Punch (93.1887)

274

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. [December 10, 1887.

AN OPPORTUNIST,

Be. "Oh, Emil-Miss Crumpcher—can—have you ever Loved?"

She. "N—not this Season!"

A "Would-Be " Literary Gent."—The following' is from the Daily Telegraph:—

LITERARY.—A gentleman -who erst wrote for recreation, is driven, through cruel misfortune, to
resume hia pen for a livelihood. Fugitive lines, reviews of English, French, and Italian literature,
topics of the day.

"What a condescension! How good of him! He " first wrote for recreation "—whose?—
his own probably, and that of his friends who were as easily amused as were those of Mr.
Peter Magnus,—who signed himself P.M., or afternoon, for the entertainment of his cor.
respondents,—and now he is " driven through cruel misfortune to resume his pen." Very
cruel! Perhaps already his friends are beginning to suffer from this spiteful freak of Fortune.
But as he can knock off with ease a variety of literary work, he is rather to be envied than
pitied ; and already he may be on the high road to literary fame which he will despise, and
solid wealth which he will appreciate.

The New Sixpence.—On the face is to be the Queen's effigy with inscription, and on the
reverse its value inscribed, surrounded by an olive-branch and an oak-branch. More appro-
priate for the face would have been the Queen's effigy surrounded by olive-branches.

M. Pasteur is the man for the successful treatment of hydrophobia. Does the Australasian
Government appeal to him for assistance because it finds itself in a rabbit state ?

O'BRIEN'S BREECHES.

(Humbly imitated from Henry LuttrelTs
" Burnham Beeches.")

A Baed, dear Muse, who pluck would sing,

Your friendly aid beseeches.
Help me to touch the lyric string

On—brave O'Bblen's breeches!

What though the splendour of my lines
To Swinburne's height ne'er reaches ?

The theme, if not the thrummer, shines;
That theme's—O'Brien's breeches !

They wouldn't let O'Brien talk,
Or make "seditious" speeches.

They quodded him, his plans to baulk,
And—tried to bag his breeches!

But brave O'Brien's blood did burn
(Say, who his pluck impeaches ?)

He up and swore in accents stern,
" 1 won't—wear convict breeches!"

Those gaolers deep about him hung,
They stuok to him like leeches.

But he, the eloquent of tongue,
Stuck to—O'Brien's breeches!

If " sermons be in stones," I '11 bet

A prison patience teaches.
The prisoner to bed must get;

They watched—and boned his breeches !

The captive of the cold complains,
His breechless bones it reaches.

But yield ? No, rather he remains
In bed—without his breeches !

In vain the prison-clothes they show;

Badge of dishonour each is.
Patriots prefer to lie below

Bdd-clothes—without their breeches!

But friends unto the dungeon hie,

No gaoler marks (or peaches),
They hand O'Brien, on the sly,

Another pair of breeches I

Black Balfour's myrmidons are fooled!

A lesson high this teaches :
A plucky people is not ruled

By—stealing patriot's breeches !

Brian Boru they sang of yore,
But when her goal she reaches,

Erin will sing, from shore to shore,
O'Brien—and his breeches!

Her bards will praise the patriot true,

His long and fiery speeches,
His bearding Balfour's brutal crew;

But, above all,—his breeches!

Oh, ne'er may the potheen pass round

But—Erin so beseeches—
The Isle may with one theme resound,—

O'Brien—and his breeches!

Hold! Though I'd fain be jingling on,
One rhyme, experience teaches,

You can't ring on for aye! I've done.
Farewell, O'Brien's breeches!

The Shakspearian Question.

An Actor's opinion on the Bacon v.
Shakspeare controversy, expressed in "
strictly professional cryptogrammatic style-
"Shakspeare written by a chap called
Bacon, my boy? Very likely; I always
found ' lots of fat' in it."

Another (at Brighton, by^ an Ancient
Mariner who slicks to the " Old Ship )•
" Bacon wrote Shakspeaee ? "Well, perhaps
he did. He was a clever chap, was dear old
Arthur Bacon ; but still, somehow, I don t>
think he wrote Shakspeare. At least not
all of it."