Punch (93.1887)

December 31, 1887.] PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.

305

answered Halflnch, at the same time taking an evening paper
from his pocket, and caref ally collecting the broken fragments of the
vase and its contents, and making them np into a neat parcel.
"There," he added, "he'll have to get a new vase. But you
may tell your father I think he'll find his Grandmother all there.
So wipe your eyes and get home as fast as you can."

# # ^ 9 ^ W

They watched the figure of the receding child.

" You don't have much work down this way nowadays?" in-
quired Halfinch amiably of the Policeman.

" Much work! Why, bless you, Sir, beyond occasionally running
in an Unemployed Sweater, we have none at all."

" Well, good night, Miss Betsy Jane," said Halfinch".

" Good night, Mr. Halfinch," responded the lovely girl.

Then they each turned to their brilliantly-lighted Co-operative
Palace homes. Silence soon fell upon the scene. Another happy
East-End day had come to its luxurious close.

NEW YEAR MEMS.

Lord S-l-sb-ry. Smother Howabd Vincent & Co.—at least in
public. Give private tip to Habtington, Bbight, and Goschen, to
get me talked about as a
" second Cobden."

Mr. W. E. Gl-dst-ne. Mem.
—Feel a little " chippy " this
morning. Gooutaxiug. Send
New Year's Card to Dopplng.
Forgive and Forget. Write
fewer letters, make fewer
speeches, avoid railway station
oratory; Ch-mb-bl-n's imi-
tating me there. Shall have
him next taking to chopping
trees in Prince's Gardens.
Mem.—Return to use of post-
cards ; shall also give up
writing magazine-articles and
devote myself more to com-
mercial pursuits; there's a
good deal to be done in chips
if one gives his mind to it.
Why not leave Hawarden and
reside at Chipping Norton ?

Mr. B-lf-r. Gingerly mani-
pulate the "Crimes Act" Svetisd
across the Channel for the * '

next few weeks. Mem— Parliament opens Feb. 9th. Be careful
what I say or write about anybody. Consult Solicitor.

C. S. P-rn-ll. Change my name and address next year, call
myself B-ckle of the Times.

Mr. Ch-mb-rl-n. Retire from " Fisheries'" as gracefully and as
soon as possible. As J-sse C-ll-ngs would say, " Hook it.' Cod-
ling 's the man. .....„ _r ,

The Lord Ch-f J-st-ce of Engl-nd. Shall begin New Y ear by
leaving off voice lozenges, or may be called a " Sucking Ch-f
J-st-ce." Shouldn't like this, and 1 know of one worldly journalist
who wouldn't hesitate to write it. ,

The Right Hon. J. G. G-sch-n, M.P. Think I sha 1 go back to
the Liberal Party for a year at least; have tried them all round; had
the last rather worse than others. R-nd-lph says I should by this
time be an authority on the principle of the " Theory of Exchanges.

Sir W-ll-m H-rc-rt, M.P. Shall begin to get up every morning
at seven during recess, and go out for walk m glades of New Forest
before breakfast. Find it a capital place to think out impromptus
for my speeches. , , ,.

Monsignor P-rs-co. Mem.—Keep myself to myself, and don t say
nothing to nobody. ___ . _. . , .

Archbishop Cr-ke. Ask Thos. O'Dw-ee of Limerick to dinner.
Gut National League on first opportunity.

Archbishop B-ns-n. Study the Calendar of State Papers, time of
Henby the Eighth, carefully. Get portrait of myself done in full
canonicals with the two acolytes in scarlet skull-caps and cassocks,
as we appeared at Truro. Pretty subject: great scope for artist.

Bishop of L-nd-n. "Oblige B-ns-n." Ask St-w-et H-dl-m to
take me to the Alhambra. Try and get a copy of that now extinct
work, Ehsays and Reviews.

Lord D-nr-v-n. Must find out what I really mean by "Fair
Trade." Write to Notes and Queries, and see if I can't get a
definition somehow.

Mr. O'Br-n. Continue to pose as the " Martyr of Tullamore."
Meantime, endeavour to get supplied with still more fashionable
clothes. Why not a cheque suit, from America P

Cardinal M-nn-ng. Do something of everything. Mem.—Bay
new Filter.

The L-rd Ch-nc-ll-r, Must really show some reason for my being
in this exalted position. Find comfortable quarters for a few of my
nephews, cousins, and sons-in-law who are still among "the
Unemployed."

The Right Hon. J-hn Br.gU, M.P. Mem.—Z-ms Be-ght, Always
right. Politeness costs nothing. Get someone to give me a short
manual of this almost-lost art, like prize-fighting. The latter being
revived. Practise both.

Mr. C. V-ll-rs St-nf-rd. Inaugurate my Professorship in style.
Get to work, and show 'em I'm the best man to turn out a genuinely
successful first-class English Opera.

