Punch (94.1888)

PUNCH, OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI. 177

LATEST FROM ABYSSINIA.

" The Negus has retiree into the Interior."

CHAMBERLAIN TO THE CAUCUS.

Was it for this I moulded "the Machine,"

Boiler and shafting, cylinder and piston,
That it should dare, out of pure party spleen,

Not to do any work that J insist on ?
" A tatur stand on end at being biled ? "

Bigelow, that's nothing to the Caucus kicking
At its creator—me I I'm really riled,

And somebody will have to take a licking.
Is the Caucusian indeed played out ?

Nay, boys of Brummagem, they shall not baulk us,
I '11 boss a new Machine, Unionists shout:—

"The Caucus (then) is dead; long live—the Caucus I"

NOT OUT OF THE "WOOD.

(A Page from an Anti- Whine Diary.)

10 a.m.—As a Member of the Society to Watch
Inebriates, I accepted an invitation to lunch with my
friend Clarence Lush, who is a well-known habitual
drunkard. The last time I saw my friend was a little
late one night, or rather morning, at the Good Consti-
tution Club, when he was asleep, and where I explained to
him the story of a Three Act Drama I contemplated
writing. He was then certainly intoxicated—very in-
toxicated—for he declared that what I had been telling
him was " bosh." I hope he is better now. I shall
take this Note-book, and, if possible, jot down my
observations under the table.

11 a.m.— Have just sat down to breakfast with
Clarence. He is as sober as a judge. We commenced
the meal with a soda and brandy a-piece. So far from
getting into our heads, it steadied us.

11'30.—Still quite right. Clarence most amusing.
We have been trying various clarets, but without feeling
the lightest—I mean slightest—ill effects.

12 noon.—Just had little Punch d la Romaine. Very
good stuff. No sort of bad 'feet—I mean ef-fect—though
why shouldn't call 'feet—don't know.

1 p.m.—Watching Lush carefully. We both taken
lot of wine—yes, lot of wine. But whaterthat P What-
erthat ?

2.—I'm happy—no, mean, ver unhappy! Making
thish note unner table. Watched caretully. You 're
quite sober. You 're sober as I am. Splendid 'sperment.
Tired—going 'shleep.

New Reading op Shakspeare, Suggested by Mr.
Goschen's Conversion Scheme. —" When shall we
Threes meet again ? "

MOT BY M. CLEMENCEAU.

Dished, by a mediocrity! Great Heaven!
Meline is fifty, I'm but forty-seven!
" Youth will be served," the athletes say. No doubt!
But in my case, alas I youth is served—out!

SHOOTING NIAGAEA.

It appears that on a recent occasion the crowds thronging to see
M. Philippoteaux's famous picture of " Niagara'''' were so excessive,
and on being appealed to by the authorities to "circulate," so abso-
lutely disinclined to budge a single inch, that order had to be restored
hy the intervention of the Police, who finally established it by clear-
ing the entire building. With a view, however, to dealing with
further possible invasions, likely to result from the growing attrac-
tiveness of the Bhow, Mr. John Hollingshead, its ever business-like
and spirited Manager, intends, it is said, to issue the following
notice, which certainly seems calculated to minimise the nuisance of
which it professes to dispose.

Caution to the Public.

Every responsible person presenting himself for admission will be
called upon to sign a contract at the door undertaking for himself,
and if necessary for his family or the party accompanying him, not
to pause for a single moment to gaze at any portion of the Cyclo-
rama, but to keep moving continually at a steady trot through the
huilding, which must be preserved uniformly from the moment of
passing the turnstile to that of reaching the door of exit.

As this will probably necessitate some physical exertion, invalids

and the infirm and aged, unless accompanied by their family soli-
citor, or by some other respectable person who will be responsible for
their keeping up the pace, are warned oft. _

To ensure the unceasing and lively continuance of this movement,
it will be supervised by an able body of Police provided with trun-
cheons, assisted by picked and experienced Guardsmen, armed with
fixed bayonets.

There will be a short comprehensive lecture every minute and a
half, giving the history of America from the earliest times to the
arrival of Columbus, the details of the War of Independence, the
strife between North and South, the history of Canada, and the
Statistics of the Fisheries and general population. As this will be
shouted almost continuously, from a speaking-trumpet, every visitor,
though hurrying along on his round, will probably catch some of it.

No flying questions may be put to the man in the rostrum. Any-
one putting the lecturer out by his interruption, will himself be
immediately put out by the Police.

It is believed that, by a strict adherence to the above regulations,
the whole of the sight-seemg_ public of the Metropolis may in due
time have an opportunity of visiting the show, if with some rapidity
of movement, at least without the inconvenience attendant upon a
struggle and a crush.

Finally, Mb. Hollingshead bequests all those
who do not feel themselves up to a bit of brisk exercise, have not a
highly-trained ear, or a reserve of nervous energy, but who, most of
all, lack a practised eye, capable of taking in instantly the widest
ranges of distant country at one sweeping and comprehensive cyclo-
ramio glance, not to come and help to block up all access to his
"Niagara," but quietly, reasonably, and wisely,
To Stay Outside.