ Examine this, and give some reasons to account for the fact
that he invariably disappears in the linen cupboard.

7. Give the various popular versions of the secret which imparted
at Rheums Castle to (1) the heir, on his attaining his majority, (2) the
family butler, and (3) a select circle of intimate friends who may have
chanced to attend on the occasion regarding the matter as an excel-
lent joke, instantly turns their hair white, causes them to look thirty
years older, and makes them talk in whispers, and wear an expres-
sion of melancholy terror for the rest of their lives.

8. The hall of a weU-known modern villa at Brixton is haunted
by the spectre of a coal-heaver, who carries his head under
his arm; and, whenever it is opened, he is visible on the mat, just
inside the front door. Tradesmen, therefore, calling with their
accounts, rush away, terror-stricken, without waiting for payment,
and visitors coming to five o'clock tea are carried off in violent
hysterics to the nearest chemist's. As the landlord cannot induce
any bailiffs to cross the threshold, the tenant who is, notwithstand-
ing their ghastly condition, quite cheerful on the premises, is several
quarters in arrear with his rent. State, under the circumstances
what proceedings, if any, you would take to "lay" the ghost.

9. It is well known that the celebrated gallery at Bingham Place
Somersetshire, is haunted, after midnight, by the apparition of a
knight in full armour, who heralds his approach by the clanking of
chains and cannon-balls, and who, after flinging about the boots and
hot-water cans standing at the doors of the various guest-chambers
tumbles head-over-heels .down-stairs, shrieking the refrain of a
thirteenth century hunting-chorus, and having thoroughly awakened
everybody sleeping on the premises, finally disappears with a loud
unearthly wail, in the butler's pantry. State what you think would
be the probable result of waiting for the appearance of this spectre
and then suddenly hitting it hard over the knees with a cricket bat '

10. Give the story of the well-known "haunted house" in Bel
grave Square. How would the unconscious tenant who had taken it
furnished be likely to account for the punctual appearance at half
past nine every evening, among his guests in the back drawing-room
of the eyeless baronet, m a dressing-gown drao-o-ino- h,„ u i
females^ the hair of their head! ShS&M
after continuing it for three-quarters of an horn- T,l+;J,=f^ I.„J^TvT
ing, as if exhausted apparency into the granTpi^^ouTyou
advise him to take his guests into his confidence, and apologise for the
intrusion or pretend to notice nothing unusual in the phenomenon,
and simply ignore it ? Examine the situation, and conclude your
paper by dealing with it m the shape of a short essay on ''the
position of the Ghost considered m relation to Society."