Professor H-xl-y. Study Sp-eg-n's Sermons for jokes and style,
and read some theology, with a view to carrying out the great
object of my life—smashing W. S. L-ixt.

Mr. W. 8. L-lly. Write more Chapters of History. Devote five
minutes, one day when I have the leisure, to smashing H-xl-y.

Mr. Justice St-ph-n. Read up everything. After doing this, at
last give my attention to the study of law. Mem.—Who was " The
Master of the Sentences f " Must get his work, and revise some of
my own.

Sir F. _L-ght-n, P.R.A. Commence getting up Academy Speech
for opening day. Mem.—Read Lempriere's Classical Dictionary
for subject for big R.A. picture.

Sir J". E. M-lt-s, R.A. Knock off a few pictures for Illustrated
papers of Christmas, 18S8. Any model with fair hair will do.
Write to P-es' S—p people.

W. P. Fr-th, R.A. Write more Recollections. Note—Wish
I'd taken to this sort of thing earlier in life.

Mr. L-b-ch-re, M.P. Must get rid of Be-DL-gh ; always been
rather a drag on me. Try and hit on some other popular notion as
good as TrutKs Christmas Toys. Keep Eye on "Eduund."

Mr. Edm-nd Y-t-s. Write more Recollections and Experiences.
Call them Moi-Memeries. Keep eye on " Heney."

Mr. J. L. T-le. Spend all my spare time in arranging jokes for
speeches. Note them down every morning when shaving. Send
an occasional letter to friend Iev-ng.

H. Irv-ng. Refuse title if offered. Tell friend T-le to do the same.

Mr. J. L. S-ll-v-n [Pugilist). Challenge somebody. "Excuse
my glove."

Mr. J. Sm-th [Pugilist). Challenge S-ll-v-n, and fight him.

Sir A. S-ll-v-n (Composer). Leave Society to the other S-ll-v-n.
Have had enough of it. Get back to my music Give up G-lb-et
as soon as possible.

Mr. W. S. G-lb-rt. Hang music. Write something or other
without it. As soon as possible, give up S-ll-v-n. Also dispense
with Ge-ssm-th.

F. L-ckw-d, Q.C., M.P. Renounce Law and Politics. Draw for
Punch. Ask H. F-en-ss to give me a few lessons.

Right Hon. D-vid R. Pl-nk-t, M.P. Take a walk about London
every morning at least, with view to rivalling Sain J feller in extent,
if not peculiarity, of my knowledge of this " Vast Metrolopus."

Mrs. B-rn-rd B-re. Look after the acting rights of La Tosca.
Get.as good a play (if I can) as As in the Looking-glass, from the
author of the novel. Go to Paris, and see dear Sakah. Find a batter
theatre than the Opera Comique.

Mr. S-ntl-y. Learn " The Vicarof Bray," and " Father O'Flynn,"
as 1 have not added many new songs of late years to my repertoire.

Mr. S-ms R.v-s. Keep all my notes for my AutobiosraDhV
Wl>at titleF Apologia? y*

M-d-me P-tti. Havs "Home, SiveetHome," translated into foreign
languages, to give it an air of novelty. Leave Wales to the Welshers

Mr. A-g-st-s H-rr-s. Commence Pantomime for 1888-89. Enter-
tain everybody. Send Life Pass for the Queen's Bjx, to the
Assistant Arohitect of the Metropolitan Board of Works. Must be
presented at Court this year. Should look well in Court suit.

Dr.R-bs-n R-se. Must invent something new in the diet'line for
JNew Year; shall cut off claret and hot water and their dry toast
Mem.—'So write article in F-rtn-ghtly on "The Here and There of
London Life," and point out the absolute necessity of consulting me
on every subject. Recommend (as something novel), taking soup
after cheese. Ihis advice ought to increase my practice considerably.

lhe Rev. Dr. P-rk-r. Shall stay at home; at least, won't go
again to United States ; too vast. s
y.rMr,- B,:f'nt- Ke£P,™y name well before the public Think New
Novel, All Sorts ofMortiboys, by Sir W-lt-e B? s-nt, Bart would
have good effect with publishers. Get W-LS-n B-bb-tttc.dramatise
with me, of course. Shall ask him not to act iu it Off to Sto
get away from '' London blacks." Atrioa, to

Sntrba£in Spact^" ™ ^ °f

i Jl5"£«^±WZ>"e} ^ecarefal study of the peculiar diseases
incident to Humour's lying throat "-especially in Germany.

CA-rm-» of M-ddl-s-x M-g-str-t-s. Attend some Metropolitan
Music Hall every night of my life

Ed-t-r of P.M. & Get Stead-fer every day.

Mr. Punch. To wish a Happy New Year to everybody generally.