Punch (94.1888)

PUNCH, OE THE LONDON CHAEIVAEI. 285

No. 1072. Undefeated Artist went on Painting
till his Feet were frozen off'.

meat Tea, and we left directly after for the Tank Theatre. We got
a 'bus that took us to King's Cross, and then changed into one that
took us to the " Angel." Mr. James each time insisting on paying
for all, saying that I had paid for the tickets and that was quite
enough. We arrived at Theatre, where, curiously enough, all our
'bus load except an old woman with a basket seemed to be going in.
I walked ahead and presented the tickets. The man looked at them,
and called out "Mr. Willowly! Do you know anything about
these?" holding up my tickets. The gentleman called to, came up
and examined my tickets, and said, "Who gave you. these P" I said
rather indignantly, " Mr. Meeton, of course." He said, " Meeton ?
Who's he? " I answered rather sharply, " You ought to know, his
name's good at any theatre in London." He replied, " Oh I is it.
Well, it ain't no good here. These tickets whioh are not dated, were
issued under Mr. Swinstead's Management, which has since changed
hands." While I was having some very unpleasant words with the
man, James, who had gone upstairs with the Ladies, called out,
"Come on!" I went up after them, and a very civil attendant said,
"This way, pleaBe, box H." I said to James, "Why, how on
earth did you manage it?" and to my horror he replied, "Why,
paid for it of course."

DIARY OF A NOBODY.
19.—Cummings called, bringing with him his friend Meeton
Car 18 ln *ne Wine Trade. He made himself at home at onoe, and
tho HlE,an<i myself were both struck with him immediately, and
and °U^i y approved of his sentiments. He leaned back in his chair
yon 8 " must take me as I am," and I replied, "Yes—and
Swplf1?)6* ^ake ua as we aTe■ We're homely people, we are not
with l ^e answered, "No, I can see that," and Cummings roared
CcjT atl&nter, but Merton in a most gentlemanly manner said to
onTMlN?8' "I don't think you quite understand me. I intended to
folHy f at °.ur charming Hoat and Hostess were superior to the
to e'Hh- ^a3Q'0I1> and preferred leading a simple and wholesome life
and!y -8 aDout to two-penny-halfptnny Tea-drinking afternoons,
thes m? aD°ve their incomes." I was immensely pleased with
savi senfiWe remarks of Meeton's, and concluded that subject by
beoa g' can<iidly, Mr. Meeton, we don't go into Society,

cabalf6' neitner of us cares for it; and what with the expense of
dnof >fre and ea°s there, and white gloves and white ties, &c, it

M» t seem worth the money."
TrnpM^0N 5ald m reference to friends, "My motto is 'Few and
good'"- a^ n7 tne wayl aleo aPPlr that to Wine, "Little and
et ? ol'rl aM W1II,,GS said, " Yes, and sometimes ' cheap and tasty,'
rne °a 1fap-" Meeton still continuing, said, "He should treat
whist a end> and Put me down for a dozen of his ' Lockanbar'
for 3py' and as I was an old friend of Cummings, I should have it
bookeH v was conaiierably under what he paid for it." He
anv S~ ms v*™- order, and further said that at any time I wanted
goort +vfaes ™fne Theatre, I was to let him know, as his name stood

Anrl on7 Theatre in London.
■^Nie V KBIK reminded me that as her old school friend

from 9 ♦ ut:leks (now Mr. James) and her husband had come up
Theatre j r a iew day8- ^ would look kind to take them to the
Paswo * a? Wonld I drop a line to Mr. Meeton asking him for
LvCP"or i?UT' either for the Italian Opera, Haymarket, Savoy, or

Avrii^ ^0te Mm™ to that effect,
just at" "°t a reply from Meeton saying he was very busy, and
market cfSG coul<ili't manage passes for the Italian Opera, Hay-
was th' avo,y' 01 Lyceum, but the best thing going on in London
eneln»«l Brown Bushes," at the Tank Theatre, Islington, and The Baron De Mandat- GhiANcr is said to be preparing a new
XI v 0qats for ioUT < als° Dil1 for whiskey. book, to be entitled The Irish Jaunting Car, as a sequel to " Shay
^pru u.~m>i and Mrs> jAMES| Miss Fulleb that was, came to Paddy."_

SIX TO THE HALF-DOZEN.

Invasion d la Francaise.

Monday—Departure of the Grand Army of the Leioester Square
from Paris. . ■

Tuesday.— Destruction of the British Fleet all over the world.

Wednesday.—Bombardment of Folkestone and Margate, and
sacking of Peg well Bay. .

Thursday— Battle of Southend. Hanging of le traitre Mon-
signor le Lor Maire " in chains.

Friday.—Execution of M. Cook and five hundred of his voyageurs,
and attack on " Wauxall-Bridg-Bod."

Saturday.— Rejection of terms of agreement proposed by M.
Augustus Habbis, for entire French Army to open in the autumn
in military piece at Drury Lane.

Sunday— Occupation of London by the French, and end of the
British Empire. .

Invasion, Mngksh style.

Monday.—Wax declared. Abandonment of Algeria and all her
other Colonies by France. ■ '\ \

Tuesday.—The French ileet knocked into a cocked hat every-

Wednesday—K Frenoh Army, that had managed to effect a
landing at Hastings, returned (unpaid) by Bample post.

Thursday— Destruction of Marseilles, Versailles, Boulogne
Dieppe, Lyons, and several other important towns, by a regiment of
British Militia.

Friday.—Immense success of General Boulangeb (described as
"just taken prisoner") in his great song at the Alhambra The
" Marseillaise " cheered to the echo.

Saturday.-Advance of the A.R. Division of Metropolitan Police,
and arrest of the entire Drench Army.

Sunday— Occupation of Paris by the English, and end of the
French nation. _