Punch (93.1887)

226

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [November 12, 1887.

"LUXURY."

[According to the Latest Edition of "Knight Thoughts")

Alderman (to his Guest, after a good dinner^. " 'Elp y'shelf ! Recollec' every Bo'le o'
Champagne we drink, pkovi'sh Employment for the Workin' Classhesh ! !"

AT HAWARDEN.

" Mr. Gladstone gave Earl Spencer and
Earl Granville a specimen of Ms skill with
the axe yesterday. With Mr. Hereert Glad-
stone to assist him, the Eight Honourable
gentleman, stripped to his waist, attacked a tree
in most vigorous fashion! "—Times, Nov. 4.

Said Spencer to Granville,
" Like strokes on an anvil."
Said Granville to Spencer,
"He'll catch influenza."
Young Herbert, brow mopping,
Cried, " Letter from Dopping! "
Growled Gladstone, not stopping
In chopping, " Blow Dopping ! "
And so went on lopping.

" Refusal to Pat a Lev? in Ireland."
—This was what Mrs. Ram saw as the
heading of a paragraph in an evening
paper. " "Well," said the good lady, " if
they won't pay a Levy, why not send a
Moses, and see if he will get it."

The Plentiful Lao.

[The Rajah of Kupurthala, emulating the
Nizam, has offered five lacs towards the defence
of the frontiers of India.]

The Laureate, patriot of sense,

Writes with a pungent pen
Of " That eternal lack of pence

Which vexeth public men."
But India's public men, with pride,

In PriDCss such as these,
Will find their " lack of pence " supplied

By—a lac of rupees !

VOCES POPULI.

Scene—The Thames Embankment. Crowd discovered, waiting for
Lord Mayor's Show.

Female Pleasure-seeker {-whose temper is apt to be a little uncertain
on these occasions, to her husband). We ought to have started at
least an hour earlier—just look at the number of people here already!
Tou would dawdle—and it wasn't for want of speaking to, I'm sure!

Her Husband {mildly). It certainly was not. Only, aa the Show
can't possibly pass for two hours, at least-

She. Two hours! Am I to stand about in this crowd'all that time ?

He {with a feeble jocularity). Unless you prefer to climb a tree.

She. Then, John, all I can say is, I wish I had stayed at home I
[John murmurs a silent, but fervent assent.)

A Practical Pleasure-seeker. Now I tell you what we'll do,
Maria—you take Weetie, and keep close to me, and I '11 look after
Duggie, and we '11 just stroll comfortably up and down till the very
last minute, and drop comfortably into front places, and there
we are!

Patriotic P. What I like about occasions like this, is the spec-
tacle of a thoroughly good-humoured, well-behaved British crowd—
you don't see that on the Continent, y'know!

More Patriotic P. {thoughtfully). No, that's perfectly true; and
what I say is—we don't want all these police about. Trust more to
the general spirit of decency and order—let the people feel they are
trusted!

A Socialist. Ah, you're right. Did you year what one of the
Orators said in the Square the other afternoon? He told 'em
Sir Charles would 'ave to be as wide awake as what he was 'jmself,
to prevent a Unemployed Demonstration to-day. "Let him re-
member." says he, "it's in our power to do that within arf a mile
of the Mansion House, which would make the 'ole civilised world
ring with 'orror," he says. And it's men like that as they 're trying
to silence and intimerdate!

The P. P.'s {edging away a little nervously, to one another). Well,
1 hope the Police are keeping a sharp look-out. I—I don't seem to
see so many about as usual, eh ?

A Speculator {with two tubs and a board) to Female P. 'Ere you
are, lydy, hony two shellin' fur a fust-rate stand—you won't see no
better if you was to pay a suvring 1

Female P. Tou may say what you like, but I'm not going to
tramp about any longer, and if you're so mean as to grudge two
shillings—why, I can pay for myself!

Hush. Oh, hang it—get up if you want to I

The Practical P. Well, Maria, it's no use worrying note—we
must go and ask at the Police-Stations afterwards—it was a mistake
to bring them 1

The Patriotic P. Of course one is told there's a good deal of

rough horse-play on these occasions, but anything more entirely-

[A " larrikin " comes up behind and "bashes" his hat in; a
string of playful youths seize each other by the waist and
rush in single file through crowd, upsetting everybody in
their way; both the Patriotic Pleasure-seekers go home by
the Underground, without waiting for the Procession.
The Female P. {on the stand). John, I'm sure this board isn't
safe. We should see ever so much better on one of those carts—
they 're only asking sixpence, John. You are the worst person to
come out with—you never give yourself the smallest trouble—J have
to do it all 1 You can stop here if you choose, I'm going to get into
one of those carts! [She and John descend, and mount upon a
coal-cart which is being driven slowly along the route.

Later; Procession approaching, distant music.
Crowd [jumping up and down like "skip-jacks" to see better).
'Ere they are, they 're coming!

[The way is cleared by trotting mounted Constables.
Stout Lady. Well, if I wanted to faint ever so, I couldn't now—
where are you, my dear ?

Another Stout Lady {cheerfully). I'm all right, Mrs. Porter,
Mum. I've got tight 'old of this nice young Perliceman's belt—don't
you fret yourself about me!

Experienced Sightseer (catching hold of little Duggie and placing
him in front, then pushing forward). Make room for this little boy,
will you, please, I want him to see.

Crowd good-naturedly make way, affording unimpeded view of
Procession to Duggie—and the Experienced Sightseer, who
troubles himself no further.
A Superior Sightseer. To think of the traffic of the first city in
the world being stopped for this contemptible tomfoolery!

\_Fights hard for a front place.

Procession passing.
Impertinent Female {to gorgeous Coachman). '0 w you 'ave altered!
Well-Informed Person {pointing out City Marshal). That's Sir
Charles, that is ! .
Unemployed {smarting with sense of recent wrongs). Yah, toirant!

[ The C. M. beams with gratification.