Punch (93.1887)

November 19, 1887.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVAEI.

231

But now, as to bait ? "Well, ahem!—yes, IJfear,
The Gladstonian minnow is popular here,—

It's a bait I abominate wholly.
And yet—if I fish as I fancy—I feel
I perhaps may go home with no fish in my creel,—

And that would be most melancholy !

I am sure my own patent assortment of flies
Ought to make any fish in the universe rise;

My spoon-bait is terribly killing
In some Irish waters. But here,—well, my hook
Must be hidden with something from Hawarden's old book,

Though to use it I own I'm unwilling.

Ha! ha! Yes, I have it. I've made up a bait

-That some will think Old, and that some will think Great,

And all will deem Grand—if it nicks 'em.
It's green—shot with orange ; the fins have a look
Of a pair of big collars. Great Scott, what a hook I

Yes, this, I am certain, must fix 'em.

It is—and it isn't—the very same bait

That the Nottingham fellows—as anglers so great—

Consider the pink of perfection.
Why, William: himself might well capture a dish
With this bait; did he use it, I'm sure, not a fish

"Would so much as think of rejection.

Now, my Starred-and-striped beauties ! Canadian pets!
Crossed-lrish, so doubtful of hooks and of nets !

I drop it in—so! "Won't it rummage 'em ?
Some sneer at my angling. How savage they '11 be
When the secret of my great success they will see

Is Gladstonian bait—a la Brummagem!

[Left winding and winking.

Br Geoege!—A first-rate speech was made by the
new Patent Commander-in-Chief Geoege Rangeb, Duke
of Cambridge, at the dinner of Yolunteer Sergeants,
Justice Cotton",—Gun-Cotton on this occasion—in the
Chair. "I have always stated," said the Brave old
Chief, "that the best wav to avoid war, is to be so
strong that nobody would think of attacking you."
Hear! Hear! F. M. Punch likes this sort of strong
language^ from Geoege Ranger, and hopes that His
Royal Highness will be made Patent President of the
International Arbitration Court.

THE CHILD OF THE PERIOD.

" Why did that Policeman touch his Hat to you, Aunty 1 Have you
oot One as well as Nukse 1"

NOTICE!

In consequence of the great success attending the sale of Mr.
Gladstone's " Chips," the Grand Old Chief is in future to be known
as "the Last of the Ochipaways!" But he refines to bary the
hatchet.

New Version.

O'Bbien the thin his own breeche3 would wear,
And have nothing to do with the Government pair.
"If my patriot legs they those pants would thrust in,
They must do it themselves," said O'Brien the thin.

On the 22nd, the (Edipus Tyrannus is to be produced at Cam-
bridge. One of the members of the A. D. C. wanted to bring out
an old burlesque on (Edipus at the Club Theatre on the same night,
out Mr. J. "W. Clarke of Trinity, General_ Manager and University
Entrepreneur, immediately objected that it would be irreverent to
turn the awful story of Oedipus and Jocasta into a jest, "For,"
said he, "you certainly cannot 'joke as ta' that." The Master
of Trinity has summoned the Fellows to consider what ought to be
done to the other Fellow.__

A New Life.—Mr. Joseph Hatton, author of Clytie, and quite
recently of The Gay World, a novel which has created a consider-
able sensation, is coming out as the biographer of " Friend Toole."
Author and Actor have been about together a great deal lately; in
tact so much so, as to give rise to the report that Mr. J. L. Toole was
dreadfully afraid of catching cold, as he was never seen anywhere
without his Hat on.___

The British Mission in Abyssinia seems to have got into difficul-
ties. The Negus won't listen to the Oueen's English as contained
m Her Majesty's letter. This Negus evidently is not so sweet as
usual: a little punch-in' his head would do him some good. At all
events this Negus must be stirred up and taken down pretty sharply.

THE TOWN MOUSE'S TRIALS.

[Dr. Milneb Fothergill has published a pamphlet on The Effects of Town
Life upon the Human Body."]

0 Doctob Milneb. Fotheegill, it's hard to hear you state,
That people who must dwell in towns will all deteriorate ;
We all live at too fast a rate, and ought to be more placid,
And, like the Ichthyosaurus, we develop too much acid.

Moreover the good Doctor, too, this sad assertion makes,
The dweller in the country can enjoy his Banbury Cakes ;
But here in town he warns each man his constitution's undone
By flour and fat, and so adieu to pleasant cakes in London.

We 're getting smaller, too, in size: our Mentor bids us go
And pit ourselves 'gainst effigies we see when chez Tussaud ;
And then he ventures on what seems a terrible assertion—
He says we've ta'en a lower form, and calls it " retroversion."

Oar nervous system's too much forced, like early hot-house peas —
Our children are inferior to bumpkins, if you please;
In fact this pamphlet quite enough to give a man a fright is
"With all its nasty prophecies of childish meningitis, '

Town life is most unnatural; but, hang it, Doetor, you
Kiow somebody must live in town, and so what shall we do ?
"Why, just forget your catalogue of city-bred diseases
And let eaoh fellow eat and drink exactly what he pleases !

Me. Champion (not one of the Seven of Christendom) writing to
the limes m defence of the Socialists-and writing yery effectively
too-said, Of Oldland, who has been committed for trial, I know
nothing, except.that he is a total abstainer." Is he? Then why
didn t he abstain from attending a disorderly meeting in Trafalgar
Square i ' °

Moral Govebnmsst Required.—We are always reading of
Vice-Presidents everywhere. Are there no Virtue-Presidents P